


The Book of Beasts

by WallyScag



Series: Remus Lupin and the Marauders [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Gen, Marauders, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 01:22:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 76,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7293745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WallyScag/pseuds/WallyScag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year is 1971. Remus Lupin gets the invitation of a lifetime to attend Hogwarts, and even though he's assured by headmaster Dumbledore that he's taken all measures to ensure his affliction will remain under control, Remus can't help but be wary at what the future has in store. He will learn his about his world, uncover secrets, and make friends that will change his life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Unexpected Visitor

The gloom in the air from the fresh fallen rain was enough to keep one in bed all day, and having to spend the earlier hours of the morning getting ready and dressed for school was most definitely at the bottom of Remus Lupin’s list of thing’s he’d rather be doing. It wasn’t the learning part he dreaded. In fact, if he had it his own way, that’s all school would be is in complete isolation doing his best to finish the coursework. His reluctance came from being moved around to a different school every year since he’s started. The battle to make new friends and adjust to a new environment had hit the point of exhaustion around the third time he’d needed to introduce himself to a classroom. Try as they might to stay, sooner or later he’d come home to his father pitching a new place to live, usually because the nature of his family was starting to become more apparent.

Remus and his parents had only been living in their current Welsh town for three months, and like every other place they’d lived before for as long as he could remember, it was a muggle town, strictly non-magical. He’d never questioned why they decided to live exclusively among non-magical people since every attempt in the past failed. Of course he thought it would make sense to alternate between the two since he was only truly half magic on his father’s side, but he knew he’d just have to trust his parents had their reasons. Much to his relief, summer holiday from school was only a few months away, which really meant he wouldn’t have to start making excuses for any funny business at least until the new term started in the fall, maybe even later if he was lucky. 

Having magic was hard to hide after nearly a year of being in one place too long. His father Lyall would sometimes be the point of skepticism among the neighbors, and Remus being methodically pulled out of school for days at a time never helped with suspicion either. Fortunately Hope, Remus’ mother, had no magical ability at all. It was usually her cleaning up the loose ends in whispers going around town, and telling her husband what was and wasn’t okay to do in front of people without magic. Though, clever and helpful as she was, even she knew it was only a matter of time before she’d be packing up to a new home. She never seemed to mind which was something she’d always offhandedly mentioned to Remus on his days home from school, that being married to his father is an adventure. Of course from his standpoint she was right. Having a fully trained wizard for a father made for a much more interesting life, especially in the summer time when Lyall would teach him the basics of learning to control his own magic. Last summer as a treat, his father even let Remus use his wand to practice simple spells with, which was much more fun than he made it out to be when he lied about it in class assignments.

 

After a half hour of laying in bed not wanting to move, Remus finally got up and lazily grabbed his uniform at the edge of his bed, which his mother was kind enough to lay out for him, to slump to the bathroom down the hall. As he dressed himself, he tried shifting to a more positive mindset for the day ahead. _Maybe everything will be fine and I’m getting all worked up for nothing,_ he thought, splashing some water on his face and looking at himself in the mirror. Remus was a small and skinny boy. Not quite frail, but below average for other ten year olds. He glanced up to his wild bedhead and smoothed his dark brown hair in a mop over his face and ears, which made it difficult to discern the pale green eyes peering at his reflection. He didn’t mind having his visibility obscured if it meant hiding what he could of the nasty scars on his face, one going across from his cheek to his eye, the other parallel, crossing over his lips. He didn’t have any idea of what his face looked like underneath them other than photographs of what he looked like before when he was a small child, smiling in all of his pictures. The only recollection he really had of getting them in the first place was waking up in his parent’s bed with a bandage wrapped over his head and a headache that lasted for weeks. 

His fingertips grazed the groove in his upper lip where the scar crossed, and his eyes followed the length of the gash along his chin. He’d always just stuck with an animal attack as his story. It wasn’t completely unheard of to be attacked on a camping trip, and it was usually at that point the questions would stop. He found that not many people liked hearing the gory details despite their curiosity, which worked out for him since he didn’t bother thinking of them. He flattened his hair over his face again and sighed, wishing it were longer. After a sudden lurch in his stomach, Remus averted his eyes from his reflection to finish his business and get dressed. He wasn’t too keen on anyone staring at his face for too long before feeling self-conscious, even himself.

 

Hope and Lyall Lupin were both talking over the small dining table in the kitchen when Remus walked in from upstairs. His father was adjusting his raincoat for work with his back to his son while finishing up his toast. His stature and build was much more pronounced than his son’s. Lyall stood up straight with broad shoulders, yet managed to still keep an aloof air about him, especially around Hope, who was busy rolling her eyes and putting her hair up in a bun. His father had tan skin compared to his mother stood across from him, with the same dark ashy hair and pale green eyes as Remus beneath his thick eyebrows. His mother stood across from him, being incredibly small statured compared to her husband. Her hands dropped to her hips when she finished tying up her hair, which looked a much brighter red than usual that morning compared to the normal hint of blonde since she decided to wear her green knit sweater. Her large, light brown eyes flicked to Remus’, and scrunched up in her smile as she greeted him good morning.

He’d just walked in at the tail end of their conversation, which from what he caught was his father mentioning he’d probably be getting home later due to a meeting. Remus couldn’t help but deflate a little at the thought of his dad staying back later than usual. It was a Friday, so he was feeling a little selfish and disappointed that his work was keeping him. His father followed suit with a bright smile of his own, then scarfed down his toast and gave his wife a crummy kiss on the cheek before ruffling Remus’ hair goodbye to cheer him up.

“It won’t last too long, I promise. I’ll be back in time for dinner.” He said. Then he winked and disappeared with a small ‘pop.’ That was usually his form of transportation whenever he left into the wizarding world, vanishing into thin air in one place, and reappearing in the next. Being the magical parent living in a non-magical town, there weren’t many indulgences he could take with his abilities while attempting to settle down with his wife and son. Remus couldn’t blame him though; after all he thought it would really nice to be able to be anywhere he wanted by just thinking about it. He decided not to ponder too much since he already woke up in a mood about school. With just the two of them staying in the kitchen now, his mother beamed at him as she tidied up his new mess of hair. She liked it out of his face much better.

“Since your father has his meeting, it’s just you and me tonight.” She said as she turned to grab her a Remus a raincoat and umbrella. Her kind face held its natural smile whenever she spoke. “I hope you’re prepared for a quiet night in.”

He smiled and grabbed his coat.

“Right. I dunno though… maybe dad will surprise us tonight. Remember last time he brought work home with him?”  He replied, making her giggle.

“I wouldn’t count on it.”

 

Remus enjoyed the car rides with his mother in their small blue four-door, mostly because he enjoyed their time to spend together and partly because she let him sit in the front, which he enjoyed very much. It was their time to talk and laugh and point out new things as they drove after moving. Sometimes after school she’d take him to the new places they spotted as a treat, or just as another opportunity to be around each other, which Remus enjoyed just as much. Unlike his father, she wasn’t as eccentric or witty, but her kind nature made others want to be around her. It proved the point that even she had no abilities according to the wizarding world, there was magic about Hope that was beyond anything Lyall could do. 

The pair pulled up to the school before too long and spent a few moments to make sure Remus had all of his things together. He tried not being to obvious with his reluctance to leave, but the longer he took making sure the straps on his bag were exactly the same length, the more he realised his mother was on to his stalling. While he was making some last minute adjustments his bag and making sure his umbrella’s handles was firmly in place, she fixed his hair away from his face one more time before giving him a sympathetic smile.

“Have a good day sweetheart. I’ll pick you up when class is over.” Remus swallowed hard and looked out to the group of his classmates all hoarding together. He supposed if she were going to let him stay, she would have stopped him by then. 

There was nothing particularly important about his day at school. The teachers gave their lessons, if Remus was called on he answered, and for a large part of the day, he stayed under the radar. The formula he’d come up with was simple and proved to work. The less attention he drew, the less he needed to talk about himself. Trial and error in the past had proven the system effective, though flawed since usually being more withdrawn towards his peers couldn’t help but make him feel quite lonely. To Remus it was a matter of time before he’d need to leave, anyway. Either he would slip with magic by making the erasers beat themselves or swell another classmate’s tongue that was teasing him over his face, or his monthly absences were drawing too much attention. Either way making friends wasn’t as important, even though sometimes he found himself wishing that he was also being invited over for dinner or picked first in partner assignments for a change. It was times he found his mind wandering that gave the familiar tug in his stomach that made him start second guessing his usual role of a wallflower—

“Mister Lupin, please.” His teacher’s croaky voice boomed through his ears and made him jump slightly at the sudden mention of his name. He’d been so lost in thought he’d almost forgotten his class was still going on without him. His mouth immediately went dry, feeling too embarrassed to ask his teacher to repeat himself. The man took a step forward and adjusted his glasses as well as his tone lower, putting more conviction in his gruff voice. “Am I boring you?” Remus quickly shook his head almost too quickly, and felt his cheek getting warmer as his classmates began their hushed laughter. “Then perhaps you know the material well enough that paying attention is beneath you?”

“I— Sorry. No sir.” He replied, feeling quite small. He knew all eyes were on him now as he could practically feel his classmates’ stares boring holes into him, as well as catch the stifled sniggers. He sank lower into his chair. Remus didn’t like being singled out, especially when he’d been compliant all day until he let his mind wander for what only seemed like a few moments. As his teacher went on, he felt the heat and colour rise in his face until his tone matched that of a tomato.

“Then perhaps it would do you some good to— to…” He reached to cover his mouth as though a nasty cough was coming over him. After a few seconds of gathering himself he continued, “To sit up straight and— _Ribbit.”_  

 

The light chuckling in the air stopped stone cold and turned to whispers of the class now trying to figure out amongst each other if they all had just heard correctly. He was especially sensitive to whispers, hearing the students hush around him all having the same thought as he did. The noise was precisely what Remus imagined a toad would make, sitting on a lily pad in a pond. It was this thought that made him especially nervous since it’s exactly why his teacher now quite literally had a frog in his throat. 

It wasn’t this first time something strange had happened to him when he was stressed out or scared. His father always warned and lectured during their lessons on magic about the importance of keeping control of his emotions for good reason, especially around non-magical people. Magic was difficult enough for him to understand and explain, and he was born with it. Having to explain it to people who had no magical ability at all was nearly impossible, and usually resulted in his family having to pack their things and leave town when particular events became too difficult to excuse. The more he thought about how this slip would be his family’s new reason for moving again, the worse he felt. Now he had the picture of his parent’s disappointed faces in his head, which was not going to help the situation at all.

Every time the teacher spoke, his predicament got seemingly worse. The croaking became more frequent and if the panicked look on his bespectacled face was any indication, was nearing on uncontrollable. With every croak, the whispers among the classroom turned into a dull roar, and then laughter. The man decided it’d be a much better idea to keep his mouth shut and immediately excused himself from the classroom, which then burst out into full conversation. Remus wanted to follow suit, but from listening to the scattered drabble figured it would be best to stay in his seat.

“D’ya think he’s gone mad?” The girl next to him asked, prodding his arm with her pencil.

“Nah, maybe it’s some kind of joke—“ He answered.

“It was really good though, I mean, he sounded _exactly_ like a frog.” She interrupted.

“It’s not that different than how he sounds now—“

“I can’t believe he chose the end of the day before the weekend to get ill…”

He decided it was probably best not to answer back and wait for her to carry her conversation on with another student who agreed with her, which she did the second someone else pitched his or her theory as to what just happened. It was all generally the same thing from what he could hear. The teacher was sick, or was just practicing his very convincing toad impersonation. There was no mention of Remus or any connection or coincidence mentioned at how this sudden outburst was in the middle of him being chastised. The awful gut feeling was lifting in his relief. Had he really gotten away with magic? He’d gotten questioned for smaller incidents before, but thinking back on his teachers face, he gave no accusatory looks to Remus before leaving. Suddenly the situation seemed more laughable, and a small smile snuck up on him thinking now that it was a very silly yet accurate frog impression indeed.

 

When classes dismissed, Remus hurried through the doorway to meet his mother out front. Even though it was still a light rain outside, he knew that if he lingered too long indoors, someone would be tempted to start a conversation with him about what happened if they were present or spread the gossip if they weren’t, and he wasn’t really feeling up to reliving the experience so soon. He anxiously rocked on the balls of his feet until the small blue car rounded the corner. Hope beamed at him from the drivers seat as he got himself settled and buckled in.

“I don’t know about you, but I’ve had the weirdest day…” she said wistfully, taking the car around the corner to the main road. He’d listened to his mother’s stories of her adventures at home while her husband and son were away countless times before. She spent the time cleaning, cooking, organising, decorating… and re-decorating. If there was anything that would keep her busy, it was a welcome task since she decided after starting a family that being a stay-at-home mother was something she’d always wanted. Before marrying Lyall she would have never expected it to be particularly exciting, but the enchanted objects the Lupins kept in their home always made for entertaining stories for her accounts of trying to handle them with no magical ability at all. Once she told Remus about how she spent an entire afternoon trying to organize furniture that his father bewitched to completely avoid her, in an attempt to make her compulsive needs to clean the carpets less difficult. This time it happened to be more of a mess she seemed to walk into since she took it upon herself to clean Lyall’s study, which was teeming with magical objects. Nevertheless, Remus smiled as she spoke. He always felt calm listening to the Welsh tilt in her voice, and to have his nerves unwound after the odd day he’d had himself was exactly what he needed. 

Aside from the recount of his mother’s most recent struggle with enchanted objects, the rest of the car ride home was otherwise filled with conversation of how the pair would spend the evening together. The initial idea was to have a drive into town and finally stop by one of the shops on their list of things to see, but as they bounced different ideas to each other they eventually both just agreed to lounge on the sofa with a bowl of popcorn and a movie. Hope had even taken the liberty of rummaging through her husbands office for his bowl of marbles, in case they decided to play a game later.

 

They were only about an hour into movie night when the glassware in the kitchen shook to accommodate for Lyall Lupin appearing out of thin air. He placed his briefcase on the countertop, alerting Remus and his mother to his presence. 

“Turns out the meeting wasn’t as long as I thought it’d be.” Lyall said, taking off his hat and scratching his head. “Prepping us for new laws to be in force soon… But I won’t bore you with the details. I almost fell asleep myself sitting through it.” He reached inside of his coat pocket and pulled out his wand. With a flick, his briefcase opened and all of the papers inside folded themselves neatly into aerodynamic shapes and sped off from the kitchen out of sight. It was hard to believe his dad ever had a boring day at work considering he worked in the Department of the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, which specialised exclusively on what Remus found one of the most fascinating parts of the magical world. He’d dealt with vampires, goblins, even dragons and unicorns, and if the stories he brought home were any indication, he was quite good at it too. If he was honest, Remus figured the meeting was a large get together of every creature in a room talking about whatever it was they talked about while the head of the department banged a large gavel as to discuss these new laws he mentioned. It sounded much more fun to be held back with magical beings than to sit and wonder how long it would take for an unintentional frog-voice spell to break.

Lyall made his way into the living room and was just getting ready to plop himself on the sofa to join his wife and son when there was a light and sudden tap on the front door, the noise making Remus perk up instantly on the spot. Hope stood up to answer, muttering about who could possibly be at their doorstep and their impeccable timing. Lyall groaned and cursed under his breath knowing instead of taking his long awaited seat, he’d have to greet whoever was waiting at the door with his wife since it was obvious that neither of them made any plans for an evening visit.

Remus leaned back into the couch with a half finished bowl of popcorn, tossing little pieces into the air and catching them in his mouth to occupy himself while his parents were entertaining whoever was at the door. He heard the handle turn followed by a very soft voice shortly after. From what his ears could pick up, it belonged to an older man, and didn’t sound familiar at all to Remus. His curiosity forced him to keep the popcorn still in his hands and to turn around to put a face to the voice he heard.

“Good evening, Lyall. I hope I’m not interrupting anything. I had requested your presence at the Ministry, but you must have left in quite the hurry after the council meeting.” The man said. The mention of his dad’s work made him stop tossing the popcorn immediately and turn slightly in his seat. The angle at which Remus was sitting made it difficult to see more than a glint of what he gathered was the man’s glasses. He quietly moved from the couch to get a better look without disturbing their conversation. 

His curiosity was filling his head with so many questions. The man must have been a wizard too, but did he work with his father? Even if he did, his work is in London. What was he doing on their doorstep in Wales? Lyall immediately ruffled the back of his own hair and apologized for his hasty departure. 

“It is all right, I’d hoped to visit your home and meet your family as well. I’ve only ever heard good things. I beg your pardon… my manners… You must be Hope Lupin, am I correct?” His mother confirmed and smiled softly as the man introduced himself. Remus didn’t catch his name when he first said it, but he could now clearly see that he was quite old. He had rings on the hand he took his mother’s with, and kind clear blue eyes that had not found their way over to him yet. He retreated his hand back and fondled his long white beard that matched his hair. “I trust you know why I am here?” He said, his voice suddenly taking a more businesslike tilt, his eyes searching both of his parents’.

“I do not, Professor.” Lyall replied, trying to sound equally as professional, and somewhat faltering. The man clearly made him nervous, but Remus didn’t have the faintest idea why, as he seemed very gentle to him. “Though, you mentioned you’ve been meaning to visit?”

“Ah yes, for some time now. Forgive me, but I have been waiting for a proper moment as I know it’s a very… well, sensitive matter.” Almost instinctively, Lyall pulled the door closer to him that there was not much more of an open space aside from what he and his wife were occupying, effectively blocking Remus’ view of their visitor completely. He must have known he was watching behind them. He snuck around to get another better look between the spaces of their shoulders, where he could now see the professor’s face in full. 

“And what matter might that be, sir?” His mother asked in an expectant tone of voice. The man seemed to make her nervous too, and it was obvious that her and Lyall were on the same page as they both looked incredibly on edge.

“A matter I’ve known for quite some time and have been preparing for to the best of my ability.” The man’s eyes wandered and settled on Remus’, making his heart skip. “The matter of your son.


	2. The Headmaster's Letter

His mother gasped and Lyall slammed the door, only to see it stopped by an invisible wedge. He tried frantically to shut the door as to prevent the man from entering while Hope took a step back, putting her arms behind her to guard Remus. It was obvious the man also possessed magical ability if his father struggling to keep him outside was any indication, but surely he wasn’t there to hurt any of them, Remus thought. Perhaps he was if his parents were acting so severely to the explanation of his visit. Either way, the tension was making him feel more nervous too, and he clung a hand to his mother’s arm. After the door flung open with a loud crash, Lyall drew his wand and pointed it at the Professor, who was now in full view and silhouetted by the twilight and doorframe. He kept his fingertips together and still kept his expression kind, yet firm. 

“Don’t take another step! I’m warning you now, I won’t let you take him—“ 

“ _Take_ him?” The professor looked puzzled, but only for a moment and glanced between his father and mother. “Let me be very clear, I do not wish to abduct or harm your child or you in any way.” This seemed to calm everyone down significantly, as his father slightly dropped his outstretched arm and his mother’s grip became less secure until Remus eventually stepped from behind her. 

“You don’t?” Hope replied, her voice wavering, the puzzled look having successfully transferred over to her from the professor.

“No. I see now I should have chosen my words more carefully. As mentioned before, this is a sensitive matter.” His eyes found Remus’ again and the lines around them quickly formed deep wrinkles to fit his smile. He bowed his head slightly and addressed Remus directly now. “My name is Professor Albus Dumbledore, and I am the Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I have been most anxious to speak with you, Remus.” Professor Dumbledore said softly, reaching out his hand.

Remus was still startled from the scuffle only a few moments ago to properly react to the introduction, yet still managed to grasp and shake the Professor’s hand. He wanted to catch up on all of the features about the professor that he missed before like his long silver hair that matched his beard that was also long enough to reach his navel, his purple robes that graced the floor as he walked, and his half moon spectacles. Remus hadn’t really met or let alone seen other magical people, so the man’s presence in his living room on what was supposed to be a regular movie night was a lot for him to take in. 

“Hogwarts, sir…?” He replied. He could tell he’d created another tension in the room with his question. 

“Yes. Shall we sit? There’s much to discuss.” 

 

Hope and Lyall, who were both noticeably more at ease, walked towards the living room to lead the party. Lyall still had his wand out and waved it so the armchair and sofa were facing each other with nothing to separate them but the coffee table with a bowl of black marbles inbetween. Hope walked to the kitchen to start the teakettle while Remus and Professor Dumbledore took their respective seats across from each other. After the room was set, his parents sat on either side of Remus on the sofa, and the Lupins waited anxiously for him to speak. The professor reached into his robes and pulled out a parchment envelope closed with a red wax seal. 

“I wanted to personally deliver this to you.” Professor Dumbledore said, holding out the envelope. Remus moved a bit of hair out of his eyes so he wouldn’t miss reaching for the parchment. In green letters was their home address in large green ink with no stamp, which at first he found odd, but of course so was sitting preparing to have tea with an old wizard calling himself ‘professor.’ He turned it over to open it, and was close enough now to notice he wax had a shield crest split into four quarters. He unfolded the first page of the envelopes contents, and noticed at the top of the page was the same insignia as the wax seal, only now he could see there was a lion, snake, badger, and a an eagle separated inside the shield. Underneath was the headmaster’s name along with his title (which Remus was glad he didn’t introduce himself with as it was quite extensive). 

His eyes fell to the text of the letter, and he felt his father tense up slightly next to him as he read aloud:

 

 

 

> Dear Mr. Lupin,
> 
> We are pleased to inform you that you’ve been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.
> 
> Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.
> 
> Yours sincerely,
> 
>  
> 
> Minerva McGonagall
> 
> Deputy Headmistress

 

Remus felt a flutter in his stomach. He’d always wondered what it would be like to go to school and be around other children who could do magic like him. Before turning over to the next page, Remus looked up to both of his parents. They’d exchanged a look with each other and turned their gaze to the professor. As if reading their minds Professor Dumbledore broke the silence

“I suppose you are concerned, and it is understandable. I am quite aware that Remus is a werewolf.” He said, causing another tension in the room. His words hung in the air until the teakettle whistled a few seconds later. Hope quickly got up again to tend to it, glad she was given an opportunity to excuse herself. The elephant in the room had now been uncomfortably addressed. Of course he’d known what he was. It was after he’d gotten his scars and was old enough to understand that his father explained to him that he would fall ill on the full moon. In this case, ill meant turning into an uncontrollably violent monster. “However, I think you’ll find the adjustments at the school the other professors and I have put forward will be more than enough to accommodate.”

“Adjustments?” Lyall said, sitting up a little straighter. Hope walked into the room with the tea set and started to pour everyone a cup, like Remus, not wanting to interrupt either of them speaking in case what was said was out of turn or strange. He understood it must have felt odd for her to be the muggle outnumbered by wizards.

“Indeed. With the upmost of discretion, I have met with the Minister on the matter and she feels the measures we all will be taking to be quite satisfactory.” He said, and smiled, thanking his mother for the tea. He dropped a lump of sugar and poured his cream by hand. “Not a single detail has been overlooked.”

“Where will I go?” Remus piped up. “I’m sorry, but I know I can’t be kept around people…” He didn’t want to sound rude for asking, but he’d already felt like he was sat in a dream that his intrigue was forced to the front of his mind.

“We’ve different options and avenues for such. All of which will be revealed and reviewed to you during your first week in the castle.” Said professor Dumbledore, expectedly in reply. “In-between classes of course.”

“What happens if someone finds out?” He asked. He knew there couldn’t have been many other magical schools out there, and with his record of being moved about he wasn’t feeling too confident.

“I assure you, no one will know.” He brought the cup to his lips and sipped. Remus had been so engrossed in the questions filling up his head, he didn’t notice his parents pour themselves a cup either. “The purpose is to have no one learn. You may think your affliction is volatile and unmanageable, but it’s not. As long as we are all cooperative and precise all will go smoothly for your time at school.”

“ _We_ being the other professors.” Lyall cut in, having a much more steady voice, but still the urge of concern. “What makes you so sure all of them are as willing to participate as you are?”

“None of them have anything to gain by sabotaging Remus. They are bound by their word and honour as Hogwarts professors to protect the school and her students. Should he accept, Remus will be included in that number.” Remus felt his chest start to swell. For the first time, other people would be able to help him. He was grateful for his parent’s sacrifices to keep him hidden, but knowing the burden from them would not only be lifted for his time at school, but shared among other powerful witches and wizards made the idea easier to accept.

“Pardon me professor,” Hope said in a small voice, holding her cup in both hands. “And, correct me if I’m wrong, but people like Remus aren’t exactly…” The colour rose in her cheeks. “Welcome...”

“You’re wondering my motive.” He replied. He put his empty cup down and touched his fingertips together, glancing and making eye contact with the three of them. “I want to prove that people like Remus are welcome in all places and not a point of prejudice. That lycanthropy like any other illness can be controlled and managed. That it is not a life sentence to exile of being a monster. Being frightened of yourself is no way to live.” His gaze stayed fixed on Remus’ then. “Should you choose to come to Hogwarts, I can promise that you will find yourself capable of things you can scarcely imagine.”

“In that case… I think whatever Remus decides we should support.” his mother said, smiling slightly and taking a warm hand away from her cup and brushing a bit of Remus’ hair from his eyes. His father nodded in agreement and looked back down to him for assurance. They’d been convinced, but there was still the hint of doubt tugging at his insides. He’d read over his letter again thinking it was too good to be true. This man he’d only met a few moments ago was giving him an opportunity to study magic at his school despite knowing what he was. He could hardly wrap his mind around the fact that Professor Dumbledore could be risking his many titles and also many lives by helping him, not to mention the other professor’s risk at the school as well. He shifted in his seat and looked up to professor Dumbledore again, still clutching the pages of his letter. 

“You’re sure it’s safe, sir?” He asked

“Completely. There is no place safer than Hogwarts, for you and your potential classmates.” The sentiment made him smile. Knowing others wouldn’t be harmed made the knot settle in his stomach much easier. “The other professors are all more than capable of handling the task I’ve given them for your time at our school, including the moments in between such as any accidental amphibian transfiguration.” He was now looking at him from above his half-moon spectacles. Remus felt his cheeks grow warm. He didn’t want to know how he’d found out about his slip earlier in the day, but he’d hoped the understanding was left at that. He’d been too elated otherwise knowing that he had the chance to make lasting friendships and break the cycle of loneliness at last with the Professor’s promise. The feeling alone tightened his throat as though he were on the verge of tears. Remus moved the hair completely from his face to look at his new Headmaster.

“Do we need to send an owl, or is it okay to just let you know I’d like to go to Hogwarts when the term starts?” Professor Dumbledore let out a soft laugh and his blue eyes twinkled.

“Now’s fine, dear boy.” He reached for the bowl of black marbles on the coffee table. “I haven’t played in ages… would you care for a game of Gobstones?”

 

So much happened in the next few months, it all had felt like a dream. Remus’ eleventh birthday came a few weeks after the Headmaster’s visit, and he couldn’t remember a happier time in his life. His father had given him his old school books to get a head start on his Hogwarts term, which even though the books were hopelessly outdated, Remus could not have been more excited to dive into them and catch up on as much as he could on the magical knowledge he’d missed. Though he treasured his father’s old books, they were (as all of his fathers gifts on his birthday) a close second to the special box of chocolates his mother gifted him. It’d become somewhat of a tradition for the two to share the sweets and enjoy them together, and as a result; they always became Remus’ favourite, bar none. 

With their family on the upswing, even the Muggle School became more bearable, especially knowing that it was only a stopping point to his real education. Lyall had suggested a move again after Remus finished his final term there, but to a wizarding village. He’d been throwing names around for weeks until finally settling on a place called Caerphilly in South Wales. This way they could still easily visit his mother’s side of his family that mainly made up of his maternal grandparents and aunt & uncle with their twins, but the shift would make things much simpler now that magic wouldn’t be something to hide. 

Lyall had been talking about it non stop, even as they all packed. His excitement eventually wore off on Hope, who was very much looking forward to moving to a magical village after hearing how much easier and relaxing it would be to have a magic solution for tough stains on the carpet from dirty boots. When they weren’t talking about leaving, Lyall told them all about Hogwarts. He talked about the different houses and being sorted into them, about classes and Quidditch, which he seemed to love a lot, and the feasts, which he’d always have the most to say about. As much as he enjoyed catching up on all of the years missed talking about his former school to his son, he’d have to stop himself from revealing too much in his excitement since he hoped Remus would enjoy himself learning every nook and cranny of the school during his time.

 

When the time finally came to move into their new home, all of the preparations had been made that the three of them travelled by way of fireplace by a method called Floo. After a crash course from his dad of being engulfed in green flames after tossing a handful of powder into the grate, Remus had decided he didn’t much like Floo travel. He crouched into their small hearth, clutching the powder tightly in his fist before shouting ‘3 Lleuad Way’ loud and clear like his dad instructed. Green flames swallowed and spun him round until he was stood upright and stumbling out of a much roomier fireplace. Remus coughed and dusted the soot off of himself as his parents arrived shortly after, earning himself a quick tut from his equally soot-covered mother for dirtying their new floor. His reprimand was cut short when she’d looked around the house to find it was already fully furnished. Remus noticed the very smug look on his father’s face as he patted himself down in the fireplace and ducking his head slightly while he walked out. 

“Ah, this Floo seems to run a bit over after it’s used.” Said Lyall, who still had his head turned slightly to the fireplace. The green flames licked the top of the hearth, which Remus assumed was similar to a door being left open after it was used. “No matter, it only looks like it’ll be there for a few minutes at most. I’ll put in an appointment to repair it after we’ve settled in a bit. Speaking of which,” He turned and faced them now and spread out his arms, gesturing to the room. “Welcome home.”

It clicked in Remus’ mind that his weekend hours at work were actually spent getting their new home ready, much to the satisfaction of his mother who was joyous and relieved that she wouldn’t have to sort his magical things.

The new living room was slightly larger than any other they’d lived in before, thus making much more room for their fireplace which had stood tall enough that even his father could easily walk through. The movement at the corner of his eye caught his attention, and soon noticed a clock shift all of its hands at once in the wrong direction. He walked up to it and squinted between the hair in his eyes to see a individual photographs of the three of them move from a ‘Travelling’ space to one labeled ‘Home.’

“We’re a wizard family in a proper wizarding village now. Wouldn’t be caught dead without one of those.” Lyall said, startling Remus. He tapped the clock twice with his forefinger, and the small portraits smiled at him. “Have a look around. I’ve already set up your room if you want to settle in. I’m going to show your mother what a great job I’ve done.”

“Yeah dad, it’s excellent.” Said Remus, who in complete honesty was very impressed with just one room of the house and how he’d managed to add character with little magical qualities. “I’ll explore a little… maybe you should show mum my room first in case it gets messy.

 

He made his way into the kitchen first after looking around the living room, where an out of place piece of parchment lay flat along its folds on the countertop. He didn’t pay much attention at first until he saw the signature of Albus Dumbledore in the middle of the page. Clearly the letter had been addressed to his father, but curiosity got the better of him as he carefully reach for the page as to not disturb his father’s owl pruning itself on the perch by the kitchen window. The letter was dated only a few days ago.

 

 

 

> Dear Lyall,
> 
> I’m glad to see you’ve settled on the house in Caerphily. I should have expected you to choose the village knowing your talent for the broomstick. I appreciate your haste in reply to my previous letters and your patience with me as I know it was a delicate topic to discuss. I’m pleased to inform you that I was able to book your private registration for the Ministry of Magic. It will be on 1 September at 8 AM sharp at the Leaky Cauldron. I was advised to inform you that a wand would be required as well. 
> 
>  
> 
> Give your family my regards, and we look forward to seeing Remus very soon.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Albus Dumbledore

 

Registration? Remus furrowed his brow. Perhaps for the school, that had to be it. He thought it must have been standard for all of the students to register for classes with the Ministry of Magic. It made sense, yet he still felt uncomfortable. Why hadn’t his father brought it up to him yet? Didn’t the professor say he wouldn’t need to send in an owl? He shook his head and set the page down where he found it, regretful of his curiosity. He decided it best to remove the thought from his mind entirely to avoid needlessly stressing himself out. After all, he wasn’t directly mentioned until the end of the note for regards, and knew he was winding himself up over nothing. He trusted his dad and he knew after what he went through to make sure he could attend his school, that it was in his best interest to trust Professor Dumbledore as well. The first of September wasn’t for another month after all, and his father had plenty of time to bring it up to him before then if it was any of his business. He turned on his heel to walk out of the kitchen and into the hall, where he would take his dad’s advice and explore the rest of his home.

He was totally impressed with how much work his father put into the house. Usually all of the strange and magical objects were confined to his designated office area, but now with it all spread out, it made looking around the rooms much more interesting than it had ever been in the past. Every stop had a sort of knick knack that made noise or moved in funny ways, like a self spinning globe in the spare bedroom and the cuckoo clock and the end of the hall that was uniquely responsive when asked for the time. He was especially pleased he didn’t run into his parents on his tour in case he caught them mid-smooch, which much to his mild disgust had been happening much more frequently lately. At least on his own, he could enjoy the discovery in his own time and top it off with plopping down on his own bed in his new room, which is precisely what he intended to do. Finally, Remus opened the door to his bedroom to find it fully furnished like the rest of the house as his father said. He smiled and shut the door behind him, grabbing one of his gifted books titled “A History of Magic” that lay on top of a stack on his desk. He fell backwards into his sheets and cracked open the book, reading until he’d eventually dozed off with the book draped over his face.

 


	3. Weighed and Measured

September was approaching fast. Before he knew it, Remus was packing clothes for Hogwarts and had read his acceptance letter so many times the parchment was getting worn. For the first time in his life, Remus was finally looking forward to school. His father told him the night before they would be spending a day in London to prepare for his trip as well as treat themselves to a vacation after he’d been long gone. According to him, they’d be taking the Floo again, but he’d managed to make a few tweaks to their fireplace that they wouldn’t look a complete mess when as they did when they arrived to their house for the first time. By the time Remus brought all of his things to the living room, his parents were already waiting for him by the fireplace. His dad grabbed the satchel of powder and held it out for him to grab a handful.

“The place we’re going is called the Leaky Cauldron, so that’ll do for the destination. It’s the best and oldest pub in London, and I’ve fared pretty well on a deal for a nice room, If I do say so myself” Lyall said with a wink, messing Remus’ hair after he took a handful of the powder. “We’ll go first, and you just follow right behind. It’s still midday so the faster we get settled, the faster we can get all of your supplies.” This made Remus especially anxious as he nodded in understanding. It all happened so fast that Hogwarts seemed so much of a fever dream that was still too good to be true. Remus knew that after he’d completed his list it would have to start feeling real, which he’d already read many times as he did the acceptance letter to the point where he almost could have done without it and gotten the supplies off memory.

His father took out his wand and waved it over the three suitcases to follow him into the fireplace. He took Hope’s hand and led her into the embers with him, shouting ‘The Leaky Cauldron!’ loud and clear before both of them were engulfed in green flames. After they disappeared and the flames calmed after a few minutes, Remus stood in the same place. He took a deep breath before throwing down the powder and mimicked his destination, shouting with as much clarity as he could. The flames wrapped around him and pulled him through to another fireplace, not even realising until he stepped out to meet his parents that it would be the last time he saw his home in Wales again until next summer.

 

The new room was the size of their home living room with doors on either end, which Remus assumed was for their bedrooms. The art and furniture was homey and neat even though it looked like it’d been frozen in time for hundreds of years, which Remus knew, could be entirely possible and was most likely the case. With magic, settling in only took a few minutes. Lyall had gotten comfortable with how he could offhandedly use magic whenever he wanted to, that it became second nature. With a flick of his wrist and wand, the bags flew next to their respective beds and ejected their essentials into the bathroom, folding their clothes for the week into neat piles into their temporary dressers. With an approving nod he pocketed his wand in his jacket.

“Exhausting business, unpacking...” He said in a pretend tired voice, holding out his arm for Hope to take. Remus walked next to them out of the room through the inn and to the pub downstairs, which had the same sort of frozen appeal as their room, only filled with much more people. Almost every seat had been filled with so many different types of witches and wizards that Remus didn’t know who to focus on first, the one armed wizard at the bar or the group of witches organising their silverware in midair. Lyall smiled and waved at the barkeep that’d been polishing a glass. He returned the gesture only to get called a few moments later by another patron, leaving the glass suspended to clean and polish itself.

 

Eventually, His father led them through the backdoor of the pub downstairs, leading to an alleyway and faced with a daunting brick wall. Lyall proceeded to tap several notches on I individual bricks in a pattern to make the wall shift, forming a perfect archway into a street full of colour and noise that was a complete contrast to the pub they left only moments ago.  
“I’d have suggested us to take the Floo straight here, but I like doing the brick thing, so...” He said, taking a step forward through the archway making sure they were close behind. “This is Diagon Alley. Everything you desire for all of your magical needs all in one place…”

Remus had no intention of ignoring his father’s speech about the new place they were in, but he was so overwhelmed by the new environment that it was getting difficult for him to breathe. He moved his hair from his eyes and tried to take in all of the colours, sounds, and smells, and thought even the air tasted sweeter. He darted his eyes around to the different people walking along the streets to the various storefronts titled as though they had gotten their names straight out of a fairy tale. Eventually his gaze trailed back to his parents, whom were both looking towards the direction of where Lyall was pointing. His mother nodded and turned her head back to Remus and smiled. She shrugged, indicating that while Lyall was passionate about whatever it was he was talking about, that he lost her shortly after he started.

“I think Remus is ready start getting his supplies.” She said, now tugging on his father’s sleeve to break his attention away from his lesson.

“Don’t stop him now, I think he’s getting to the best part.” Said Remus piping up loud enough that Lyall stopped mid-sentence to address them both.

“Right you are. I was going to tell you about—“

“Take a breath Lyall. You’ve got an entire week after he leaves to educate me, and he’ll be coming back every year.” She interrupted, adding sweetness to her tone as to not get in too much trouble for bursting his bubble. “Do you have your list, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, it’s… here it is.” Remus replied as he carefully unfolded the parchment as he’d done dozens of times before. “First thing is Robes, it says here.” Almost immediately, his father perked up and announced which way to go and to which shop, making Remus and his mother chuckle next to him.

 

So many hours passed before they finally sat down at the Leaky Cauldron for a dinner break, that Remus’ legs felt like jelly from all of the walking around. Even though he thought it was amusing at first having his dad spew facts about Diagon Alley, he was glad he knew where to go for the things on his school list to save them from any additional walking. Feeling as though all of the energy had been sapped out of him, Remus rolled up his sleeves after his burger arrived and started on it immediately. It was a little overcooked than what he usually liked, but he was so exhausted he didn’t care or pay attention. After a few minutes his mother took a sip from her glass of wine and let out a relieved sigh before breaking the silence of their fork and knife scrapes.

“Have you got everything on your list, Remus?”

“Oh—“ He replied, swallowing a large bite before continuing. “Not yet, I still just need a wand.” He tried not to sound too troubled by this. His wand had been what he was looking forward to the most, mainly because he’d wanted one of his own instead of using his father’s like he did for magic lessons. He thought by now since they’d passed the wandmaker’s shop so many times that he would just be getting his father’s, which really wouldn’t have been so bad either.

“Right of course.” Lyall spoke up, still eating forkfuls in between sentences. “I figured we’d get that last since it’s probably going to take the longest… and I figured going to get it while it was later when you’d gotten something to eat after walking around all day would make it a much more enjoyable experience.” This made Remus straightened up in his seat. “The rush is about over now too, so we won’t have too much of a wait either.” Remus couldn’t keep himself from smiling now. He wasn’t so tuckered out now knowing he’d be getting his own magic wand after dinner.

“That sounds like an excellent plan.” Hope said, running the tips of her fingers through the ends of her hair and finishing her glass. “While you boys do that, I’m going to sort through all of your things and put them in your trunk.”

“That sounds like a plan to me. Whenever you’re ready to leave, kiddo.”

 

The wand shop was trickled down to a few people now, just as his father said. When the two of them walked to the storefront, Remus could see three or four children his age given boxes by the old man behind the counter. He’d almost forgotten he wasn’t the only person who’d be starting school the next day, and suddenly his stomach turned. Surely they’d been much more prepared than he was, and were probably looking forward to this day for years while he’d only just been given an invitation months ago. What would they think of him when he walked in not quite knowing how to ask for ‘one wand please,’ without sounding completely stupid?

Lyall nudged him and handed him a small purple satchel filled with coins. He messed his hair once more.

“You have nothing to be nervous about.” He said with a smile, though usual joking tilt that was always present was gone now and replaced by something more temperate like it was when Professor Dumbledore was in their home. Remus nodded and fiddled with the bag as the other children rushed out excitedly bragging about their wands to each other. “I’ll be right outside when you’ve finished, alright? He’ll know what you’re there for.”

 

When Remus opened the door, the bell rang across the room and echoed through the seemingly endless shelves of wands. The wandmaker stood at his desk and grinned at him with his ghostly blue eyes scrunched between his smile lines.

“Welcome young sir. First year at Hogwarts are we?” He said. His voice was calm and soothing enough that Remus could feel his nerves begin to melt away.

“Yes sir.”

“Splendid, allow me to introduce myself.” He came from behind his counter and shook hands with Remus. “I am Garrick Ollivander, maker of fine wands. I assure you, you are in good hands my boy.”

“Remus Lupin, and thank you, sir—”

“Ah, Lupin!” He shook his hand harder now. “Your father Lyall’s helped me on more than one occasion with some of my business. Well met Remus, well met.” Both turned their eyes to the storefront where Remus’ father had his back turned, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

“I’m sure he’d like to say hello if you’d like me to get him?”

“Oh no no no, that won’t be necessary. As of right now, you are my priority young Mr. Lupin.” Mr. Ollivander reached into his coat for his own wand and summoned a round roll of tape into his hand. “If you please, I would like to take some measurements to get started?”

Remus nodded his head and Mr. Ollivander got right to work, measuring the length of his arms, torso, then eventually his head and fingernails which seemed very strange to him but knew it best to not question it. The tape snapped back into its case and he excused himself, only to emerge back with at least ten wand boxes and set them on his counter and beckoned for Remus to come forward.

“Here we are. I’ve grabbed a few to try out. I’ve got a good feeling about this batch here.” He opened the top box and handed Remus the handle of a short wand. “Go ahead and try it out, a simple wave will do.” Following his instructions, Remus flicked the wand with no result. He felt quite silly afterwards, and he placed the wand on the countertop. “That’s alright, acacia wood can be quite temperamental sometimes… not a good fit. Try this.” He held out another wand for Remus to grasp. This time when he waved, a few golden sparks ejected from the tip, making Remus smile up at Mr. Ollivander expectantly. “Hmm, close, but not quite. Try this one…”

 

The wand testing went on for fifteen minutes before Mr. Ollivander excused himself and disappeared once more behind another shelf of wands, leaving Remus to look disappointedly at his failed attempts all sprawled along the countertop. He appeared this time with a single box in hand, tapping it lightly against his palm.

“I apologise Mr. Lupin, but it’s only just occurred to me that I’ve been going about your wand all wrong it seems.” He said, unboxing and handing the wand straight into Remus’ hand once again. He felt warmth in his palm when he grasped it, and a bright silvery wisp trickled from the end only a few seconds later. The wisp quickly formed tendrils that surrounded Remus’ body like a warm cocoon, and dissipated into the air above him almost as quickly as it appeared. He fixed his eyes onto the spot on the ceiling above where he saw the magic evaporate, and dropped his eyes back to Mr. Ollivander.

“I like this one” He said sheepishly while twirling it slowly in his hands. He was hardly able to contain the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Remus had never been one to feel attached to an object before then, but something about the wand in his hand was telling him they were perfectly matched.

“It would appear the wand feels the same.” Ollivander replied, rubbing his stubbly chin with his thumb with a very satisfied look on his face. “The objects are keen to symbolism it would seem...” Remus looked up to the man, tilting his head slightly at the sentiment.

“Sir?”

“I always say that it is the truly the wand that chooses its master. Cypress, ten and three-quarter inches with the hair of the same unicorn your father helped me to rescue in its core.” Mr. Ollivander took out his wand a final time and waved to the used boxes, making the wands pile neatly into them and soar back into their respective slots, waiting to choose their masters. “A story for another time of course. That will be eleven galleons dear boy, and best of luck in school.”  
Remus politely thanked him after receiving his change and met up with his father outside, who now seemed incredibly interested with the number of buttons on his coat. He turned his head when the bells rang from Remus opening the door, and smiled at him.

“See? I told you it would be nothing to worry about.” He said, turning his head towards the window and waving before nudging his head back to the direction of the Leaky Cauldron. “Let’s head back. Big day tomorrow, and we need to make sure your mother hasn’t gotten herself into a mess in that room by herself.”

 

The next morning was an early rise. He didn’t get much sleep the night before knowing what awaited him the following day, and Remus was grouchy his father had decided to wake him up at what felt like was the crack of dawn. He thought he gave a good argument for an extra five minutes of sleep, but his request was quickly denied when Lyall tossed his clothes on top of him. With another groan, Remus sat up and glanced at the clock, which was only showing a few minutes passed seven.

“But— The train doesn’t leave until eleven.” He said mid-yawn as the clothes tossed onto him only moments ago folded themselves to prevent from creasing.

“Yes.” Lyall replied while tying his tie. “One can never be too early. And besides, we’ve got a quick errand to run.”

“An errand? I haven’t forgotten anything, have I?”

“It’s not for supplies. It’ll be quick. Hurry up and get dressed.” He urged, now with more finality in his voice. “The sooner we get it done, the sooner you can go back to bed, I promise— oh, and don’t forget your wand.” With his final word Lyall walked out of sight, leaving Remus to grumpily dress himself with the pile of clothes on top of him. He noticed it wasn’t his first choice of comfort for the train ride ahead, and that his father gave him a white button-up shirt and black slacks. Too tired and annoyed to complain, Remus just shut the door and did as he was asked and changed. He took another once over in the mirror; feeling like his hair in its usual mess was completely out of place with how he was dressed.  
Lyall was waiting for him alone in the living room area and checking his wristwatch when he emerged. Remus clocked the absence of his mother immediately.

“Are we still waiting on mum?” He asked, looking at their closed bedroom door. His father turned his head as well before swinging back to the task at hand and ushered Remus to the main door leading into the main hallway of the Inn. “No, it’ll just be the two of us again.” He checked his watch once more. Thank you for getting ready. That’ll put us right on time.” He reached into his coat for his wand, and tapped the doorknob twice, leaving behind a small sign asking for housekeeping to return later.

“On time for what?”

“No time to explain. We won’t be going far, just down to another room actually.” Remus was getting apprehensive at his father being so hurried and cryptic. He led them both to a room at the end of the hallway and knocked on the door. He took a deep breath and exhaled, making it clear now to Remus that whatever they were doing was serious. He turned to him and placed a hand on his shoulder before speaking.  
“Listen, it won’t be like getting your wand, I’m going to be with you the whole time— and it- it won’t take long. I just don’t want you to be nervous.”  
“Why would I be nervous?”

 

As if answering his question on queue, a man in a perfectly tailored pitch-black suit opened the door to greet them. He was a tall and slick, and his aftershave made Remus want to scrunch his nose. He had long silver hair brought neatly to a ponytail with an equally coloured beard sculpted to a point, and dark enough eyes that his pupils were lost in their surrounding colour. Without looking at Remus, the man greeted his father with a curt nod and gestured for the two of them to enter. The room had been considerably smaller than what his family reserved, as there was only enough space for the three of them along with a table in the center with chairs on both ends. The only light in the room was coming from the rising sun through a lone window, casting an ominous silhouette of the man in the suit. He sat in the seat farthest away, and gestured for Remus to sit in the seat across, still not bothering to look at him or make introductions.

“Thank you for your time. We are here today to officially catalog one Remus Lupin for the Ministry of Magic under the Official Werewolf Registry.” He said in a strong and rattling kind of voice that gave Remus goose bumps. “To authenticate, we are joined by the caretaker to witness the event—“

“ _Father_.” Lyall cut in abruptly.

“…Yes, of course. The father. Let us begin.” He waved his hand and a from beneath the table rose a large leather-bound book along with another device that resembled a kind of scale. “Your wand please, young man.”  
Remus remained quiet while taking his new wand from his pocket. He felt the need to remain as cooperative as possible, partly because he wanted this to be over as soon as possible, but mostly because he couldn’t stop thinking about the letter Professor Dumbledore left for his father regarding the moment at hand. He handed his wand into the man’s bony fingers without looking at his father beside him. He was annoyed at the meeting being kept from him and regretted not asking when he found the letter, as it was obvious now that it was very much his business to do so. His wand was placed on the scale, and the Registry official opened the book to the latest entry almost midway through.

“Is that really necessary?” Lyall asked sternly, referring to the scale and folding his arms.

“I am simply taking the proper precautions.”

“To what.”

“Ensure that he will not be a threat. Having the wand properly weighed and measured will make him a lot easier to track down

when— if things get messy.”

“They won’t.” He replied through his teeth with his jaw clenched.

“Then you have nothing to worry about, unless you don’t trust Dumbledore enough to keep his word?” The room fell into a very tense silence. The only noise came from Remus’ wand on the scale as it turned to point to him, signaling the official to scribble down in the book. “Wand wood?” He asked, still refusing to look at Remus and not looking up from his quill.

“Cypress, sir.” He replied clearly, thankful for the change in subject and trying to stay as respectful as possible, even though it was obvious to him now he would not have it returned.

“Core.”

“Unicorn tail hair, sir.” The man scribbled again and nodded, then turned the book so that Remus could read it. The left side of the page had been full of notes about his physical appearance from his hair colour to the detailed description of his scars. The right side had been filled out too by another sort of description, but Remus averted his eyes the second he saw ‘Large and sharp teeth.’ The man handed him a separate quill and ink. Remus instinctually brought his gaze to his father, as he’d never written with one before. Lyall made a sort of dipping motion with his hand and he followed suit, saturating the tip of the quill too much. He awkwardly tapped the tip to the edge of the ink well in an attempt to empty it again.

“Now, we will need your signature here.” He said, pointing with his own quill. Remus clumsily doused his quill again and scrawled his own name where he was told with mild success. “Please bear in mind that the registry extends to St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries as well, where upon visits you are to wear official tags that are to be renewed every five years, understood?” Remus nodded quickly, becoming more agitated with the task at hand. Professional or not, he could sense the venom in this man’s voice. He bit his tongue and did what he was asked. He noticed there weren’t many spaces left for his signature and knew it would at least be over soon. “Good. Initial here. Lastly, and most obvious, should any harm come to anyone from you in your transformed state, the punishment will be severe.”

“Just sign here for that part then, sir?” He didn’t realise how much conviction he had until he looked up from the book to see the man sneering at him.

“Yes.” After Remus was finished with the last stroke of his signature, the book snapped shut and slid quickly to the other side of the table away from him. The man’s sneer fell back into a frown as he took a pair of black leather gloves and two glass slides from his inner jacket pocket. “Your wrist.”

“What’s all of this nonsense now?” Lyall burst out, his voice sounding quite tense.

“This, as you of all people should know,” he replied as he slipped on the gloves, “is a completely standard part of the registry, Mister Lupin. And if I have another outburst from you expecting me to be lenient because he is your son, the process will be much more difficult than it needs to be.” His voice was final as it silenced Lyall, and he held out his gloved hand to him. “Now boy, your wrist.”

Remus reached over the table and the man carefully rolled up his sleeve and turned his arm so that his palms were facing up. He waved his wand once, and a sharp prick of pain gave way to a drop of blood that he collected with one of the glass slides. Remus kept himself from wincing, as he wanted more than anything to prove he wasn’t afraid, for himself, his father, and to the ministry official taking samples of his blood. Just as quickly as he’d made the cut, with another wave of his hand it was gone along with any indication of pain it’d left behind. Remus brought his arm back to his side as soon as he was released and the man stood on his feet and adjusted his jacket.

“That will be all for the registry.” He said, and with a flick of his wrist, the book flew from the table to one of his hands, and the scale collapsed into the size of a pocket watch and jumped into the other. “I will head back to the Ministry so that this… experiment, can commence. Best of luck and good day to you both.” He gave a curt nod to Lyall. “Lupin.”

“ _Malfoy_.” Said Lyall as though he were relieved to finally address an awful taste in his mouth.

 

The two of them walked back to their room in silence before stopping at the door. Lyall took a deep breath and turned to Remus again to kneel in front of him.

“I know you’re frustrated and probably wondering why I haven’t brought this up to you before now?” Remus shrugged and kept his gaze fixed on the floor. “ I just- I knew how excited and happy you’d been since you agreed to go to Hogwarts, and I didn’t want your experience soiled by having to look forward to something like this, or people like him.” Of course Remus understood. He wasn’t angry with his father; he was more annoyed at how he knew exactly how he’d react. Annoyed, and a little uneasy, as he knew if he wanted to keep his secret he’d need to get better at putting up the proper walls as to not give himself away.

“I understand. Thanks dad.” He locked his eyes with the matching ones of Lyall’s and squirmed uncomfortably. “Is it okay if I change my clothes now? I’d rather wear a jumper for the train ride instead of this thing.” Remus flapped his arms slightly and they both smiled. Lyall stood to his feet to mess his hair again, giving him permission to change into whatever he wanted.

 

A few hours passed when the Lupins arrived at King’s Cross station. Lyall had taken charge again making sure the transition to the platform was as smooth as possible for all of them. He’d given Hope and Remus a crash course on the way, and from what he could remember; the idea wasn’t too complicated. Running straight through an invisible barrier between the platforms seemed about as easy as it could get.

“Alright, do we remember what to do?” said Lyall as they arrived in the space between platforms nine and ten.

“Yep.” They both replied simultaneously. Remus pushed his trolley to face the wall, and waited for a family to pass in front of him before casually strolling forward. He gripped the handlebar tight as he approached the barrier and held his breath. He’d never gone through a magical obstacle before and was concentrating very hard on putting what could go wrong out of his mind. Only a second after his trolley phased through the wall, he heard the train whistle loudly and he emerged into an exact mirror of the station he’d just left. He looked up to the sign reading ‘Platform 9 ¾‘ and smiled. Looking around, there was what seemed like a hundred of other witches and wizards with their children, all of who were getting ready to board the train just like him. Remus felt a weight drop in his gut, making his smile slowly fade and drew his gaze back down to his trunk. His parents sauntered through shortly after, and noticed his mother clinging to his father’s arm with a bewildered expression on her face.

“See love? Not bad at all. I think we did brilliant for our first time.” He said, nudging her. “I haven’t been here in so long. It hasn’t changed a b—” He was interrupted by a woman calling his name across the platform. He assured the two of them he’d only be gone for a moment and dashed off.

“See that? Pulls us into the magical world and ditches the first second he can.” Hope laughed. “It looks like a normal train though, I think we can find the door without getting into too much trouble. Standing by this entrance is making me nervous anyway.” Remus nodded in agreement and the two walked side by side together, weaving through the other children and parents until arriving at an open enough space to stand and wait for Lyall. “How are you feeling?”

“…A little like I’m going to be sick.” He replied. He tried hard to stay positive about leaving for school, but now that the time had come to actually leave, he worked himself into a nervous mess.

“That’s normal I think.”

“I don’t know. What if… what if something bad happens?” He asked, thinking back to the meeting and what Mr. Malfoy had said about punishment. Even though he tried hard to convince him that he wasn’t afraid, truthfully he was terrified.

“Hm. Well I’m no expert in anything magical beyond your father’s knick knacks… which still confuse me sometimes, but I’m an expert on my son.” She said, moving his hair from his eyes, encouraging him to look at her own. He was glad he did, as her gentle smile instantly made him feel better before she spoke again. “No matter what other people might think or say, I know you could never hurt anyone. You are not a your illness.” She gently stroked his cheek. “I think that why I’m so proud that you decided to go. Now you can prove for to everyone else what I already know.” Remus felt his heart flutter and let his mother pull him in for one last embrace goodbye.

“Sorry! I’m sorry, I’m back now.” Lyall said after jogging back, taking his place next to his wife, who rolled her eyes again at his nerve. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. I did us a favour saving you from that chatterbox.” Remus laughed knowing it was the last time he’d see his parents for a while and wanted to remember them in that moment, laughing, loving, and proud of him.

“This is it. Are you ready?”

“Yeah” Said Remus, his heart fluttering still, but now in new anticipation. “I am.”


	4. A Train to the Beginning

At eleven sharp, the train departed, leaving his parents as slowly disappearing dots through the window as he waved goodbye. Remus took a deep breath and peeled himself away from the glass to look for an open car to settle into, which took him towards the back of the train. He opened the sliding door and settled himself in next to the window, taking one of the chocolate bars from his knapsack to calm the rest of his jitters. He’d already started missing his mother terribly after her last words to him, and the chocolate she’d packed him only made the ache stronger. There was a tap at the door and Remus saw another boy was trying to get his attention. He had a round face and frame as well as oily sandy blonde hair that looked like it’d been pushed back with his fingers rather than a comb.

“Hello, Do you mind if I sit with you?” He said. Remus shook his head, and the boy entered, closing the door behind him. “Thanks. Everywhere else is full, you know. I didn’t know there would be so many students on the train, did you?”

“I guess not. I haven’t really thought about it.” Remus shrugged. His answer seemed to please him as the other boy made himself more comfortable in the seat across from him. Remus could tell he’d been glancing at his scars, and knew it’d be best to steer the conversation away from them. After all, this was his first chance of making friends with someone his age, and since Hogwarts was the long-term goal, he figured starting sooner than later would make things much easier. “I’m Remus by the way, Remus Lupin.”

“Oh— my name’s Peter Pettigrew.” He replied.

“Peter Pettigrew? Kind of rolls of the tongue, doesn’t it?” Remus said, with a small smile.

“Yeah well, my parents weren’t creative enough to think up a name like Remus.” Remus shrugged and broke off a piece of chocolate and tossed it over to Peter, who after a minor fumble was able to thank him. “Lupin though, I feel like I know that name from somewhere. You’re not muggleborn, are you?”

“No.” Remus answered back quickly. He’d come across the term in one of his father’s textbooks. It wasn’t uncommon for witches or wizards to be born from two muggle parents, even though Remus knew in his case he had at least one. “I mean, my mother is a muggle, but I’m a half-blood.”

He didn’t like the way he’d referred to his mother whom only been missing not five minutes before Peter walked in. Even though he knew it wasn’t intended, the word made her sound inferior. Peter was fascinated by the fact regardless, as he at up to the edge of his seat and asked Remus what it was like for him to have a parent who could not perform magic. He told him about his life in the non-magical community and having to move after it became obvious he was a wizard. Even though at the time the situations seemed so stressful, talking about it now made Remus laugh. Peter spoke about his life at home too, and how he unlike Remus had never set foot in a muggle community until that day to get to the train. Peter was a pure-blood whose family lived in Devon, and mentioned that he could trace his family back hundreds of years which was something he was quite proud of by the way he puffed out his chest in saying so.

 

The pair went back and forth for a little more than an hour, comparing and contrasting their vastly different childhoods. Remus found Peter incredibly interesting and knew he must have been an expert in magic already since he’d been around it his entire life. Peter seemed to be much more dumbfounded that Remus had already been going to school for years, claiming it was incredible the lengths muggles go through to make sure children know how to read and do basic maths. An old woman pushing a trolley full of colourful sweets and treats soon interrupted them.

“First round from the trolley! Can I get you anything, dears?” She asked. Peter jumped quickly from his seat and reached deep into his pocket for his gold coins as he walked up to the cart at the door.

“Oh yes! I’ll have, erm… three. Of everything.” He said, making the old woman giggle before carefully placing each of the different items in a bag for him.

“Three of everything?” Said another boy’s voice from the other side of the cart. “Don’t you think you should slow down a bit, butterball? You know there’s a feast after we arrive.” This made Peter’s ears turn quite pink, and Remus stood to his feet. He didn’t like hearing Peter get teased.

“N-not that it’s any of your business, but if you must know, I’m sharing with a friend.” Peter replied, not very confidently.

“Sharing? Count me in!” The boy came around from behind the woman still bagging Peter’s things and squeezes his way into the car with them as other first years started attracting to the cart. “Three is a nice even number for all of us I think.” The other boy had a long curly mess of brown hair that only just touched down to his shoulders, and had cool piercing grey eyes that he kept his hair out of. He smiled brightly at the both of them and plopped himself down on the seat. “Name’s Sirius Black by the way.” Once he introduced himself, Peter seemed to get even more nervous.

“I guess— I mean, it’s fine to share. You make a fair point about the feast; I’ve heard it’s more that enough food anyway. You don’t mind do you?” Peter said looking over to Remus, who shook his head knowing his say in the matter was gone the second Peter lost his grip. “I’m Peter Pettigrew.”

“Nice.” Said Sirius, who now propped up his feet on the seat across next to where Remus was standing. “What about you?”

“Remus.”

“… That’s a lovely first name.”

“Lupin.” Remus finished.

“Cool scars, Remus Lupin.” Sirius said, making him fight the urge to mess his hair over his face.

 

The older woman finished up bagging the haul, and had accumulated quite a now noisy line of other first year students in doing so. Clearly the noise had become too rowdy since another student wearing a dark green sash over his black robes most likely to be in his last year, ordered loudly at all of them to disperse and grab from the trolley one at a time like civilized people. Very quickly, the line broke and the students ran to the first available car as to not get yelled at again, including the one Remus, Peter and Sirius were currently sat in.

Only three more guests, two boys and a girl who now completely filled the car joined them. The girl sat next to Remus and one of the other boys she seemed to be friends with sat on the other side of her. The girl had fiery red hair, much more saturated than his mother’s but made him start to miss her again nevertheless. The boy next to her was pale in colour and had long hair like Sirius’, but it was much more kempt and was sleek black.

“We’re only waiting until the line dies down to get our sweets and go back to our car.” The girl said while tucking a bit of red hair behind her ear. Peter shrugged, still clinging to his bag of sweets in between Sirius and the other boy, who scoffed before speaking. His hair was just as untidy as Sirius’, but nowhere near as long or curly. He pushed his round glasses up the bridge of his nose and scoffed.

“Who does he think he is telling us all of like that?” He said, looking to all of them sat in the car, clearly hoping to build some kind of camaraderie.

“Probably the Head Boy.” Said a deadpan voice on the far side of Remus. “Was it not obvious?” The girl nudged him and lightly shook her head, making him shrug. The boy with the glasses folded his arms in a huff and sat back in his chair, still grumbling about how unfair it was that he was being made to wait for his treats.

 

With so many people occupying the room now in such a short amount of time, Remus began to get anxious. He was thankful for Peter who soon broke the silence by introducing himself as well as taking the liberty to introduce Remus as well, who self-consciously waved to all of them from his seat at the window.

“I’m James.” The boy with the glasses piped up. “James Potter.”

“I’m Lily Evans, and this is Sev.” Lily said, looking at all of them and smiling while the boy next to her sat up straighter, which made Remus notice the slight hook in his nose now that he had a good view of his profile.

“Severus is fine. Severus Snape.” He said in a proud sort of voice.

“Severus Snape?” Sirius said almost immediately in a playful tone. “Well my name is Sirius, his is Remus, and if yours is Severus, we should really think about starting a club.”

“I’ll pass.” Said Severus in the same blank voice he hit with James moments before.

“Your loss, Sev” Sirius said, making Severus roll his eyes and lean back into the seat. Sirius ran his fingertips through the ends of his hair, which made Remus smile slightly to himself and realise why it was probably so messy. “So I think it’s safe to say we’ll all be future classmates, right? No one is wearing their robes yet at least.” He nodded his head towards Remus. “What about you?” He asked, addressing him directly this time. “Where do you want to end up?”

“Er, well,” Remus started, already feeling his hands getting clammier. He thought about the crest in his letters being sectioned off into quarters, and skimming over it in his books. He’d wished he found the section on the Hogwarts houses more interesting now he was being asked about it. “I guess… Ravenclaw?” He said, pulling the name out of memory. His choice made Sirius (and as a result Peter) snicker slightly. He gripped his knapsack a bit tighter and was thankful his ears weren’t visible as he could feel them turning pink.

“I agree.” Lily said looking at him. It wasn’t until her eyes met his that he noticed they were a similar, but much more vibrant shade of green than his own. “I think Ravenclaw would be brilliant. It’s where the brightest witches and wizards end up.” Her response made him feel better, especially since it made their giggling stop. “And what about you, Sirius? Since you seem to be the most interested, you must have a house in mind.”

“My house is made up for me already, being a Black and all.” He replied, resting his arms behind his head. “My family’s been in Slytherin for ages, so that’s where I’m headed.” Remus noticed Peter and James’ reactions, as they were completely opposite. Where Peter seemed to be completely fascinated again, James only rolled his eyes seeming completely disinterested, still eyeing the sweets trolley. “How about you James?” Sirius said, getting his attention. “Where are you heading if you’ve got the choice?”

“’Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart’ like my dad.” James replied immediately, now having much more pride in his voice. His answer didn’t surprise Remus in the slightest. Even though they’d only met a few moments ago, he could see James belonging to a group of people Severus laughed under his breath, earning another nudge from Lily. “Got a problem with that?” He exclaimed defensively.

“No.” said Severus, “If you’d rather be brawny than brainy.”

“Better than being a sniveling prat if you ask me.” He replied, earning another ‘nice’ from Sirius.

“Hey—“

“Last call for something from the trolley.” Said the woman who was peering into the room with a smile, successfully interrupting any more rising. James stood to his feet and dashed to the door to put in his request. He turned his head over to Sirius to ask if he wanted anything since he was paying. Sirius perked up immediately and accepted, listing off a few of his favourite treats, which made Peter visibly uneasy.

“Not staying then?” he asked once Sirius was finished, being careful not to interrupt him.

“Nah, I kind of invited myself into your snacks… besides, now there’s more for you and Remus Lupin to share.” Said Sirius, with the same playful tone he used towards Severus. Remus felt a bit uneasy but knew he’d much rather be played at with his name than anything else, so he just gave a thumbs up to give his approval for the decision. Sirius gave him a pleased look. Once James had his bag, he beckoned Sirius to come with. “That’s me guys. See you at school!” And just as quickly as he’d entered, he’d left, leaving just the four of them sat together until Lily and Severus stood together for their own turn with the trolley woman. Severus spoke to for both of them in ordering.

“What? No more Cauldron Cakes?” He cried sounding incredibly disappointed. The woman apologized, explaining that the boy just ahead of them grabbed the last of exactly what he wanted. Remus felt sorry for him too. It seemed that Severus had been getting the short end of the stick since he stumbled into their car. He asked Peter if he could see his bag, and rummaged through the sugary treats until he found something that closely resembled both a cauldron and a cake. Once he took it out, Remus gently tapped Lily’s arm as she was closest to him, and held it out for her.

“Here you go. We have one more for each of us anyway, so if he wants it I’m happy to give it.” He said, not even realising it was the most he’d spoken to anyone except for Peter. Lily smiled and accepted, handing it over to Severus who looked marginally less disappointed but making Lily look much more relieved.

“Thank you Remus.” She said while tucking her hair behind her ear again when her eyes met his. He could tell she was nervous to look at him, even with his hair draped over his face Remus knew his scars weren’t completely avoidable. He was just thankful she didn’t address them like Sirius had. Once Severus nodded her to head back to their own car, she headed out the door as James and Sirius had. She stopped to close the door and waved goodbye to both of them. “See you later. Don’t spoil your appetites with all of those sweets, boys.”

 

Naturally, after a few hours the pair had gone though almost every single treat Peter snagged from the trolley. He’d been kind enough to give Remus a brief description of each of the sweets before tossing them over to him to try for his own. What he was most looking forward to were the chocolates, particularly the chocolate frogs he’d seen Peter take out boxes of. Remus took a small bite to taste each of the sweets as to be as careful as possible from filling his stomach, unlike Peter who started groaning halfway through from a bellyache. When he finally got around to the frog box, Remus pried open and the frog jumped just out of reach from out of the box to underneath his seat. Remus leaned over his knees to get a look of where it ran off to, when seeing his trunk reminded him of the time.

“You think we should get changed soon? Into our robes I mean?” He said as he sat back up straight. “It’s starting to get dark so we should be arriving pretty soon.”

“Do what you want, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to move for another hour or two.” Peter replied, lying down onto his mess of wrappers and foils.

“.... Well why did you eat—“

“Don’t.” Peter interrupted in warning, pointing a finger out to him. Remus chuckled and reached for his trunk to get his robes. He folded them over his arm and headed out of the car and down the hall into a vacant lavatory to change. Just as he arrived and reached for the door handle, it swung open and surprised him to another girl already changed into her robes and looked just as equally startled at him standing there. Her light blonde hair was tied into low pigtails, and her perfectly trimmed bangs were almost covering her eyes like Remus’.

“Oh! I’m sorry were you wanting to use it?” She said incredibly flustered. “I’m finished now, sorry.”

“I— yeah, it’s okay.” They awkwardly shuffled and switched positions in the confined space of the hallway.

“Oh, be careful if you’re going to wash your hands. I think someone was being nasty and jinxed the sink to soak first years trying to use it.” She said before he could thank her or excuse himself. “I moved out of the way in time, but that’s why the floor is wet. Sorry again.” She fumbled all over her words and multiple apologies then quickly turned on her heel and down the hall to her own car, leaving Remus standing in front of an open door and wet floor.

 

After taking a few minutes to carefully navigate around a sink trap and wet floor, Remus eventually made it back to Peter who was lying down exactly as he left him. He was enough of a warning that even though he’d been feeling quite pecking and anxious, that he occupied himself instead by cleaning up the mess they made. It was passed sunset now into twilight, and through the window Remus could see a massive dark lake surrounded by mountains. He noticed pinpricks of light on its surface thinking they were stars, until the outline of a castle became more solid as the train approached until it was completely visible. Hogwarts was more than he could have imagined, even seeing photographs of it in the books could not compare to the sight of the castle itself. It stood majestically on a mountain as though carved from its stone. If he didn’t know any better, Remus would have guessed the mountains were made for it rather than the other way around the way it fit perfectly in the aesthetic. He heard Peter rummage and move to get his robes but he remained glued to the window, still in awe of the sight, wondering if there were other people appreciating the view like he was.

“Which way to change?” Peter said, sounding much more coherent now that his stomach had settled. Remus pointed in a vague direction behind him, hoping it was enough for Peter to go by so he could finish enjoying the view for a little longer.

 

“Firs’ years teh me!” A loud booming voice said as the crowd of students all disembarked the train. “Firs’ years this way please!” Remus walked with Peter a ways down to follow the voice, to find it belonged to a man who stood almost twelve feet tall with long black bushy hair with a beard to match. Peter nudged Remus and whispered the obvious that the man was indeed very large, making Remus smile. The man beamed down to the group of first years once they were all rounded up. “Welcome!” He shouted, spreading his arms open. “I’m the Keeper o’ the Keys and Grounds, Rubeus Hagrid. But you lot can jus’ call me Hagrid.” He took a hanging lantern from a hook on the train and turned around to walk. “Follow me an’ try’n keep up now. An’ I hope none of yeh get seasick…” Hagrid led them down a path away from the other students, who were all boarding horseless coaches in the other direction. They eventually arrived at the bank of the great lake lined with a dozen boats. “Three or four teh a boat now, don’ be shy. Gonna be makin’ friens’ sooner or later, eh!” He laughed. Remus and Peter headed to the nearest boat in front of them when James and Sirius, who both looked pleased to see them again, joined them shortly.

“Looks like we lucked out since we’re already great friends, eh?” Said Sirius who was settling himself into the boat. James, who seemed to be in a much better mood followed shortly after him, patting Remus and Peter on the shoulders as he stepped in.

“Glad we’re sharing with you guys.” Said James. “We were just saying on the train how we’d hoped we’d bump into you again before we were sorted.”

“Thanks. Glad you were able to get your hands on your sweets.” Remus said climbing in shortly after Peter who was still moving sluggishly. After they were all settled, Hagrid gave a command and the boats set sail on their own. They glided over the lake to the castle, which only got bigger and more impressive as they approached. James and Sirius were chattering on again about the sorting, and Peter seemed to finally have enough energy to join in after a few moments of listening. Remus enjoyed listening to their back and forth about how clearly Gryffindor was the house to be in, even Sirius who already knew he’d be placed into another house. He didn’t care much where he was placed, as he had vastly different priorities.

 

The boats pulled into a tunnel beneath the castle to an underground harbor lit by torches all across the carved stonewalls. All of the first years filed from their boats and grouped near a large staircase that undoubtedly took them inside Hogwarts itself. Hagrid led the group up the stairs and a direct path to the largest set of double doors Remus had ever seen, and a witch standing at its base. She stood tall in dark green robes and pointed hat, and her long black hair was done in a braid over her shoulder. She held a stern face with a scroll in her hands and Remus knew that unlike Hagrid, this woman was most definitely one of the other professors. He wasn’t sure whether she made him feel eager as he was now looking at the only other person in the room who knew his secret, but it was for certain that her sharp smooth features made him feel intimidated. Her voice was exactly as he would have imagined a Scottish heroine leading soldiers into battle.

“Welcome students. In a few moments you will enter our Great Hall of Hogwarts and be sorted into one of the four noble houses of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin. I will call your name from a list and once you are sorted, you will take your seat among your fellow housemates.” Remus caught James snickering nudging Sirius with his elbow from the corner of his eye, then nodding his head towards Severus and Lily, who were stood towards the middle of the mass. “Your housemates will be your family during your time here. As a family you will be rewarded points for individual achievements, and as a family you will be revoked points and disciplined for any rule breaking.” Her eyes followed to James and Sirius who immediately ceased their giggling. “Respect your prefects as well as your head of house and Head Girl and Boy, all of whom you will meet during the festivities.” Her eyes travelled across all of their faces once more as she spoke, eventually landing on Remus’ and lingered. He felt his cheeks grow warm until she darted her eyes away. After her speech, her face shifted from a stern frown into a pretty smile. “We are ready for you now.”

 

The Great Hall was indeed great. The first years all walked through the middle aisle between four long tables where all of the returning students sat towards the front where they were met with a stool in front of another long table which housed all of the other professors. Professor Dumbledore sat in the middle of them all in the Headmaster’s seat, exactly as Remus remembered him. Professor McGonagall stopped them before reaching the stool and retrieved a bundle of cloth that was placed on a podium just behind it. The cloth unfurled itself into the shape of a hat onto the stool and lifted its brim as though it were stretching. The hat yawned through a seam and bellowed out a song that echoed through the Great Hall:

> _“I may come as quite the shock_  
>  _To all new students sitting,_  
>  _For I know I’m not an average hat,_  
>  _For an average Sunday fitting._
> 
> _You’re quite a mess, the lot of you_  
>  _And that simply will not do,_  
>  _So it’s my job to quarter out_  
>  _And quickly sort you through._
> 
> _There are no secrets from me here_  
>  _There is no use in hiding_  
>  _So keep your minds as clear as day_  
>  _As it helps in my deciding._
> 
> _You may think my song is silly_  
>  _Or my appearance quite amusing_  
>  _But all before and yet to come_  
>  _Are at the mercy of my choosing._
> 
> _I’ll sort you into Gryffindor,_  
>  _Where true courage finds its home,_  
>  _Or perhaps in Hufflepuff,_  
>  _So the strong won’t be alone._
> 
> _Of course there’s always Ravenclaw_  
>  _Where cleverness is king,_  
>  _Or last but not least Slytherin_  
>  _If glory is what you bring._
> 
> _Take pride in your new houses_  
>  _For my word is ever binding._  
>  _There’s no return from what I learn_  
>  _From all the thoughts worth finding_
> 
> _So take the stool! Be open books_  
>  _And stump me if you can,_  
>  _But bear in mind, I’ve sorted students_  
>  _Near since the school began.”_

The hall erupted into applause at the song until Professor McGonagall unfurled the list and cleared her throat, making the entire room go silent as she called through the list of names.

“Adrian, Dalton!”

A boy from the middle of the crowd made his way to the front and the professor instructed for him to take a seat on the stool, gently placing the hat on his head. The hat immediately sprung to life and made a sound as though in deep thought for a few seconds before shouting his house.

“SLYTHERIN!” shouted the hat, making the Great Hall burst into applause once more; particularly the table that Remus assumed was the rest of the Slytherins. Professor McGonagall removed the hat from Daltons’s head and he shuffled off to join his house. “Avery, Cassius!” Another boy sat, and there was a brief pause.

“SLYTHERIN!” The hat shouted again. More applause ensued as the Slytherin house gained another member.

“Black, Sirius!” She spoke abruptly. The Slytherin table’s muttering could be heard around the hall as Sirius took his seat on the stool to get ready for their cheers again. After she placed the hat on his head, there was a much longer area of silence before the hat spoke.

“Aha!” It said, lifting its brim again as though preparing to start another song. “I thought I knew where to put you, but with a mind like this… GRYFFINDOR!” Sirius looked up excitedly to the professor and smiled, even though the entire room had gone dead quiet. There was an awkward pause between the few moments it took between him being sorted and Professor McGonagall removing the hat from his head and she gesturing him to the table holding all of the Gryffindors, who were slowly building into a thunderous applause for their new housemate.

“Peter, didn’t Sirius say his family’s been in Slytherin for ages?” Remus asked, slightly nudging Peter’s arm next to him.

“Yeah… they are. And they don’t look too happy about him breaking their streak.” He replied. When Remus glanced over to the Slytherin Table, he noticed the look of the older students faces that he knew had to be members of his family. One of them locked eyes with Remus and he quickly turned his attention forward again, waiting for the professor to continue down her list.

“Evans, Lily!”

“Hm… right! GRYFFINDOR!” Lily smiled brightly and toddled over to the Gryffindor table to sit next to Sirius.

Fortescue, Alice!

“RRRAVENCLAW!” The hat embellished, earning a loud cheer from the Ravenclaws for their first sorted member.

“Gudgeon, Davey!”

“RAVENCLAW!”

“Longbottom, Francis!”

“HUFFLEPUFF!”

“Lupin, Remus!”

Her voice echoed in his ears as his legs moved their way to the front on their own. He caught the crystal eyes of Professor Dumbledore before turning around to take his seat, waiting for Professor McGonagall to place the hat on his head. The hat shifted on his head and Remus could almost feel it probing his mind.

“I hope you didn’t think this would be difficult for me.” Said a little voice in his ear. Remus shook his head and gripped the sides of his stool tighter, getting nervous that the sorting hat would tell the school he wouldn’t sort a werewolf. “GRYFFINDOR!” It shouted, interrupting his train of thought and knocking the wind back into his chest. Again, the Gryffindor table applauded and Remus took a step down from the stool to sit at his new house table, barely able to contain the smile on his face. He’d done it. He took his seat next to Lily and shook hands with some of the other housemates as they greeted and welcomed him to their house.

“I’d hoped you get sorted here.” Said Lily after the applause died down and the Professor called another name forward. Remus felt his cheeks get warm.

“Yeah, me t—“

“Nice one, Remus.” Sirius interrupted with a loud whisper, giving him thumbs up while the hat was thinking on its new student, shouting another one for Ravenclaw. The list trickled down one by one leaving a good mix to every house, Remus thought. He was mostly waiting for the list to reach Peter who he’d almost been as anxious to get sorted as he had himself. Eventually, he finally heard his name.

“Pettigrew, Peter!” She said, and Peter waddled up to the stage, no doubt still feeling quesy from his stomach. If the look on his face before Professor McGonagall placed the hat was anything to go by, Remus could tell Peter was just as much a bundle of nerves as he was. The hat shifted and stayed on Peter’s head for a few minutes, marking it the longest time it’d spent on one student so far. The other students murmured around them about something called a ‘hat-stall.’

“What do you think is taking it so long?” Sirius asked, earning a shrug from both Remus and Lily. The longer the wait, the more deafening the silence until the hat shouted out Gryffindor once more. Remus knew he’d clapped the loudest for him, as he was so relieved to have him be in the same house as him. He jumped up from the stool and headed towards their direction, passing by Remus and taking his seat on the far side of Sirius who gave him a similar welcome.

“Potter, James!”

“GRYFFINDOR!” James looked rather pleased with himself when he walked to the table to join the rest of them, mouthing an ‘I told you so’ to Remus before taking his seat on the other side of

Lily between her and Sirius.

“Snape, Severus!” Lily perked up when she heard his name, practically standing out of her seat to get a better view of her friend taking a seat. Remus leaned out from his seat too to get a better look when the house shouted “SLYHTERIN!” making Lily slump back down in disappointment as she watched Severus walk to the far side of the hall. James snickered along with Sirius once it was called, making Lily whip her head to give him what Remus assumed was a very nasty look by the way they immediately stopped giggling. Remus wanted to say something that would cheer her up once she turned back around, but it was hard to think of words of encouragement between names being shouted and the hat shouting right afterwards. Finally, the last name was called out for “Winsor, Thalia,” and the blonde girl he ran into on the train took her seat, being sorted almost immediately into Hufflepuff. After heading to her new table, professor McGonagall rolled up her scroll and removed the hat and stool to make way for the Headmaster who took his place behind the podium.

“Congratulations to all of the ones who have been sorted. To those who are returning, welcome back for another year.” His voice commanded silence, even though it was just as serene and gentle as though he were still talking to Remus in his living room. “I only need to make a few announcements and I promise I will leave us all to eat our fill. First and foremost, please give a warm welcome to Professor Zilar, who has humbly accepted to take over the Defense Against the Dark arts post here at Hogwarts.” More applause rang out as a man who was seated among the teachers stood to his feet and took a bow. Remus tried looking over the heads of students to get a better look, but only noticed some of the older girls at his table seemed especially enthusiastic to start his class. “Second, the Whomping Willow on the grounds has fully matured now, and I must ask any student who wishes to go near it to refrain unless they are keen to broken bones or bruises.” There was a collective ‘aww’ around the hall. “Tragic, yes. Fortunately those are all of my start of the term announcements. I leave you with words of wisdom before the feast begins. …” Professor Dumbledore snapped his fingers, and Remus felt his robes shift underneath him, changing from solid black to having a deep scarlet trim around the edge of his sleeves. The Hogwarts crest changed to the Gryffindor emblem, even his clothes underneath changed colour to reflect his new house. He looked around to see the other first years across the hall reacting to the same change. “That’s much better. Now, let the feast, begin!”

 

“Gryffindors, this way!” Said the prefect as Remus followed him along with his other newly sorted housemates. He led them through a tall room filled with staircases, giving them a warning about they’re keenness to shift.

“They wouldn’t shift while we’re on them though, right?” Peter asked from the back of the group.

“Always when you least expect it.” He replied. “Best to leave for class early if you want to get around in time. ‘Til you get used to it of course.” Remus gripped the railings tight on every flight of stairs they climbed just in case. The last thing he needed was to finally start classes and fall to his death on the first day. When they finally arrived to the seventh floor, they were met with a painting of a fat lady in Mediterranean garb. She prompted for the password and their prefect cleared his throat before clearly stating “Fovea Leonum,” triggering her to swing her portrait open revealing a circular hole big enough to climb through. He nodded his head for them all to enter first, and one by one they filed through.  
Once Remus made his way out of the tunnel, he emerged in a large circular room, all of it completely furnished in a scarlet theme. The tapestry stretched seamlessly along the walls and the to the ceiling just before the top tapered into a turret. The fireplace crackled cozily as a few students who had already returned from the feast early sat chatting.

“Best to head up to the dormitories now. Boys will be behind me here on the left, girls, on the far end over there to the right.” All your stuff has already been brought up, so best get to unpacking and laying out your uniforms for tomorrow.”

 

He climbed up the stairs with the rest of the boys in his year, reaching the first door marked with a large golden number one. Once they entered, all of their trunks had been placed in front of individual beds like the prefect said. Almost immediately the boys ran to their own beds and settled themselves. Remus had his things placed in-between Sirius and Peter, who along with James were both still talking about how incredible it was that Sirius broke his family’s streak. Remus found the conversation much more entertaining to listen to since clearly this had been a much bigger deal than he realised.

“Probably gonna get a howler for it.” Sirius said, shrugging like it was no big deal.

“No way.” Peter cried, looking genuinely concerned.

“Three sickles say you do.” Said James.

“Four sickles say I get two.” They both gasped when Sirius gave the final bet, which made Remus laugh. “What d’you think, Remus? I mean, Peter’s told us you’re not up to much speed with things just yet, but you think that earns something nasty don’t you?”

“Oh yeah.” Remus said while changing into his pajamas, making the other two focus their attention on him. “I’ll go with the one howler though. From the way you’re playing it up they may not think it’s worth the extra effort.” He honestly had no idea what a howler was or why it was bad but his answer made Sirius and James laugh, which also made Peter laugh. Once lights out came around, the first year boys all feel asleep relatively quickly. Considering their long journey and feast food settling down in their stomachs, it was no question their rest would be sufficient for the full day of classes ahead of them. Even with all of the excited thoughts rushing through his head, Remus drifted off into a tranquil sleep. With all of the great things happening so quickly, the full moon approaching in a few days time mattered as little to him as the old life he’d left behind.


	5. The First Run

 

Remus dreamt he was walking around a old homes in desperate search of his own room when Peter’s snoring woke him the next morning. He kicked his feet over the edge of his bed and noticed the folded pieces of parchment on his stand during his stretch. He grabbed the papers and moved the bed hair from his eyes, skimming the pages to realise they’d been his time-tables for classes, a map of the school, and a note, which he placed next to him. He looked at the timetables sheet first to see History of Magic listed first thing in the morning, even though it wasn’t going to be for another hour and a half. Remus snuck out of his covers as quietly as possible to get to his trunk for his robes. With success, he was amazed to find all of his clothes were still neatly folded in their place but were altered just as they were the night before to his house colours. He set his clothes on the bed and began dressing himself, setting the map and schedule aside so that he could get a better look at the note that came along with them as he buttoned up his shirt.

 

 

> _Dear Mr. Lupin,_
> 
> _Please meet us in the Gamekeeper Hagrid’s hut at 4 o’ clock this afternoon. We want to make sure all of the preparations are in place. The hut is just beyond the main doors to the castle. Just follow the path towards the Forbidden Forest. You will find it._
> 
> _Professor Dumbledore_

As soon as his eyes trailed to the end of the note, the pieces of paper flew from his hands and folded itself into a neat square, then flew into his trouser pocket on the floor in the blink of an eye.

“I didn’t hear an alarm go off.” Sirius yawned, startling him. Remus smiled at the sight of him not thinking Sirius’ hair could be any more of a mess than it had been the night before, but was amused to be proven wrong by his bedhead. “Are we late?” Remus shook his head and jumped into his trousers, being careful not to lose the note from their pockets.

“No, History of Magic doesn’t start until—"

“Late? Wh— did someone say we’re late?!” Peter interrupted, jumping out of bed faster than Remus thought possible for him to move. He fumbled and tripped over his sheets and the thud of him hitting the floor woke the other boys, who were now just as confused and now grumpy from being woken up with a start. Peter scrambled to his feet and slammed his trunk open to grab his robes, rambling on about how he’d just had a dream he was late for their first classes and knew it would happen.

“Peter,” said Remus, trying to get his attention.

“Have James and Sirius already left? I hope they saved seats for us.”

“No, but Peter—“

“Good, maybe if we show up together we won’t get in too much trouble.” He said, now desperately attempting to fix his tie before he noticed a freshly awoken James and Sirius in stiches laughing. Peter’s face turned almost as red as the undone tie around his neck. “…We’re not late, are we, Remus.” Remus shook his head then shrugged.

“At least you got us all up on time?”

 

The four of them walked down the tower and through the moving staircases heading to the classroom marked on the map in Peter’s hands.

“It will be… the first, no— second door on the left of the fourth floor corridor” He said holding the parchment to his nose as they waited for the set of stairs they were currently standing on to finish moving. Peter rotated the map in his hands as he struggled to read it. “At least I think that’s right…”

“Let me look.” Said Sirius, who snatched the map from Peter’s hands so quickly that the parchment flew from his grasp and over the railings. “…Oops.” He shrugged, making Peter whimper and bring his hands to the sides of his head, complaining that it took him forever to mark exactly where their classes were going to be all term.

“Hah! Nice job, butterfingers.” Said James laughing. “You lose our only way of getting around for the day and all you have to say is ‘Oops?’”

“It’s fine, we can just ask for directions until tomorrow.” Remus piped up.

“And risk looking even more like dumb little first years?” James said, now looking at him incredulously.

“Well we _are_ first years… and better dumb and on time than dumb and lost…” Remus muttered. Sirius nodded, glad that someone was pointing out a solution rather than focusing on his blunder in dropping their map.

“He’s got a point.” He said quickly, Peter nodding along with him. Sirius smiled at Remus in thanks as the stairs came to a halt. They scurried down to the fourth floor as quickly as possible to avoid having the stairs change on them again, heading through the second door on the fourth floor as Peter said.

 

They had arrived comfortably early to choose their own seats, which was the initial plan. Remus took his seat in front of James and Sirius next to Peter in the middle of the room when he saw Lily walk in with another Gryffindor girl in their year who’s name escaped him. She smiled and waved at him just before he hung his bag of textbooks on the edge of his seat, making him drop them on the floor with a loud crash when he attempted to wave back along with James, who must have thought she was greeting him instead.

Peter shuddered next to him, making a comment about how odd it was that the classroom was kept so chilly when Remus crouched down to pick up his bag. While reaching for the straps, he noticed what looked like an outline of shoe floating in midair connected to an outline of an ankle leading up to and outline of a leg. Remus jumped realising when his eyes trailed upwards that he was looking at the ghostlike figure of a very old man, who was looking down at him through his large ghostly glasses.

“Was that you making all of that racket, boy?” He said, giving Remus the chills when he spoke, now realising a ghost was addressing him. He nodded quickly and picked up his bag to hang it on the corner of his chair without making the same mistake twice. “That’s quite all right. It served as a sufficient alarm to alert me of the start of class.” Though he had feet he floated away gracefully to his desk, hovering in the same spot until the other students arrived. Remus had never seen a real ghost before, even though his father told him they roam the castle. He didn’t want to be rude and stare at his semi-transparency, knowing himself how uncomfortable it feels to be stared at.

Once the final batch of students took their seats, the ghost introduced himself as Professor Binns. He spoke in a very monotonous voice during his introduction, which address the way he passed on to the satisfaction of those who had the question in mind. He droned on about how he died in the Hogwarts staffroom in his sleep and continued on to teach ever since. Now that he’d pointed it out, Remus spotted Professor Binns desk had been riddled with cobwebs and dust, looking as though it had indeed remained untouched for decades.

After his introduction he continued right into the lecture. In any other circumstance the idea of learning about the Dawn of Magic would have intrigued him for hours, but Remus felt himself getting drowsy the longer he listened to Professor Binns lull of a voice. He tried taking notes and concentrating on the Peter’s steady snores to keep himself alert, only to find that when class had finally ended that he and a handful of other students were the only ones who managed to stay awake. While everyone began trickling out of the classroom, Remus spotted Lily gathering her things and approached her. He figured if anyone would have a map marked like Peter’s it would be her, and maybe if he asked politely enough she would let him see it long enough for him to know where their next classes were.

“Hey Remus.” She said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Pretty exciting lecture, wasn’t it?” He couldn’t tell if she was joking or not, but he nodded anyway. “This is Marlene McKinnon by the way. She’s in Gryffindor too.” The dark haired girl next to Lily stayed focused on her bag until her name was mentioned, making her quickly turn her freckled face to look at Remus.

“Oh, hello.” He said after waving awkwardly. Marlene smiled back at him and returned the gesture, her eyes lingering on his scars for a few seconds before he fixed his hair again over his face. “I er, well… Do you think it’s okay if I borrow your map? We lost ours and Peter marked all of the classes— James doesn’t want to get lost so…”

“Sure, I don’t mind.” She reached into her own bag and pulled out a neatly folded piece of parchment. “I don’t think Marlene minds sharing hers for today. Promise to give it back later?” He nodded and accepted, prompting the girls to leave on their way to their next class. Remus walked back to the others and finally made their way out the classroom together, making sure he kept the map in his possession as to ensure it didn’t find its way down the stairs or hinder him from keeping his promise to return it.

 

Potions had shown promise at first to be much more exciting than History of Magic, especially since their teacher Professor Slughorn was so passionate about his students. Their first lecture was less about the actual art of potion making and more about how he expected great and wonderful things from all of the students sitting in the class. The sentiment was encouraging but it made Remus feel tense, especially when Professor Slughorn’s eyes fixed on his for a few moments longer than others. The impression Remus felt in that instant wasn’t encouragement like he sensed with Professor McGonagall before the sorting, but of unease. It was as though there was an unspoken agreement between them that the Professor expected the most from him, especially since he knew that he was capable of the opposite. Perhaps it was the dungeon of a classroom that was making him feel so unsettled, or possibly the abundance of smells making his head funny and feel anxious when there was nothing to feel anxious about. He remembered what Professor Dumbledore told him when they first met about every teacher being on his side while he was at school and tried to keep the notion out of his head. It was only the first day after all; no one was expecting anything extraordinary right away.

Once he was finished up with his introduction, Professor Slughorn dove into the lecture. He started with how to identify different potions ingredients and the class took diligent notes on every word until the period was over and all were dismissed. Remus felt guilty for wanting to leave the room as quickly as possible, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of claustrophobia from being cooped up in that classroom. He waited outside until the others caught up, and walked with them all to the great hall for their lunch break. The room was still set up as it was for the feast with the four long tables filling the room and just like the night before, their empty plates filling with sandwiches and soups when they all sat down. Remus didn’t realise how hungry he was since they’d skipped breakfast wanting to make it to their first class earlier than usual. The others must have felt the same since there were no words spoken between sitting down and immediately scarfing down their sandwiches.

In the middle of their lunch feast, Remus spotted movement from the corner of his eye from the uppermost windows. He turned his head to get a better look when he saw owls flying in and swooping down to each of the tables, dropping packages or perching to deliver letters. The sudden thud on the table snapped his attention back again, noticing a shoebox size package in front of James. James tore at the paper excitedly, saying that he didn’t expect a care package from his parents for at least another week or so. Remus looked around the flock of birds still soaring around the hall to see if he’d be getting a package too. He didn’t mention it to either of his parents when he left as it never crossed his mind, and it was still only the first day of classes. He shrugged and brought gaze back down to his plate, only to be startled when he saw his father’s owl a foot away from his face. It hooted and held out its leg where a letter was tied, urging Remus to untie and collect it. Remus was happy to see the bird again, almost as much as he was that his parents took the time to write him a letter. While James, Sirius, and Peter were digging through the care package of goodies Mr. and Mrs. Potter sent, Remus opened the letter to the familiar handwriting of his mother.

 

> _Dear Remus,_
> 
> _I hope your first day has been going well. Your father just received Professor Dumbledore’s owl last night saying you were sorted into Gryffindor, and we both couldn’t be more proud. Of course you know I had to have a full explanation of all of the houses from him, but from what he’s told me it sounds like it suits you perfectly. He says he was in Ravenclaw during his time at school, which if that makes any sense at all to you, explains so much._
> 
> _Please write back soon! We want to hear all about your first classes and new friends you’ve been making. We’re still in London for another week so I’ll make sure to let you know about all of the fun we’re having here if you promise to do the same._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Mum_
> 
> _P.S. Your father says the owl’s name is Ezra_

 

Remus looked up from his letter to find Ezra picking at his sandwich. He held out a hand and stroked the bird before it ruffled its feathers and soared off from the table.

“What’s the letter say?” Peter asked, trying to look over Remus’ shoulder. He quickly folded the note and tucked it in his pocket, where he’d almost forgotten the Professor’s note was as well.

“Nothing. Just my mother—“

“Awh, does wittle Wemus miss his mummy.” James said, now opening a chocolate frog his own mother sent him. Remus felt himself turn red and shook his head quickly, which only made him and Sirius giggle more. “You’re easy to wind up.”

“I just don’t like being teased.” He said quietly while looking down and fidgeting with his hands.

“I only tease my friends.”

 

Transfiguration was their last class for the day, and Remus had never felt more intimidated in his life. Professor McGonagall gave a start of the term speech for her expectations like Professor Slughorn, but it was completely focused on conduct rather than expectation. She spoke with finality and stressed that she didn’t tolerate any foolishness in her classroom, especially since transfiguration was a very complicated form of magic. Not only was Professor McGonagall the Deputy Headmistress but she was also head of Gryffindor House, which meant that she was definitely a woman Remus wanted to stay on good terms with, as she was whom he answered to. She assigned them busy work for their first day, only letting them practice wand movements in preparation for their next class with her where they would start actually using magic. It would have been more exciting if she hadn’t assigned homework Remus thought, though he knew it would only make things easier once the hard work was out of the way.

 

The boys headed straight back to Gryffindor tower when class was over. From the dormitory, Remus listened to the others talk about how excited they were to use ‘real magic’ as he changed into his regular clothes to get ready for his meeting by the Gamekeeper’s hut with Professor McGonagall in an hour. He figured he’d get a head start and get there early since he wasn’t up to anything else other than homework.

“I’m ready for Defense Against the Dark Arts.” Sirius said. “I’ve heard the older students talk about some jinxes that I really want to try.”

“I think the idea is to not use them.” James said, twirling his wand in his fingers. Sirius scoffed and plopped himself backwards on his bed.

“I don’t care, I’m just ready for action. Peter agrees, don’t you?” Sirius asked.

“Of course I do.” Peter replied almost immediately. “But I-I think there’s plenty of time between now and then to try them out? For practice I mean.” The notion left them all silent for a few moments, save for Remus who was now slipping on his sneakers.

“What an interesting idea.” James responded with a singsong tilt in his voice, clear that trying them out on another student was a great way to prove himself. “Are you going somewhere?” He asked, stopping Remus in his tracks. He’d only just begun walking out the door when they turned his attention to him. They all waited for his answer and he knew he’d need to come up with something quickly.

“Yeah I was just… going to the library to start our homework.” He said. They seemed to buy it since as soon as he mentioned homework he heard Sirius shudder.

“Have fun with that.” James chuckled, making Peter chuckle along with him. “We can compare answers when you get back.”

 

Remus walked down the staircase into the common room where he ran into Lily crawling in through the portrait hole with Marlene.

“Hello again, Remus.” He stopped in his tracks when she greeted him. He smiled at her and immediately slung his knapsack from his shoulder to open it. He reached around for the folded piece of parchment she gave him before realising he’d left it in the pocket of his uniform trousers. He looked up regretfully at her. “Oh, the map.” She said before he could apologise for leaving it. “You can keep it. We’ll just make another… plus it sounds like you boys need it more anyway.” Remus turned red as they walked off snickering and didn’t know which he disliked more, the boys or girls giggling at him.

“Thanks. I should…” He pointed at the portrait hole hoping it would be enough of a gesture, and the girls stepped out of his way to let him crawl through.

Travelling down the castle when classes were over was much easier than when there were dozens of students filling the staircases at once, and walking outside to the hut was a lot easier than he’d anticipated considering the maze of stairs and doors he went through earlier just to find the right classrooms. He eventually reached his destination from recalling the instructions on the note with another half hour to spare. The wooden hut was smaller than he imagined. He thought that someone as big as Hagrid would be living in something that resembled something much more of a house than a small cabin. He hesitated before knocking three times like the note said, hoping that he wasn’t intruding since he’d shown up early. There was a faint rustling on the other side of the door followed by small footsteps of something else trampling around the cabin. When Hagrid opened the door, he immediately looked down at Remus and beamed.

“Is’ you then isn’ it?” He asked, his eyes almost completely disappearing in his smile and mess of thick black eyebrows.

“Er, yes. I’m Remus Lupin, sir.” Remus responded holding out his hand, not thinking of the possibility that Hagrid could very well crush it right away. Fortunately the man knew his own strength and gently shook his hand with his.

“I’m Hagrid But you already knew tha’. Come in, come in! I’ll make us a cup o’ tea.” Hagrid opened the door wider for Remus to enter. When he stepped in, he got a better look around at the homeliness of Hagrid’s house. Aside from the smell it reminded Remus a lot of home in Wales, only much simpler. Hagrid kept all of his pots and pans hanging over his fireplace instead of in cabinets, and it was obvious he had no need to television or electricity. Everything from the chairs to the bed in the far corner of the living room was enlarged to accommodate him, so much so that Remus wasn’t quite sure how something that seemed so small out the outside could fit it all. He also noticed the lack of magical objects in his home and the impression dawned on him that Hagrid was probably not a wizard. Hagrid crouched over to his kettle over the fireplace and poured Remus tea in a much smaller cup he must have kept in case for guests. “Professor Dumbledore’s told me you’d be payin’ a visit today… great man, Dumbledore. Cream or sugar?”

“Oh, yes please.” Remus replied as he dropped a lump and poured his cup for him. He took a sip after Hagrid presented him his cup. “Thank you… I’m sorry if I’m too early.”

“Not at all! I was hopin’ I’d get a chance teh meet yeh.” He replied. This caught Remus by surprise, but he was suddenly very aware of why he was asked to meet at the Gamekeeper’s house. “Vastly misunderstood creatures, werewolves. I think what yer doin’ is very brave if I do say so meself. It’s time everyone’s learned to not be scared of wha’ they don’ know, eh?” The sentiment made Remus smile warily.

“Thank you. I really hope so.” He couldn’t help but notice Hagrid refer to him as a creature, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Still, Hagrid meant no harm in what he said so Remus saw no point in getting upset with him about it. What bothered him more was the thought that people like Mr. Malfoy thought of him as just a creature as well. He decided to change the subject. “What sorts of things are in the Forbidden Forest?”

“All sorts. Yeh got yer centaurs, but they don’ like being messed with. There’s a couple o’ unicorns and those yeh don’t see to often either.” Remus could tell he’d started him on a tangent, but he was happy to listen while drinking his tea. “There’s a large colony o’ bowtruckles and quite a few trolls if yeh venture far enough.” He paused and took a sip from his own large teacup. “Every once in a while yeh run into a pack o’ werewolves—”

“Werewolves live in the forest?” Remus responded, cutting him off.

“Not werewolves like you, o’ course.” Hagrid said, still talking with an air of excitement. “The ones in the forest stay wolves. Beautiful beasts, they are. Sharp too. I tell yeh, I’ve met some grown wizards without as much common sense as them.” Hagrid winked. The idea that there were different kinds of werewolves piqued Remus’ interest, but before he could ask anymore about them there was a knock at the door.

 

Hagrid put down his tea and excused himself to answer. Behind Hagrid’s chair there was a very large boarhound dog staring at Remus from its seat on the armchair. Without breaking eye contact, Remus took another sip before waving at it. Almost immediately the boarhound hopped from its seat and walked over to Remus, placing its head on his lap. He smiled and scratched behind his ears, while the panted happily.

“It looks as though Fang has taken a shine to you, Remus.” Professor Dumbledore said. Remus turned and quickly stood to his feet to see him and a woman standing on either side of Hagrid. He’d seen her the night before sitting at the teacher’s table during the feast. Her robes were different than the other professors, as she wore something more of like and actual dress or apron along with a long sort of bonnet on her head. “I always think an animal’s instincts are to be trusted, wouldn’t you agree, Poppy?”

“Indeed.” She replied. Remus felt his face flush at the compliment while Fang nudged his arm with his nose in an attempt to be pet again. Hagrid walked to the back door and unlocked it, letting them all know he was going to tend to his garden and make sure the coast was clear.

“Forgive me, I thought it was only fitting that our Matron of Hogwarts, Madam Pomfrey be your escort.” Madam Pomfrey smiled and removed her hat, revealing her waves of light brown hair reaching to her shoulders. “Hagrid has also graciously offered his home as a meeting room every month and Madam Pomfrey her excellent services and facilities which will without a doubt make our future endeavors much easier. I trust both with my life, and I can assure you that you are in excellent hands.” His eyes twinkled when he spoke. Remus believed him when he said Hagrid and Madam Pomfrey would be the best in looking after him, but he felt disappointed knowing Professor Dumbledore would not be joining them. Of course he understood why, as the Headmaster at Hogwarts had far more important things to be worrying about.

 

Madam Pomfrey walked with Remus for what felt like miles until they arrived at large gnarled tree whose branches were long and thick enough to be trunks of their own. It wasn’t until Remus moved his hair from his eyes that he noticed the tree moved by its own accord and not just with the wind. When they approached, the movements became much more insistent until Madam Pomfrey pulled out her wand and pointed it at the tree, casting a spell that immobilized it’s arms. The tree quelled its branches and swayed them through the air as if suspended underwater, and she pocketed her wand looking rather pleased. She walked towards the base of the trunk with Remus following close behind and as they got closer, Remus noticed there was an opening near the trunk large enough for two people at a time to fit.

“This is the Whomping Willow, Mr. Lupin. She is aggressive to anyone who will approach so we must always be careful, but...” She reached out a touched a rounded bulge of root near the opening of the hole and the tree branches went from fluid swaying to a complete halt. “Prod the knot and the branches freeze. Just that one, there. You will need to be quick. I only used the spell because the willow senses me before it will sense you. It won’t last forever, but it will be sufficient enough time to climb through that.” She pointed towards the roots but Remus was still preoccupied with the tree, looking up at the frozen branches and shuddered at the thought of what might happen should the tree take a swing at him before he managed to hit any sort of freezing knot. He shook his head and refocused his attention from the tree to the hole at its base.

“What’s through the entrance, Madam?” He asked, kicking a rock into the darkness to listen to how far it went down. She lifted her wand again, this time a bright bulb of light shone from the tip as she headed him down the hole.

“A passage to your safe house.” She replied, being the first to climb down.

 

The walk to the willow was nothing compared to the walk through the underground tunnel at its base. The pair walked for what Remus felt like forever, only now there wasn’t any indication of an end. During their walk the Professor didn’t speak much. Remus was thankful for this since it saved both of them from an incredibly awkward conversation to be trapped into. Every now and again she’d indicate they’d be arriving any moment until eventually they reached steps leading to a trapdoor streaming more light into the passage. Madam Pomfrey waved her wand and a lock clicked, making the door swing open. Dust settled into the cavern, and the first thing Remus thought of was how much of a fit his mother would throw if she knew he was walking into somewhere so dusty.

“This is the safe house.” She said as she closed the trapdoor behind them. She flicked her wand again and the candles across the room lit to life, giving it an orange radiance. The house was old and abandoned. The fireplace looked as though it hadn’t been touched for decades, and the broken furniture and old curtains were riddled with dust. The setting sunrays peeked through the boarded windows, highlighting the dust in the air and making the room look even more eerie. “It may not look like much, but the Headmaster, professors, and myself have spent the summer covering it with enchantments. It’s perfectly safe and completely capable of containing… everything.” Madam Pomfrey said as she put her wand away. Remus nodded and walked towards a wall that had bits of plaster missing, looking through the hole to see another room, larger than the one he’d been standing in.

“What’s in there?” He asked. “Is that where I’ll…?”

“If you’d like. No room is off limits to you. We wanted to make sure you had enough space for your transformations.” He followed the wall until he reached the door and opened it to the room beyond the wall to find an even more dilapidated bedroom. The windows were still boarded in this room, but allowed for much more light to enter through so that the twilight and candlelight mixed to give it a warm glow. The floorboards creaked with every footstep he took and even though Madam Pomfrey assured him that it would hold up for his transformations, he wasn’t entirely convinced. If he was completely honest, he would guess the whole house would collapse at any moment with just the two of them standing there. Regardless, he knew better than to question it, as he didn’t have much choice especially with the full moon only being a few days away.

 

With his head swimming and legs tired from the first official run of where he’d be going for his transformation, Remus found it difficult to relax. He spoke the password to the Fat Lady and moseyed into a mostly empty common room save for the few of his housemates settled into the sofas. He turned his attention to the clock and discovered he’d been out for much longer than he expected. He sat down in one of the empty armchairs by the fireplace and opened his knapsack to take out his books to start his homework and reading, but found it hard to concentrate. In between sentences on the pages he found himself wandering back to the Whomping Willow, the secret passage, and what Hagrid said about the other wolves in the Forbidden Forest. When he read the same line five times over, Remus sighed and moved his hair from his face to refocus his attention back to his reading. Even though he wanted more than anything to tell, he knew if he was going to be keeping secrets from the others, they would have been convincing, and only full nights worth of homework was going to do that. He comforted himself in knowing that at least while he was keeping secrets, he could brush up on his Transfiguration.

 


	6. Knockbacks and Nightmares

Monday approached too quickly. Remus woke up in his own bed in Gryffindor tower without the help of his alarm or Peter’s snoring, but instead by the all too familiar ache subtly resting in his bones. He sat up straight and slowly rubbed his eyes, which he could feel were also starting to twinge. He got up and quietly took his clothes out of the dormitory and into their bathroom, still making a point to shut the door behind him despite being the only one awake. He stared at himself in the mirror while his hair was still out of his eyes, which he could now see were sunken with dark circles, looking as though he hadn’t had sleep for days. After averting his focus off of his eyes, he cupped his face in his hands, taking note that his skin had taken a pallid turn and looked clammier than ever

He’d recognized the signs for what was to come later in the day and sighed as he dressed himself. He was never thankful for the dull pain and miserable feeling before the full moon, but at least this time it was distracting him from thinking pessimistically. He and Madam Pomfrey had been rehearsing their trip every night since the first day of classes since the day came so soon after the term began. She even left him clothes the night before to change into at Hagrid’s to save him from ruining his new robes. The door creaked open, making Remus jump as James stepped in with his toothbrush and half-sleep eyes.

“Do you always wake up earlier than everyone else?” James yawned while walking over to another sink and mirror. Remus bit his tongue and shrugged. He was already stressed out and feeling edgy as it was and he wasn’t particularly feeling up for any bantering with James.

"No.” He said calmly. James only shrugged back, whispering “whatever” as he began brushing his teeth. Remus fixed his hair over his face again, making sure to cover as much over his eyes as possible before turning to leave.

“’Ey wayamingit” Said James before Remus walked through the door. “Arn’ you gunna wade ub pourus?”

“…What?” Remus replied. James spat out his toothpaste and rinsed before repeating himself. The smell of mint was so pungent in the bathroom, it made Remus crinkle his nose.

“I said, aren’t you going to wait up for us?” He was squinting at him now and Remus made the connection that he didn’t get a good look at him yet as he wasn’t wearing his glasses.

“Oh… yeah I’ll just be down in the common room whenever you guys are ready.” Remus replied. James was pleased with his answer and gave thumbs up as he gargled water to rinse. Remus grabbed his knapsack from his bed and headed down the stairs to wait. He had every intention of denying his request to wait since he didn’t want to sit still any longer than he needed to, but then he thought about how leaving them so suddenly might raise questions. Seeing as he was going to be leaving classes early for the day as it was, he ultimately decided that staying behind may be in his best interests.

 

Remus reached out and smoothed the map on the table again trying pinpoint where Defense Against the Dark Arts would take place, waiting for James, Sirius, and Peter as the other Gryffindors began to file out for the day. With all of the footsteps echoing so loud in his ears it was hard to concentrate on which one of the marks was what he was looking for.

“It’s the one on the third floor.” Said Lily, being alone this time as well as the first one to acknowledge him sitting down. She reached over his shoulder and pointed to a mark on the map. “Just there.”

“Thank you.” Remus said, not taking his eyes off the table. Lily tilted her head and the rush of her vanilla scent hit him like a train as her hair fell over her shoulder.

“Are you alright, Remus?” she asked, now leaning her head to get a better look at him, who hadn’t realised how odd he must have looked freezing in place when she flipped her hair. “You don’t look so g—“

“Oh, no I’m fine.” He lied. He hated starting out his friendships with dishonesty, but he had to keep reminding himself it was for the best. “I’ve just been up all night eating too many sweets I think. Big mistake.” She rolled her eyes and giggled, seemingly buying into his fib.

“Well feel better before class! We have it with the Slytherins you know and I want to prove to Sev that us Gryffindors aren’t just brawny. I’ll see you…?” Remus nodded and waved goodbye as she left. He memorized the location of the classroom to save himself from needing to concentrate too much during their trip, and put the map back in his bag until the others emerged from the boy’s staircase to meet up with him and head to class.

 

Remus stayed behind the group on the way, giving directions as he remembered from the parchment to their first lesson with Professor Zilar. Much to his relief, James and Sirius were so excited talking about the class and Peter so focused on not falling down the stairs; none of them noticed anything strange about Remus. They walked into the classroom just in time and found that the room was devoid of desks and lined with what looked like large sofa cushions and students all separated on either side of the room by house, all chattering about the lesson. Class hadn’t started yet, so it was obvious that the segregation wasn’t something instructed. All of the whispers and talk were so clearly discernable from both groups; it made it impossible for Remus not to listen.

“I heard he used to be an Auror.”

“All of the older girls fancy him.”

“Is it true he killed a guy once?” Remus shook his head and decided to focus on something else by looking down. In the middle of the two groups, the floor was decorated with runes engraved in the wood in perfect geometric shapes all leading up to the staircase where the sound of the door opening made everyone silent. Professor Zilar emerged wearing midnight robes. When he reached the foot of the stairs he smiled and bowed his head

“Good morning students. As you all know, I’m Professor Zilar.” He said. He took off his cloak, folding it and setting it atop his desk and slicked the side of his jet-black hair. He wore a black on white waistcoat with shining silver buttons that glittered in the morning sun spilling through the high window. He took out his wand and twirled it in his hands while strolling down the separation of students. “This is your first dive into the most practical use of magic… protecting yourself. Charms and Transfiguration spells are useful, but it’s knowing when to use them that make it count.” His eyes scanned every student, but unlike the other professors who usually stop on Remus once they make the connection of who he is, Professor Zilar completely skipped over him as if he weren’t even there. “Todays lesson we will practice the most basic of defensive spells, the Knockback Jinx. Flipendo!” He shouted as he pointed his wand and hit the center of the chalkboard, making it flip over on the hinges. Remus smiled slightly when he heard the incantation, recognizing it as one of the spells his father taught him the summer before last. The chatter built up again as everyone became more excited to practice. Aside from minor wand waving in potions class, this would mark the first lesson any of them had at Hogwarts where they were allowed to use actual spells. Professor Zilar turned on his heels and clapped his hands together when he spoke again. “I’m glad we’ve already decided to split ourselves up. Everyone line up. Whoever you are facing will be your partner in the exercise.”

 

The class shuffled around until there were two parallel lines instead of groups while the professor taught the incantation and wand movements for them to practice. After they all settled down and were aligned with their partners, Remus found himself face to face with Sterling Avery. Sterling had his arms folded with his wand in one hand, not really paying attention to neither Remus nor the professor. He had straight jet-black hair like professor Zilar’s, but laid neatly on itself rather than being slicked with gel. When the professor gave the students permission to draw their wands, Avery’s bold blue eyes settled on Remus’ giving him a crooked smile. Remus took out his wand and awkwardly and confusedly smiled back until before he knew it, Sterling’s jinx hit him square in the chest, making him stumble a few feet back into the cushions. The soreness in his body had doubled after being hit, making him fall backwards into the cushions for a few moments after losing his footing.

When Remus finally mustered up the strength to sit back up, he took a breath to heave himself to upwards. From where he was sitting he could see Avery laughing with his housemates on either side of him and the other students all staring at Remus, some giggling along at the fact he’d tripped over himself.

“Thank you for that premature demonstration Mr. Avery, but I believe I said to wait for my word to use the spell. I’m afraid I’ll need to deduct five points from Slytherin for failing to follow instructions.” Professor Zilar said, making Avery’s face fall from a crooked smile to a perfectly symmetrical frown. “Would anyone else like a recap?” The whole class turned their attention forward again and murmured collectively. “No? Good.” Sirius walked over after a few moments and held out his hand to help Remus up, who was still sore and sitting in the cushions.

“You’re not going to let him get away with that are you?” Sirius whispered. He nodded his head over to Sterling and nudged Remus. “Don’t let those Slytherin gits get the best of you.”

“Right.” Remus replied as Sirius walked back into place next to him. He stood back in his place in front of Avery and drew his wand, holding it in a white-knuckled grip while waiting for the professor to give the go ahead to cast. The moment the words left the professors lips to go, Remus gave his wand a sharp flick directly at Avery. “Flipendo!” He shouted amongst the group of Gryffindors, hitting his target so hard in the chest his feet swung from underneath him as he was hurled into the cushions behind him. Before Remus could even appreciate his victory, a sharp pain shot through his body and made his knees feel weak and his head throb. He didn’t collapse, but he could tell he wasn’t far from it. He was very thankful that this time his classmates were distracted with each other to pay him any mind. Sterling stood up furiously and pointed his wand again to fire another jinx before the professor stepped between them.

“I think that’s quite enough practice for the both of you.” He said, prompting Sterling to lower his wand as he turned towards Remus. “Mr. Lupin, won’t you allow me to accompany you to the hospital wing? You don’t look well and I think you agree with me when I say we don’t want to pass anything along to the other students.” Professor Zilar said, twisting his tone that it sounded more like a question when it was obvious it wasn’t his intention. Remus nodded and the professor put his hand on his shoulder to escort him out. “I will return in five minutes. Practice only what we’ve discussed.” He said, now addressing the class. “If I come back and I have the slightest hint of anything else going on, and believe me I shall know, I will ask invite the poltergeist for his brand of punishment.” This seemed to get the point across as many of the students shuddered.

 

“Knockback jinxes.” Said Madam Pomfrey irritably as she checked Remus forehead with the back of her hand. She looked around before continuing. “Knowing what he knows, he chooses _that_ as his first lesson?” Remus shrugged as she lifted his arm, wincing at the dull pain. “Sorry, dear.”

“Why am I so sore?” He asked, genuinely curious. He had pains on the full moon during the day every month before he came to Hogwarts, but this time was like someone had hit him with a shovel and it wasn’t even noon. She looked around again to make sure the room was empty and flicked her wand to shut the double doors, not speaking until she was absolutely sure they were alone.

“Your magic is what is keeping you as you are now.” She said in a low voice, now checking his other arm for what Remus now understood were any changes. The dull pain pulsed through him again making him cringe. “Sorry. Using it or it being used on you is causing your body great strain to keep you from... well, _shifting_.” He’d not given it any thought before, but it was clear to him now why his first classes were more focused on theory than practice. What he didn’t understand was why his Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher decided against it if he was well aware like madam Pomfrey said. After she was done checking him, led Remus to a bed on the far side of the wing passed any windows and had him sit down. “I’m going to send an owl to Hagrid… I’m afraid we will need to have an early start this time around. I’ll only be a few minutes.” She grabbed a small green bottle and handed it to him. “Drink this. For the pain.”

When she left, Remus grabbed the bottle and uncorked it, releasing a strong musty metallic smell. He wrinkled his nose and held his breath as brought the bottle to his lips, instantly feeling the warm liquid rush through his insides, almost instantly making the dull pain all over his body much more bearable. He sighed in relief and placed the bottle back on the stand when he caught his reflection again in the small mirror behind it. The dark circles underneath his eyes were worse than before and his lips were now incredibly chapped. His hair was still in its usual mop covering most of his forehead, but now looking at his scars he could see they were the only part of his face that retained any colour, which made them stand out even more. What caught his attention the most were his eyes, which weren’t the same pale green eyes, but something much darker like leaves of a forest. He moved his hair out of his face to get a better look when Madam Pomfrey opened the doors again and walked towards him, triggering him to place the mirror back on the stand. She gestured for him to go with her and Remus obediently stood to his feet to follow, doing his best to avoid his reflections throughout the castle on their way to Hagrid’s house.

 

“Leaving early is actually a good thing.” Said Madam Pomfrey as she knocked thrice on Hagrid’s door. “It will make our journey much easier with the other students in classes… still, we can’t be too careful.” Hagrid opened the door and welcomed them in again, making sure to close the door just as quickly behind them. Fang jumped from his seat in the armchair and tottered up to Remus again, placing his face underneath his hand to be pet. Remus smiled and indulged, scratching behind Fangs ears while Madam Pomfrey rustled around a chest in the corner of the living room for a bundle of cloth.

“All clear now if yeh two are ready teh go, Poppy.” Said Hagrid as he emerged from the backdoor. She nodded and beckoned Remus to follow, making Fang whine. Before following her out the door, Remus turned to Hagrid and smiled, making the giant man beam back down to him. “Stay safe, an’ be careful now.”

 

Just as they practiced since he’d arrived, Remus carefully approached the Whomping Willow to prod the freezing knot. Fortunately the effects of the potion he took in the hospital wing were still working as was able to move quickly enough that the branches didn’t take a violent turn towards him. Madam Pomfrey walked quickly to meet him at the base of the tree and headed first down the hole. She lit the tip of her wand and the pair headed through the tunnel again. Remus felt the anticipation building up inside of him at what was to follow. Rehearsing the walk to the safe house and actually executing the plan felt like completely different worlds now that the moment of truth had arrived.

Suddenly the notion of a flimsy old house keeping him contained was such a farfetched idea. He wished his father were there like he always was. At least with the basements or cellars he took Remus to on full moon days, they didn’t have walls that could so easily be broken down. His father would have taken the extra steps to make sure he was guarding the door himself and was there to get Remus in the morning once the transformation passed. Even though he had a whole house at his disposal now, Remus would have traded anything for the room again as long as it was his dad protecting him as he always did. The ache in his bones was starting to return back as he thought about how much he missed him.

He attempted to focus his mind on something else to keep himself from getting upset, but he scenario of the safe house collapsing and him escaping kept playing and replaying in his mind. Eventually he could feel the effects of the potion start to wear and the aches slowly but surely return, only now he had the added ache of yearning for his dad.

“You’re worried.” Said madam Pomfrey, startling him and breaking his train of thought. He shook his head first then shrugged after a few seconds, trailing his gaze downwards to avert his eyes to the dark instead of the bright tip of her wand to ease his impending headache.

“I keep thinking about if something bad happens.” Remus said. “What happens then?” He thought of her and Hagrid, both sacrificing their time and energy the passed few days to make sure he was comfortable with the journey and couldn’t help but feel guilty that their efforts could be in vain. The thought alone both saddened and frustrated him.

“Like what, Mr. Lupin?” She asked, now turning her head to look as him as they walked.

“I don’t know. _Something_.” He mumbled, his tone reminding him of James while at the same time trying not to sound too irritated that she couldn’t think of at least one thing that could possibly go wrong while the list was growing in his head.

“I see.” She responded while pursing her lips. “I have full faith in the headmaster’s plan and our enchantments. I know you’re in for a rough night, but come tomorrow, I know you’ll agree.”

He let her have the last word, mostly because he didn’t want to cause an argument with someone who was risking so much helping him and partly because his headache was making it hard for him to think of something to say.

Eventually they arrived at the trapdoor leading to the safe house, and Madam Pomfrey flicked her wand to make it swing open. Remus cringed at the hinges creaking and climbed through first.

From what he could tell from how brightly the sun shone through the boarded windows, it was still before noon. She climbed through shortly after him and handed him the bundle of cloth.

“A change of clothes. It’s much more easily torn as I’m sure that part can be quite painful.” She said as he took and unfolded the cloth, revealing a white t-shirt and shorts. He looked up and thanked her, feeling guilty for being short with her earlier. She smiled and had him sit in one of the old chairs once more time before checking him as she did in the hospital wing, only now the pain had gotten worse. “I’m sorry to say dear but it would seem your body wants to start early this time.” She said looking at him apologetically and doing her best to hide the shudder of her voice. “I would say another hour at the most.”

Remus knew she was right by how he was feeling. Though if the pain he was feeling was anything to go by, he wouldn’t have given himself another five minutes before thinking he was going to pass out. He stood and trudged over to the next room to change into the spare clothes she gave him, handing her his wand and robes when he was finished. She smiled and took the bundle from his hands and touched his shoulder before disappearing through the trapdoor, leaving him alone in the safe house.

 

*   *   *

 

         Remus was walking through the familiar house again in the middle of the night when he stopped himself after making one of the floorboards creak. Silence was his second most important goal next to finding what he was in desperate search for. He stepped into a living room littered with toys and clothes. He treaded carefully over most of the mess until he reached the sofa where another pile of clothes lay and reached out to grab a small grey bundle of clothes. After staring at it for few seconds, he brought the shirt to his face and inhaled. The smell became so strong in his nostrils; it created a network trail leading through the rest of the house, making him aware of all rooms and crevices by the potency of the smell.

After tossing the shirt back onto the pile, he stepped out of the living room and looked around the corners of the hallway, where caught the trace of something savory and delicious in the air and decided to follow his nose. The scent had been something he’d been in a desperate search for though he did not know why. All that mattered to him as he placed each of his quiet footsteps was that he find it.

He knew he’d be reaching whatever he was looking for soon since the farther he walked, the stronger the smell became. Remus turned the handle of a doorknob as quietly as he could, cracking the door to a room that had a strong track of what he was following. Upon opening the door, it took everything he had to not slam it back shut. Whatever was in this particular room was making him almost spill over with anger enough to want to break his stealth mission to destroy it. Instead Remus closed the door, his hand still grasping the door handle in a white-knuckled grip until it was shut. When he released it, he could see the metal had taken the slight shape of the inside of his fist. Part of him wanted to know what was in the room that was making him feel such intense animosity, but the other more prominent part of him continued on with his mission.

Eventually after taking painfully slow steps to what he knew was the correct door now, he reached for the doorknob and cracked the door open again. The rush of relief and anticipation washed over him when he realised how close he was to his goal. He opened the door wider and the original trail he’d been following all led up to whatever was resting in the bed. The floor of this room had been similar to the living room being littered with toys. Remus didn’t want his frustration to get the best of him as he carefully stepped over each of them since he was so close now.

Before walking towards the source of the scent, he drew his wand and pointed it towards the window, which quietly lifted open allowing a breeze to settle in. Now that everything was set as he needed, Remus finally approached the bed and reached over to pull the covers back, revealing a small child fast asleep, dripping with the scent he’d picked up in the living room. Remus’ body had been making actions of its own. He knew better than to stir anyone who was asleep, but for some reason he still nudged the little boy awake and felt himself smile as the boy rubbed his eyes.

 

After wiping away the sleep, Remus looked up to see a dark figure standing over him in his bed. His eyes hadn’t adjusted to the little moonlight filtering into the room just yet, but he already knew who it was.

“Daddy?” He said in a small voice and yawn. “I’m still sleepy. Isn’t it bedtime?”

“Yes.” His father replied in a very raspy and strained voice. “I need you awake.” Remus thought maybe he’d been as tired as he was.

“Why? Are we going somewhere?” He asked while yawning again and still rubbing his eyes. A few seconds of silence passed, making Remus repeat himself before finally giving his eyes a chance to adjust. His father didn’t respond with words, but with a terrible crunching noise followed by his grunts from where he stood after taking a step away from the bed. As the crunching got worse, Remus clutched his blankets tightly before piping up again. “Wh-What’s that noise? I’m scared.” He squinted his eyes to get a better look at the dark outline of his dad who was now hunched over and breathing heavily. The breaths turned shallow and ragged and he could see now that the shape he thought to be his father was now taking the shape of a monstrous wolf. Remus let out a terrible yell from his bed before the werewolf lunged for his head with his teeth.

 

Remus bolted upright in a cold sweat from his bed in the hospital wing, realising it was only a nightmare. He as completely surrounded by white curtains and by the sharp and immediate pain he felt everywhere upon sitting up now recognizing it had been the next day after the full moon had passed. He inspected himself in all of his most tender areas to see that any wounds had already been dressed. He rubbed his still damp forehead as his head pounded, thinking of his dream. He had plenty of nightmares before about what happened to him but none as someone else, and none ever as vivid. Remus felt like he could still smell the traces of his old house in his nostrils.

“I know it may not be much consolation, but you were successful.” Said Professor Dumbeldore in a soft voice from the other side of the curtain, breaking Remus’ train of thought. He moved one of the curtains to enter the enclosed space and settled himself into the chair next to Remus’ bed as he poured some of the contents of a box of sugar coated lemon wedges into his hand. “There was no external damage to the safe house, and almost everyone remained unharmed.” Remus felt the worst lump in his throat.

         “…Almost, sir?” he replied trying not to panic. His throat was sore as it normally was after his transformations, causing his voice to be much harsher than normal. The thing he’d been worried most about was causing harm to others. He thought about Madam Pomfrey first as she was the last person he saw before he transformed, and hoped of all people he didn’t hurt her. He wanted to stand up to check, but he felt as though all of his bones were still bruised.

         “Ah, yes. Alas here you are sitting in what must be terrible pain.” He replied, offering to him the box of wedges. “Care for a lemon wedge”

“Oh, no thank you.” Said Remus who was now much more relieved, but in no mood for sweets. He bit his lip before speaking up again. “Sir, where’s—“

“Madam Pomfrey?” He interrupted, while chewing on one of the lemon wedges. “She’s getting you more potions for your wounds. She’ll be most delighted to see you’ve woken up. I expect she’ll have you in tip top shape in no time for you to finish catching up on missed classwork.”

“What about the safe house?”

“It is still standing and still in perfect condition for further use.” Remus found it hard to believe that that old shack was still in perfect condition while he sat in bed at the hospital wing still recovering. “Speaking of resilience, your friend Mr. Pettigrew did drop by to ask how you were feeling and deliver your school work.” He nodded his head towards the stand where a few of Remus’ textbooks lied.

“Peter was here?” Remus asked, unable to fight a small smile. He was touched Peter cared enough to go out of his way to check up on him.

“Indeed.” Dumbledore replied, popping the last of the lemon wedges inside of his mouth “We had this all in place for you last night of course, so he remains unaware. I’m sure he as well as your parents will be pleased to hear you are awake and well.” Madam Pomfrey shifted the curtain aside and emerged through with a new bundle of clothes in hand with a brown bottle of liquid on top, jumping the second she noticed Remus sitting upright.

“You’re awake!” She said elatedly. “This is very, very good- oh, hello Headmaster.”

“Hello Madam. Now that you’re here, I think it’s a good time for me to take my leave. I must inform Mr. Lupin’s parents that everything has gone better than expected. Good day to you both.” Dumbledore nodded his head to both of them and left beyond the curtain leaving Remus and Madam Pomfrey alone together.

“I’ve got your change of robes and your medicine.” She said, placing the brown bottle on top of his books. “It’s Essence of Dittany We’ll just apply it to the fresher wounds, you drink the rest, and you’ll feel good as new.”

 

“There he is.” James said tossing a crumpled up piece of parchment at Remus as he entered through the portrait hole into the common room. “You look a hundred times better.”

“Yeah,” Sirius chimed in. “Yesterday you looked so sick I thought you were going to puke at any second.”

“Thanks.” Remus replied smiling while crouching down to pick up the parchment. He walked over to the table where the others sat and joined them.

“You got your books then?” Peter asked while eating a cupcake that Remus assumed he snagged from the Great Hall after classes were over.

“I did, thanks. Madam Pomfrey let me know you dropped by.” Remus didn’t think it was necessary to let them know the headmaster had been making personal visits. After all, what was another white lie?

“Yeah well I didn’t want you falling behind because of a stomachache. I should know—”

“Yeah, he should.” James said while giggling. “I dunno which was worse, you yesterday or Peter at the sorting.” Sirius laughed along with him and Peter chuckled reluctantly in agreement. “Anyway, it’s good you’re feeling better. Feels off balance when you’re not around. We were just headed up though.”

“Let’s go, we’ve got to tell you about the howler we heard this morning, which was _not_ mine by the way.” Said Sirius with a hint of disappointment. “Maybe next week. My cousins will tell on me sooner or later.”

“Oh, that’s okay.” Remus replied as he set the books Peter brought for him on the tabletop. “I need to catch up on all of this missed work. I’ll see you guys though… I do want to hear about everything I’ve missed.”

“Suit yourself, mate.” James said while smiling at him as he stood up to leave, closely followed by Peter and Sirius who all disappeared up the boy’s staircase to the dormitories.

 

He focused his attention back to the task at hand, combing through Peter’s notes of classwork. His handwriting wasn’t the easiest to read, making Remus remember back to their conversation on the train about how his poor penmanship was probably due to his lack of prior schooling before Hogwarts. He could only just make out which chapters to read over for Herbology when a soft voice addressed him.

“Hey Remus.” Lily said. She had her red hair pulled back into a ponytail and was already changed out of her robes for the day with her own schoolbooks in hand. “It’s good to see you’re feeling much better.” Marlene didn’t accompany her this time, which was much more of a relief than Remus cared to admit.

“Yeah, turns out I wasn’t feeling too good at all.” He replied. She hummed and felt his forehead with the back of her hand, pushing his hair slightly out of the way in the process.

“Yeah, I thought you looked kind of peaky. That’s something my mum always used to say whenever I got sick.” She giggled and sat down next to him, placing her own books on the table next to his while he awkwardly ruffled his hair back into it’s usual place. “I haven’t started on tonight’s homework if you wanted to do it together? I know you missed everything, but I’m happy to go over the classwork too with you to catch up.”

“That would be great!” He answered almost too quickly, making his ears turn slightly pink as he tried to recover. “But you really don’t have to, I can do the reading. It’s er… chapter seven I think, right?” He asked, looking at her hopefully. Lily rolled her eyes and smiled, leaning over to get a better look at the same scratch sheet of parchment.

“Don’t be silly, I don’t mind at all… Also, I think that’s supposed to be a two.”

 


	7. Daring Nerve and Chivalry

There wasn’t much worse luck than arriving late to class the morning after an absence, but sure enough Remus found himself racing through the castle and outside to the greenhouses. The last thing he remembered from the night before was Lily finally catching him up on classwork and heading to bed after he told her he could do the reading on his own, then waking up to a wad of parchment hitting him in the face with Sirius shouting ‘rise and shine’ at the top of his lungs. The most heads up he got was that class was starting in twenty minutes, which even with magic was impossible to work with. He didn’t have enough time to brush his teeth or hair and only barely had enough to get his uniform in the right order before rushing out the common room grabbing all of his books and notes.

He was breathless from running what felt like miles, but he still made it a point to fix his windswept hair over his face before opening the door to hear Professor Sprout already in the middle of her lesson. Remus assumed she would be frustrated with him arriving late, however was surprised to see a satisfied smile on her face as she gestured him to join the rest of the class.

“Good of you to join us Mr. Lupin. I’m sure there’s an excellent reason for your tardiness.” Said Professor Sprout, cutting her lecture mid-sentence and turning everyone’s attention to him.        

“I overslept, ma’am.” Remus replied, making the rest of the class giggle at him.

“Yes well, better late than never since we needed an even number for partner work today. Though I’ll need to deduct five points from Gryffindor for you being late.” The Gryffindors collectively groaned at the news. She waved her hand for him to take his seat in the middle of the room in the only empty desk next to Thalia Winsor, whom he recognized from giving him the wet floor warning on the train. Her blonde hair was still in the two very neat and low pigtails as they were before and her eyes never met his, instead they were flicking between the professor, the potted plant atop their desk, and to her fidgety hands.

        

The assignment, from what he understood in between listening to professor Sprout and staring longingly at the back of his friend’s heads, was to work in pairs in identifying the potted plants in a rotation across the room. It wasn’t the fact that he was working with Thalia that put him off so much about the group work; it was the fact that he wasn’t working with Peter when they’d proven themselves so far in making an excellent team. Now he was teamed up with Frank Longbottom, whose untidy sandy blond hair from behind was annoying him far more than it should have. Seeing that James and Sirius were teamed up together and Lily along with another Hufflepuff girl didn’t help either, and he did his best to fight a scowl. Thalia seemed to pick up on his hesitancy and she cleared her throat, bringing his attention back to the task at hand while giving her an apologetic look.

“Oh, sorry.” He said, as he opened his Herbology textbook and set his bag on the ground. “I guess I’ll find out whatever… _this_ is. Any thoughts?”

“It’s Asphodel, also known as Royal Staff. It’s got both magical and non-magical uses. It’s mainly used for its root, which when powdered can be used as an ingredient in potion making.” Said Thalia while jotting down notes on her parchment, surprising Remus with her quick response and making him avert his attention to her.

“How did you know that?” He asked, taking notes as quickly as possible as to not forget what she said. “Been reading ahead?”

“Well your book is open to the page, so...”

“…Oh, right.” He felt himself turn slightly pink.

“Don’t worry, I’m in no place to judge.” Thalia shrugged and smiled and her blue forget-me-not eyes met his for a brief moment before darting back to the asphodel. “We should probably take more notes. I don’t want you to get in more trouble.” Remus scratched the side of his face and agreed, trying his best to fight the urge to fix his hair in case she looked at him again for too long.

 

Working with Thalia was a pleasant surprise to working with Peter. For one, the work was much more equally split since it wasn’t just him doing all of the reading and note taking. Also, Thalia expressed interest in what they worked with, which made him much more engaged as a result. Of course he never minded Peter’s lack of interest since Remus knew Herbology wasn’t the most exciting of subjects as compared to Defense Against the Dark arts or Charms, especially to other Gryffindors in his year. He appreciated the welcome change, even if it was temporary until they could choose partners again.

Finally they reached the last of the stations in the front of the classroom, which held a purple flowering sort of plant that Remus leaned over to get a closer look at.

“What’s this one?” He asked touching the green leaves and petals that made his fingertips tingle and tickle.

“That would be Wolfsbane.” Thalia replied, completely absorbed in her note taking. Remus slowly retracted his hand “It’s called Aconite too, or… Monkswood, I think? Or was it Monkshood…”

“Why’s it called Wolfsbane?” He asked, still eyeing the plant. “It looks pretty harmless to me.”

“…I don’t know. I know the leaves are _very_ poisonous, though. Maybe wolves kept eating them and getting hurt when the person decided on a name.” Thalia leaned over to turn the pages of their textbook to match the plant in front of them. Remus wiped the hand he’d touched the plant with on his robes before professor Sprout piped up from behind, startling the both of them.

“That’s all for today class. An short essay on the differences between non magical and magical plants on my desk tomorrow.” There was another groan among the students before she waved her hand in the air dismissing them. “Oh please, a few lines won’t kill you. Good day everyone— ah, Mr. Lupin, a word?” The class ‘oohed’ at him as they all filed out of the greenhouse, making him blush.

“Ignore them.” Thalia said, slowly collected her things, being the last of the students to leave and gave him an encouraging smile before waving goodbye. He smiled and waved back, absentmindedly playing with the leaves of the plant atop their table as he waited for the Professor to reprimand him. Instead, her next words caught him by surprise more than they should have.

“Are you alright?” she asked, making him bring his gaze up to meet hers. Remus could tell by the curious tone of her voice that she meant from more than just not arriving on time. He nodded quickly in response and noticed her face relax into a smile instantly. “You really did oversleep then, did you? Nothing else, right?”

“Yes ma’am. I was making up classwork and I went to sleep too late. It won’t happen again, I promise.” He replied. She studied him for a few seconds before fixing her gloves over her hands and nodding her head towards the door.

“Very well. Off you go then.”

 

The others were waiting for him just outside the greenhouse door and Sirius nudged him in the ribs with his elbow before they set course for their next class.

“You made pretty good time even for being late, sleeping beauty.” Sirius said. Remus smiled and shrugged, adjusting his knapsack over his shoulder. “The best part about all of it is how your bad luck came in threes. Not only did you oversleep, but you lost points, _and_ ended up being partnered up with Thalia Winsor.”

“Why is that bad luck?” Remus replied, searching Sirius’ face as well as James and Peter’s for an answer. “She is pretty good at Herbology, plus she’s nice.”

“Why is that bad luck?” James asked, now walking backwards in front of them so he could explain. “Remember the howler we were telling you about last night? Well we’re in the middle of breakfast and all anyone hears across the Great Hall is her dad screaming at her.” Remus felt his face contort into a puzzled expression as he defaulted to Peter, who was used to explaining things to him now.

“Apparently her parents wanted her in Slytherin.” Peter shrugged, not being much help. “They’re purebloods, like us.” Remus nodded in understanding, now realising why Thalia had been without a partner when he arrived to class.

“I thought it didn’t matter—?”

“It doesn’t.” The three of them replied simultaneously.

“They’re just… It’s sort of like my family, where they _really_ think it does. Except I don’t remember my parents ever having nice things to say about the Winsors.” Sirius said, itching his messy hair.

“What do they say?” Remus replied, now much more curious. He couldn’t imagine anyone having anything mean to say about Thalia.

“I mean nothing important.” Sirius continued, looking more thoughtful. “Thing about my parents is that they’re not happy about people just claiming their blood as pure once they get money, which from what I heard was what Thalia’s dad did.” His face lacked the hint of a carefree smile when he talked about his family, which made Remus regret asking.

“But landing in Slytherin is a great honour for purebloods, so you can bet they’re pretty ashamed of her for getting the complete opposite house.” Peter said, making him and James laugh.

“I’ll say. You don’t get much farther from Slytherin than Hufflepuff. I’m glad I didn’t get sorted there if I’m honest, I hear that’s where they put people who can’t get into the other three houses” James said getting Sirius to laugh before turning around to lead them instead of face them.

“I don’t think it’s funny. Thalia is really nice.” Remus said quietly to Peter, who only shrugged in response.

"He’s only joking, Remus.” He replied while slicking his sandy hair back with his fingertips. “Though to be fair, he’s got a point.”

 

It was their first double Charms class of the term and like Defense against the Dark Arts class, the Gryffindors the time slot with the Slytherins in their year. It had been Remus’ first Charms class since he’d missed the first two being ill, but thanks to Lily helping him catch up, he wasn’t too far behind. Thinking about her now, he scanned the faces of the room to find hers. She was sitting on the far side of the classroom next to Severus, who Remus hadn’t seen since the sorting. He looked much happier now that they were reunited and James wasn’t winding him up. Now that he was thinking about it, this had been the first time Remus had actually seen him smiling.

The sharp piercing sounds of the professor’s wand tapping the desk brought his attention away from Lily to the front of the classroom. The tiny Professor Flitwick climbed up on his stack of book as the rest of the class was getting seated to focus their attention to him. He lit the tip of his wand the same way madam Pomfrey had through the tunnels to the safe house and flourished it back and forth, making the class ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ watching the bulb of light. With another flick, he extinguished the light and addressed all of them.

“Today we will be practicing the wand-lighting charm. I assume we have all done our homework on how to cast it, yes?” The class murmured what sounded like a communal yes, making the professor smile giddily. “Excellent! Now, wands at the ready, and repeat after me… _Lumos.”_ As they followed his instructions, some of the wands in the classroom sparked to life. Remus took a deep breath and waved his wand.

“ _Lumos._ ” He said, and managed a decent radiance at the tip of his wand. He smiled and looked over to Peter, whose wand next to his flickered like a broken light bulb after muttering his incantation before settling at a very dim glow. His eyes followed over to Sirius and James on the other side of Peter, who very nearly blinded themselves and the classroom with how bright their wands flashed.

The rest of the class was spent either practicing making the glow brighter or dimmer per student. Although Remus had done the classwork and reading for his spell, he’d learned that there was a lot more the spell casting than saying a few words and waving his wand back and forth. The harder he tried getting the glow at the end of his wand to be more functional than a candlestick, the more he’d realised that the summers his father spent teaching him spells, as well as his row with Avery in Defense Against the Dark Arts class were probably just flukes. He changed his inflection, his pronunciation, tried less dramatic wand movements, only getting more frustrated when the tip of his wand let out the same glow.

When he took a break to monitor the other’s progress, he took a little comfort knowing they were struggling just as much as he was. Peter still couldn’t muster more than a few flickers, and James and Sirius bickered over how to get each other to stop making such glaring spells. Remus tilted his head and twisted his wand in his hand when the realization dawned on him, and he tried once more.

“ _Lumos._ ” He said, willing his wand to light rather than expecting it to. Almost immediately he felt a warmth in his palm clutching the end of his wand, and the end lit with a perfect amount of light enough to illuminate his face in the sunlit classroom. “I think I got it!” He said excitedly, smiling and nudging Peter who only seemed to only get more discouraged.

“Great.” He said, still swishing his wand. “Now how’d you get it to do it? Because I think I may have a broken wand.”

“Maybe it’s not the wand that’s broken.” Sirius said, leaning over and smiling, which made James let out a frustrated growl and snap at him.

“Shut up, you can’t even get yours to stop being as annoying as you are.”

The only people who seemed to notice Remus’ triumph was professor Flitwick, who gave a him a pleased look and a thumbs up, and Lily who held up her wand too as both her and Severus found the same success.

 

The time flew by quickly after that and before they knew it, professor Flitwick dismissed them to their lunch break before their Transfiguration lesson. The four of them settled into their seats of the table as baked potato soup materialized in their respective bowls, signaling Remus and Peter to dig in immediately while the owls flew by to deliver the post. Despite the sound of flapping a hooting, Remus didn’t pay much mind to what was around him. He built up a nasty habit in his first week at school where satisfying his hunger made him so oblivious that even if Ezra had shown up and given him a stack of from home, he wouldn’t have noticed.

After a few minutes, he looked up and noticed James and Sirius were missing from their seats across from him. He whipped his head around and recognized the back of Sirius messy hair a few tables down sat next to Severus, with James seated on the other side next to Lily. He felt an uncomfortable squirm in his stomach at the sight since he knew his friends weren’t on friendly terms with Lily’s friend Severus.

“I’m headed to class early.” Said Peter after belching and wiping his lips with the trim of his robes. “Save you a seat?”

“Yeah thanks. I think I’ll catch up in a few too since the others look busy.” He replied. Peter nodded and shrugged before turning on his heel out of the Great Hall, leaving Remus alone to gather his own things.

He turned his head slightly towards the direction of his friends behind him, doing his best to concentrate on their hushed tones to better make out what they were saying. Their voices were muffled throughout all of the noise in the hall, but loud enough that Remus could hear the harmlessness in James and Sirius’ voices as they asked about their shared Charms lesson. It was more than Remus could hope for that James wasn’t being as nasty to Severus as he was on the train, and he knew Sirius would follow suit. He took comfort in his notion and after a few minutes, slung his knapsack over his shoulder and stood up to walk out of the Great Hall in hopes Peter hadn’t gone too far ahead of him already.

 

Remus was halfway to Professor McGonagall’s class, reviewing spells and wand motions in his head before getting distracted by the quick pitter-patter of shoes on the marble floor that seemed to be drawing nearer from behind him. He turned his head and saw James and Sirius running towards him.

“Remus! Just the person we wanted to see.” James called out as he and Sirius were closing in on him on their way to class. Remus smiled at the thought, glad that his friends were willing to sprint to catch up with him so he wouldn’t need to walk to class alone. Sirius forced a folded note of parchment into his chest before he could greet them, forcing him to hang onto it.

“Oh— Wait, what’s this?” He asked, looking at the front and back of it to see it addressed to Severus Snape. He felt the heat rise in his face as he looked up to both of them, who only looked at each other and back to him.

“Nothing.” They responded simultaneously. He couldn’t tell if he was angry or disappointed, and settled on an even plane for both as Remus stared at them both disbelievingly.

“Tell me you didn’t—“

“Shh! Hide it quick!” Said James, who hastily stuffed the letter into an inner pocket of Remus’ robes.

“That’s them Mr. Filch!” Severus shouted from down the corridor, pointing his finger at the three of them. Next to Severus was a tall man who Remus assumed was Mr. Filch. The first thing he noticed about Mr. Filch was his clothes, which weren’t robes like the professors wore, but a long coat as well as layers of woolen sweaters. He only looked to be a couple of years older than the seventh year students as he had a young face, though it was already hinted with the telltale signs of aging. His features had already been contorted as though they rested in a position where he always smelled something terrible, and his thick sideburns framed his face to make it look much longer than it actually was. Remus was surprised the other two didn’t up and run off as they approached since the man looked very authoritative and intimidating. “They’re the ones that took my property and ran off with it.” Mr. Filch looked at the three of them with his pale grey eyes, scanning their faces and tutting.

“You boys should know that taking things is naughty naughty…” He said in an almost sing songy voice. Remus looked between James and Sirius on either side of him, unbelieving of their silence in letting him take the fall.

“I didn’t take—“ He started before being interrupted by the soft meow

. “T-take anything…” Remus’ eyes trailed downwards to the source of the sound to find a small skinny cat with dust coloured fur and yellow eyes that reminded him of the glow of the candles in the safe house.

“One who speaks first has the guilty conscience. The least you boys could do is pick the best liar to speak.” Said Mr. Filch, making Remus’ face heat up. Despite needing to keep a dire secret, he did not like being wrongfully accused of lying. “If you didn’t do it, who did then?” Remus looked between James and Sirius again, who still remained silent while rocking on the balls of their feet. He remained silent and bit his tongue. “Right, well if no one is going to admit to it, detention for the three of you.”

“What?!” The three of them exclaimed, all with varying degrees of surprised, confused, and angry.

“You’re joking!” Sirius said.

“Do I look like much of a joker to you?”

“But—“ Remus stammered, unable to finish with the panic now setting in. His entire purpose at school was not to draw attention to himself and he was sure setting a record for the fasted detention received was not doing him any favours.

“Wait, he didn’t take his stupid letter, we did.” James said, reaching into Remus’ robes again to take out the now slightly crumpled letter. “See?”

“Convenient cover up now that punishments been passed. Would have been nice to know first _before_ you got him into trouble, eh?” said Filch, silencing James with the harsh truth. Sirius ruffled his hair on the other side of Remus, clearly feeling too guilty himself to say anything. It was too late now that the sentence had been given, and the three of them knew it. “Now make nice and give the boy his property.”

“Here’s your stupid note, _Severus_.” James spat, shoving the note into his chest and brushing passed his shoulder. Sirius followed shortly after, not saying anything to Severus but bumping him on the other side. Severus clutched the letter, looking distraught that it’d been vaguely creased. His dark eyes met Remus’, shooting a nasty look at him that sent the worst chill down his spine before turning around and walking away in a huff.

 

There was a lot for him to think about on the long walk back to the common room. He’d avoided contact as much as possible with James and Sirius during Transfiguration, as there wasn’t much to be said that didn’t involve becoming very upset. He willed the class to go by faster for him in hopes that he could avoid the professor while she was given the news, and was more than relieved when they were dismissed. Remus was the first in the class to leave, taking the longest possible route to Gryffindor tower he could to give himself time to think.

He was stressed out enough trying to catch up on classes since the full moon, but now Remus felt like throwing up now that he had detention on top of everything. He thought about Professor McGonagall first and how much he wasn’t looking forward to _that_ particular conversation, especially since now he was very much aware that her being head of house did not mean she went easy on her own students. In fact, he’d only just started picking up on the fact that she expected more from them all and treated them harsher than students in other houses.

He thought next of his parents, who he knew were going to be notified whether it be from himself or professor McGonagall. He thought about how disappointed they would be with him, probably too much to even write down in a letter so they’d have to come by the school and tell him face to face. His last thought was of the Headmaster, whom he’d sooner take a thousand knockback curses from Avery before having to face him. Professor Dumbledore had given him more than anyone in the magical world would have risked their neck for, and Remus knew that getting into trouble the first chance he got was a terrible way to repay him. He solemnly approached the portrait of the Fat Lady and swallowed the lump in his throat before uttering the password to enter the Gryffindor common room.

 

Peter’s eyes caught his first, compelling him to walk towards the table where the three of them were seated with James and Sirius with their backs to him. Peter smiled and waved nervously at him as he walked towards them; making the other two turn around. Without any kind of plan or conversation in mind, Remus was going to make sure he gave them a piece of his mind for sharing the blame with him for something he wasn’t a part of.

“Hey Remus—“ Peter started before being cut off.

“What on Earth was so important about that letter that you took it away from him?” he asked, paying Peter no mind as he cut him off.

“Nothing.” James replied, shrugging his shoulders and fixing his glasses with a smile on his face that was making Remus’ blood boil. “It was just a joke.” James pushed up his glasses after he finished, and Remus scoffed before speaking.

“Well he obviously didn’t find it funny.”

“I mean… it was a little—“ Sirius started before Remus shot him a look similar and nasty enough to rival the one Severus gave him. Like a dog with his tail between his legs, Sirius’ smile dropped and he looked down to his shoes. “ _Wrong_. Terribly wrong.”

“What’s it to you anyway? I tried telling him you didn’t do it and he still didn’t believe us. Stop overreacting. It’s already done and you’re not our mother.” James snapped, making Remus’ tongue swell up in his mouth. He wanted to tell James off for being such a git, but he couldn’t. Instead he focused all of his energy fighting back tears and the lump in his throat.

“He’s not your mother, but you let him take the fall with you when he didn’t sell you out!” Shouted Lily who was now storming to the table, her face taking a similar shade to her hair. She stood in between the two of them and prodded her finger into James’ chest. “And what did you do to help him other than treat him poorly for pointing out the truth.” The volume of Lily’s voice was carrying across the common room enough to make some of the students relaxing by the fireplace glance over to see what the commotion was about before returning to their business.

“Y-you weren’t even there, Evans.” James replied, much quieter now that someone else was reprimanding him. Lily rolled her eyes before continuing.

“I didn’t need to be to know how both of you acted like chickens when Mr. Filch was involved.” Her eyes met Sirius’ who was still sitting down and doing his best to avoid them. “You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Honestly, if this is how you treat your friends for standing by you, then you don’t belong in Gryffindor.”

 

Lily let her words hang in the air for a minute before storming off to the girl’s staircase, leaving the boys alone to wallow in the silence. Remus assumed that even though she’d just finished sticking up for him that she was angry with him for being so passive with them. He felt another knot form in his stomach at the thought. His friends he couldlive with being upset with him, but for some reason knowing there was a chance Lily partially blamed him too made him feel worse.

“She’s right,” Sirius said, being the first to break the uncomfortable silence and scratched his head while standing up. “We really shouldn’t have let you take the blame with us. You’re a really good friend for letting us, though.” Sirius shrugged before turning around to Peter, who still appeared to be reeling from the last comment Lily made. “We’ll find some way to make it up to you, won’t we, James?”

“Yeah. Right... Sorry, Remus.” James replied, his voice catching a little. After apologizing he snatched his bag and walked over to the boy’s staircase without another word.

 


	8. Imperium Vitae Periculosae

James, Sirius, and Remus were all called into Professor McGonagall’s office at the end of class along with Mr. Filch and his cat. The three of them filed in and stood at the edge of her desk, knowing full well that the time to pass the punishment was upon them. Incidentally it was the longest amount of time Remus spent around his friends since the incident, since Remus was still bitter at the fact the two of them dragged him along into trouble for their actions.

“Mr. Filch has informed me of an incident involving the three of you.” Said Professor McGonagall from her desk, watching the three of them with a look that would halt a storm. Mr. Filch stood behind them with his cat in his arms, whose soft mewling was the only noise breaking the silence until the boys spoke.

“Yes ma’am.” They replied simultaneously, making Mr. Filch stifle his cackling to them admitting their guilt. The professor sighed and removed her spectacles.

“I don’t think we need a recap of what was done, do you?” They all shook their heads without meeting her eyes, which Remus could feel boring into his skull where they stood. “You will spend this Friday afternoon with Hagrid. He will be ridding his garden of all of the rotten fruit, and I’m sure he would be delighted in a pair of extra hands.” She put her spectacles back on and looked down at her desk to begin sorting through various pieces of parchment assignments. “While you’re doing that, you can reflect on the twenty points you’ve lost for Gryffindor—”

“Wait, Professor…” Said James, piping up and making her stop in her tracks

“Too late to squirm your way out of this one—“ Barked Filch, who seemed inches away from wringing their necks before Professor McGonagall held up her hand to interrupt him.

“Thank you Mr. Filch. What is it, Potter?” She asked, staring at James through her spectacles as he fidgeted with his fingers.

“You- you shouldn’t make Remus come with us.” He responded, turning his head towards Remus and adjusting his glasses. “He was only in trouble because we let him share the blame when Mr. Filch found us.” Remus kept his stare fixed Professor McGonagall’s desk and doing his best not to react to how seemingly out of character James was acting, as it was only a few short nights ago that he was making Remus feel stupid for overreacting.

“That’s right.” Said Sirius, piping up and nodding along. “He didn’t even know what we snatched until after he got in trouble with us.” Everyone’s eyes met with Sirius’ now, making him turn slightly pink and shrug. “Well, it’s true! Go on, Remus...”

“Mr. Lupin?” She asked very seriously, still clutching a small stack of parchment as clearly the new development had caught her off guard. Remus felt like his tongue was swelling in his mouth again as it did the other night, prompting him to nod instead of responding verbally. The professor McGonagall sighed and rubbed her temple with her free hand. “Very well. You all may go,” The three of them nodded, and just as Remus was going to turn on his heel again to leave, was stopped by her holding up her hand to stop him. “Except for you. I’d like a word.”

Remus noticed that despite having to spend their Friday afternoon gardening with Hagrid, James and Sirius turned to leave the room looking much more pleased with themselves than when they all arrived together.

“Pickin’ flowers now boys, just a matter of time until you’re in even more trouble and _I_ get to pass the punishment...” Said Mr. Filch as he followed them out, stroking his cat in his arms until her soft mewlings turned into faint echoes as they disappeared to the corridor. Remus swallowed hard knowing that any instance where his Head of House requested to speak to him directly could not possibly have led to any good news.

“Is there any particular reason you thought it wise to share fault that wasn’t yours?” She asked, breaking the silence and now looking at him with a hint of concern laced in her disappointed look. Remus instinctually brought his hand up to fix his mop-top over his face. He couldn’t help but notice this was the second time a professor asked to speak to him personally, and he already wasn’t too fond of his record.

“No ma’am.” He responded, doing his best to keep his voice firm. “I guess I just… didn’t want to make things worse for them by selling them out.”

“I see.” She responded, pursing her lips. She removed her glasses and Remus met her eyes, waiting for his impending lecture. “I know I do not need to remind you, of all students especially, about staying _out_ of trouble.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I’m glad you agree. However, as noble as your intentions were and regardless of your innocence, I cannot undermine our caretaker’s order to discipline you.” Remus nodded in understanding. He’d already accepted his fate. After all, he did enjoy Hagrid’s company, and thought helping him with his gardening may not have been so awful. “Madam Pince, the school librarian, has a large stack of books that she will need assistance in sorting this Friday evening. You will serve your detention with her, and that is my final word.” Her words made Remus perk up immediately as he was in disbelief in what he was hearing. He nodded quickly in an attempt not to look too excited that he’d dodged a harsher sentence than James and Sirius. He thanked her and turned on his heel to leave before she spoke again. “Oh, and Lupin? Keep those friends of yours in line.”

 

Now that he’d been more or less cleared in the eyes of professor McGonagall, Remus was in a significantly better mood with his friends. He felt a little guilty for being so pleased that he didn’t get in the same amount of trouble, but he wouldn’t have been saved had it not been for James and Sirius speaking up. He walked back to Gryffindor tower to find the three of them already changed out of their robes and relaxing on their respective beds.

As always, Peter was the first to notice him walk in, notifying the others to his presence as he waved. Remus smiled at them, hoping they would pick up on the indication that all was forgiven. After all he couldn’t stay mad at his friends for doing the right thing, even if it was delayed. James and Sirius returned the gesture and got back into their story to Peter about what happened in McGonagall’s classroom, which was of course was riddled with exaggeration of how much she yelled and practically caned them. As they continued, Remus quietly changed out of his robes and cracked open one of his schoolbooks to get a head start on his homework as he settled onto his bed.

“Sounds like you were all lucky to get out alive.” Said Peter, who looked enthralled enough in the story that Remus couldn’t tell if he believed it or not. “Detention with the groundskeeper too… That sounds like it could get really dangerous.”

“Oh yeah, no doubts it will be.” Sirius responded. “I bet he’ll have us do some work in the Forbidden Forest.” James nodded his head in agreement, Peter gasped, and Remus bit the inside of his lip to keep his urge to giggle at bay. He decided against letting the two of them know right away about his separate detention right away to save them the embarrassment of having to explain their gardening duties.

 

The library inside of the castle was massive. The walls all seemed to be lined with thousands of shelves, holding hundreds of thousands of books. As Remus stepped in further, he could see the library extended upwards on a second floor that only added to the overwhelming size of the room. He was so fascinated at the sight that he almost forgot he’d not come on his own terms. He refocused his attention to a witch seated behind a desk near the entrance that he assumed to be madam Pince.

When Remus thought of librarians, he defaulted to old women with large glasses, having their nose buried in a book while telling everyone to hush. However, the witch sitting behind the desk looked to be the same age as professor McGonagall and didn’t have the need for glasses at all. Her eyes darted up from the parchment she was scribbling on to give him a once over before looking back down to continue.

“Lupin, is it?” She asked while still looking down.

“Yes ma’am.” Remus replied, apparently a little too loudly if her bringing her forefinger to her lips immediately after he spoke was anything to go by.

“Shh… Good. The books that will need sorting are on that rack.” She pointed to her right with her quill to a trolley stacked with a few dozen books. Remus felt his heart sink. There weren’t as many books as he feared, but the size of the library that was so captivating to him only moments ago was now much more daunting as he was sure it would take him a few hours at least to get through them all. He nodded in understanding, waiting for her to continue. “Over there is Fiction, then non-fiction, Reference, then Spell.” She said, pointing to all different corners. “The shelves are all numbered and categorized to match what’s inside the cover. When the books are back to their rightful homes and I’ve found your time served as satisfactory, you will be dismissed. The sooner you get done, the sooner you may be free to go.” Remus nodded and walked towards the cart of books. Oh, and not a peep while you do so. I won’t have you disturbing the other students trying to study. Off you go, then.”

 

Remus picked up the first one titled in what looked like really old welsh and looked back over to Madam Pince, who was now back to scribbling on her papers and ignoring him. He began pushing the cart and cracked open the cover just as she said and saw the classification in the bottom corner in bold black letters.

 

_NON-FICTION – SHELF Z: A – ROW 15_

 

It looked simple enough. After all there had to be millions of books in the library, so the system made sense. Luckily the shelves were clearly marked with golden plaques, which made it much easier for him to find what he was looking for. He followed the shelves and turned down the aisle until he reached the matching letter. Remus glanced down at the cover again to figure out where to place the book, and realised that row fifteen was much higher than he expected. Once he moved the hair from his eyes he could see the empty space where the book belonged and felt even more helpless to reach it.

He looked around for a ladder to reach without any luck. He caught eyes with an older student sat in one of the study desks. She smiled at him and made a motion with her hands with her own book, as if she were placing it on a shelf. Remus felt himself turn pink as he thought she was teasing him, but her slight nod told him otherwise. She made the same motion again and mouthed the word ‘try.’

Remus looked between the book in his hands and the girl and he mimicked her movement as if he were putting the book in its place. He felt a tug upwards from his hands and the book began pulling away as if tied to an invisible fishing line being reeled. When he let go, he watched as it soared from his palm to the empty space on the shelf, nestling in perfectly like a puzzle piece. Remus smiled and looked back to the girl to thank her, but unfortunately she’d left by the time he’d finally looked back towards her direction.

Thanks to her, his detention sentence though tedious, promised to be much more productive and enjoyable now that he knew all of the books had been enchanted. Now he looked forward to the hunt for where the books belonged rather than dread walking around the entire library. Time trickled by as the last of the students were leaving the library when Remus was reaching the end of his stack. He made glances towards Madam Pince’s desk to see if she took notice of his progress or if she was going to say something about him being the only student left in the library, but she still seemed to be buried in her work.

Remus picked up the final book, making him grunt slightly as it was one of the heavier in the load. He looked inside the cover for the classification when he saw that it’d been scribbled out and handwritten instead.

_NON-FICTION – SHELF D:W – ROW 4_

He tilted his head and squinted to look passed the scribbles into what was written before without any luck. His eyes followed to the other side to the list of people who checked out the book last to see who had it recently. If someone was messing around with the classifications, Remus thought it would be best to bring it to Madam Pince to sort out. It only looked like one person checked out the book, and the name put down wasn’t anything he recognized or could even read as it looked to be scribbled out as well. He closed the cover and examined the front.

The silver lettering read in Latin, which Remus could only barely make out as _Imperium Vitae Periculosa._ He flipped through the first few pages of the book and saw the book was written in the same language. It was hard to imagine why someone would have bothered with a book written in text he was sure no student could understand, but with every page Remus could feel his interest dissolving until he landed on a full page drawing of what looked like a dragon crossed with a lion. The creature opened its jaws and breathed fires across the page, letting out a silent roar showing all of its teeth. It was unlike anything he’d ever seen or heard of before. Remus moved the hair from his face and turned the pages, stopping on the different drawings of creatures that he wouldn’t have believed to exist if the book wasn’t marked as non-fiction, even if by someone else.

Eventually he turned to a page that sent a chill down his spine. The drawing was of a man standing at first, but as he stared at the page Remus could see his skin stretching and tearing to reveal something underneath. The longer he gazed, the more Remus could almost feel his own skin stretching and tearing before tightly closing his eyes.

It was too horrible to watch.

The text was all in Latin like the rest of the book, but the drawing was obvious enough that he didn’t need to know how to translate the language to know _Lycanthropus_ meant Werewolf. He opened his eyes again to a completely different image. The wolf the man had become had great claws and teeth, large soulless eyes, and scraggly fur that made it look even more horrible and vicious. Remus held the book closer to his face until his nose was inches from the pages as he examined the image.

Despite being what he was for most of his life, Remus had never actually seen what he turned into until he was staring at the sketch. He’d heard fairy tales back home and in the muggle schools and towns about a wolf on two legs eating townspeople and terrorizing villages. Usually the wolf was more person than animal, it was even obvious in the old films he watched with his mother that the monsters were only men in suits. Something in his gut told him he was looking at something more than a rough sketch of what he turned into whenever the full moon was out. The more he stared down at the page, the worse he felt. Even in Remus’ wildest imaginings he never thought that what he was, what he really was, was something so terrifying.

 

He snapped the book shut as he felt his heart pounding in his ears, keeping the book under his arm as he turned his attention back to the task at hand and pushed the cart back to Madam Pince. She looked to be finished up with whatever she was so busy with before, giving Remus her undivided attention as he approached her desk.

“All done?” She asked, looking over to the empty cart as if expecting more books to appear.

“Yes ma’am.” Remus replied, moving his hair slightly out of his eyes with his free hand to look at her while clutching the book close to him with his other.

“Good. Looking at the clock, I think it’s safe to say your time is well served.” She turned her head and Remus’ eyes followed to the time that read 8 o’clock on her desk timepiece. “You may go, Mr. Lupin. Good night.” She began stacking all of her papers before Remus spoke again.

“Before I go, I thought you should know about this.” He said, pulling the book from under his arm and placing it on her desk. Her eyes flicked from the book to him several times before he continued. “I— well it was in the stack you gave me… But I got confused.”

“Confused with what, dear?” She sighed impatiently. It was clear she’d was ready to leave as the rest of the students did already.

“It’s already been marked in by someone else.” Said Remus as he opened the cover to show her the scribbles. “There… I didn’t know where to put it, and I thought you would want it brought to you.” Madam Pince slid the book towards her and squinted down at the inside of the cover.

“Hmm… right you are. It would also appear that this book belongs in the restricted section.”

“Restricted section?” Remus parroted while tilting his head. Madam Pince nodded and nodded her head to a section of the library behind him. He turned his head quickly to see the barred off corner of the room almost covered in shadow now that the sun had since set and the lanterns lining the walls were at the end of their oil.

“You’d need special permission from a professor to be able to check out a book from there. I wouldn’t try your luck. Nothing first years would need in there.” She said, making Remus bring his attention back to her and nod. “I don’t know how this landed in your pile, but I will find its home tomorrow as well as address its vandal. Would you like me to escort you to Gryffindor Tower?”

“Oh, no thank you, ma’am.” He replied while the image of James, Sirius, and Peter all laughing at him being brought to the tower with the school librarian burned in his mind.

“Well then, good night _again_ , Mr. Lupin.”

“Good Night Madam Pince.”

 

The only third floor corridor was completely devoid of other students, which to Remus was an unfamiliar sight. He assumed most of the students had gone to their common rooms to go to bed since the hour was teetering towards curfew, but there was no denying the eerie feeling of walking through the castle while it was getting dark. Fortunately for him he only needed to climb four flights of shifting staircases to get to the seventh floor rather than scale the whole castle like he knew James and Sirius would have to. Even with that reassurance, the dimming torchlights lining the walls still gave him the uneasy feeling that someone could be watching him from the shadows.

When Remus reached the stairs, the lack of noise from the marble shifting against itself caused him to look up while he climbed. The staircases had stopped moving completely. He scaled as quickly as he could, not knowing if he’d just gotten lucky that he wouldn’t have to wait for the stairs to shift, or if they were ‘falling asleep’ like the rest of the castle after dark. Once he got to the entrance of the fifth floor corridor, he waited. He knew his way around the castle well enough by now that the stairs should change to give him a straight shot to Gryffindor tower instead of taking the long way through the corridors, but the longer Remus stood at the top waiting for them, the sillier he felt. He resigned himself to the fact that the magic would have to start them in the morning before the stairs would move, and stepped into the corridor.

 

He did his best to keep his own footsteps as quick and quiet as possible while walking through the hall, following the torchlights until he could find another staircase. The castle was different to him after dark. It seemed that without the usual mob of students all headed in a general direction, it was much easier for him to get lost. He wandered in the same direction for a few minutes before reaching a dead end. He scratched his head and turned around, trying not to let himself panic from being lost. He knew if he followed the torches back to the staircase, that maybe he could flag down a prefect patrolling the halls to help him back to the tower.

Just before he took a step and looked up, there was something that froze him in place. It was too dark to make out completely, but it was undeniable that there was a man standing at the other end of the corridor. Remus moved the hair out of his face again to let his eyes better adjust to the lack of light, but was only able to make out his silhouette. Remus felt his heart flutter, as help was just the thing he was looking for. He started to walk down the hallway until the man turned to face him, his outline still the only visible thing about him. Remus stopped walking after the man turned, as he had a sinking feeling that he wasn’t a teacher, prefect, or anyone else looking to help him.

The figure started taking slow and heavy steps towards him, prompting Remus to turn on his heel and turn down the next closest hall in the corridor. He could hear the man’s footsteps getting louder behind him, and brought his walk into a jog when he realised he was only getting himself more lost down a path that had no torches to light. His heart began to race as the footsteps remained steady in pace but louder in volume, as if no matter how much he picked up his pace it would only be a matter of time until he caught up. Remus ran and let his eyes adjust to the dark as best as he could when the brightly lit tip of a wand coming around the corner startled and blinded him, making him fall backwards.

“What are you doing here?” Said an older male student, in his last years if Remus had to take a guess. Remus scrambled to his feet and looked over his own shouder for any sign of the man as he dusted himself off. The footsteps had completely stopped; the only pounding steady pulse was the sound of his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. “Well? Are you just going to stand there or are you going to answer your authority? No students are to be out of bed at this hour. I should think you would know that.” The student said again, bringing Remus’ attention back to him. He had long blonde hair that reached just beyond his shoulders and the hint of a sneer in his face that Remus couldn’t help but find a little familiar despite never having seen him before. His eyes fell then on his silver and green ‘P’ badge glinting off the light from his wand.

“I was on my way back from the Library and I— I got lost on the way back to the tower.” Remus replied, turning his head away from the lit wand that the other boy kept inches from his face as the realization of whom the prefect reminded him of hit him like a train. Though there wasn’t nearly as much, the impression of Mr. Malfoy’s aftershave lingered in the air whenever the prefect made a sudden move.

“Hm. You are aware the library closes its doors at eight o’ clock. It’s half nine.”

“I was…” Before finishing his initial thought of telling the prefect about the unknown man joining them in the corridor, Remus deciding against sounding like what he was sure the prefect would write off immediately considering he was under the impression he busted him wandering the school at night. “I had detention.”

“Detention. In the library.” He scoffed. “Is that really the best you could come up with?” Remus felt his blood begin to boil as it did during the registry. Before he could open his mouth to reply, Remus heard Sirius calling him from the other end of the hall. He turned his head to see his friends accompanied by Professor McGonagall, who were all headed towards them.

“Is there a problem, Mr. Malfoy.” She asked, now illuminating her own wand light to outshine his now that the torches had been reduced to embers with the hour. Malfoy turned his head and pointed his wand at Remus.

“Found a Gryffindor student wandering about after hours.” Malfoy replied. “Claimed he was serving detention when you obviously are on your way back from taking those… _two_.” His eyes lingered n Sirius’ for a moment before cutting back to the professor’s.

“Yes that is correct.” She replied, making Malfoy’s chest deflate. “Thank you for aiding a student wandering aimlessly around the halls. While I’m sure he would have made it back to our common room in your very capable hands, I will escort him from here.” Remus looked between the two of them and walked over to professor McGonagall’s side before causing any more tension to build up, while both James and Sirius smiled at him and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Of course, Professor.” He replied. After an awkward stare down, Malfoy tilted up his chin and turned on his heel to continue along his patrol.

“I don’t want a peep from the three of you. Just because you’re with me doesn’t mean we are going to wake the rest of the school.” She said, pointing her wand at the three of them as they nodded quickly in understanding. James and Sirius smiled at him after she turned around and clapped him on the shoulder, the three of them now following McGonagall through the corridor. She quietly led the three of them through the halls until they reached a much better lit hallway leading to another set of staircases, making Remus sigh with relief. He looked over his shoulder into the shadows as they climbed the stairs to see if the man had still been lingering, but there was nothing.

He brought his attention forward again, worrying about what was lurking in the castle. He’d spent moths before arriving and his first few weeks there worried that he was the most dangerous thing, but now he wasn’t so sure that was the case. Instead of fretting himself too much, he decided he’d tell Professor McGonagall about what he saw when the others weren’t around. Even though he didn’t like keeping secrets, Remus knew it would only make things worse if they knew what he saw too.

 

The four of them arrived to a snoozing portrait of the Fat Lady who only lazily grunted as McGonagall gave the password and swung the entrance open to allow them entry. The fireplace was the only source of light and was still lit for the few students lounging around so late.

“I hope you boys have had a productive night.” She whispered, covering her mouth as she yawned. The three of them nodded again, still under them impression that they were to remain quiet despite being back in the common room. “I might suggest a bath for the two of you before heading off to bed.” Remus couldn’t tell at first in the dim wand light in the halls but after looking between the two of them and getting a closer look, he could see how incredibly filthy they were from gardening with Hagrid and giggled. James and Sirius both nodded and the professor bade them goodnight before disappearing up her own stairs to her quarters.

 

Peter awoke the moment they entered the room, rubbing his eyes and yawning and babbling like he were still in his dream. The sweet smell in the air made Remus’ nose tingle and he noticed the wrappers of different chocolates and sweets he’d occupied himself with while they were gone for the night.

“Glad to see you’ve had a fulfilling night.” Sirius said, reaching into his trunk for his pajamas. “Don’t suppose you saved any for us?” Peter blushed and collected the wrappers from his bed into a wad to toss into the bin between him and Remus’s beds.

“I would have if you didn’t get in trouble.“ Peter replied sheepishly, soon biting his lower lip after meeting eyes with Remus and giving him a guilty look. “I— I mean, not you Remus… I know you didn’t have anything to do with the whole Severus thing.”

“It’s alright Peter, I actually didn’t mind sorting books in the library.” Remus shrugged. It was half-true, after all. Despite finding the book of strange and horrible beasts and almost running into whoever was on the fifth floor, he rather enjoyed his night to himself.

“Hang on,” Sirius started. “You’re telling me while we were out getting our fingers nipped at by God knows what’s lurking in Hagrid’s bloody garden, you were sorting through books in the library? Indoors?” Remus shrugged again and nodded, trying not to look too satisfied with the incredulous look on Sirius’ face.

“No need to whine, I’m sure Remus got his fair share of paper cuts.” James said, finally piping up and clearly trying to hide his own jealousy that was obviously flaring up. Remus knew James felt the same way, but he also knew they both still felt guilty for getting him in trouble in the first place and decided it best not to rub it in.

“Unbelievable. I’m going to smell like manure for weeks.” Sirius whined as Peter made a face.

“At least it’ll be a nice change.” Said Remus, making the others laugh.

 

After the others bathed, it didn’t take long for them all to drift off to sleep. Remus could tell Peter was the first to go from his routine snoring followed by James and Sirius who’s hushed whispers died down a half hour later. As much as he tried to rest, there was too much on his mind for him to ignore. Every time he closed his eyes, he could only see the sketches of monsters that he very much regretted flipping through pages of now that he was in the dark. He wondered about the Restricted Section in the Library and how a book that belonged there ended up in his hands, especially one that seemed to have an extensive chapter on werewolves. It seemed too strange to be a coincidence, but how could someone have known that he served his detention in the library? If someone did want him to find that book, who was it? And why did they want him to see it? His eyes shot open as the image of the man transforming burned in his mind again, making him start to sweat.

As if he wasn’t anxious enough, the only thought he was able to distract himself with was of the man on the fifth floor corridor. He could hear his footsteps again in his head as clear as they were when they followed him, getting louder and louder until he swore he could hear them in the room with him. Remus bolted upright in his bed, looking at the dark corners of the room in case there was anyone lurking there. The coast was clear and he felt himself relax slightly, now knowing that what he thought were more footsteps was just his own heartbeat. More than anything Remus wanted to know who he was, but as he lay back in bed and pulled the covers over his head, he had a sinking feeling that knowing would be much worse.

 


	9. The Shrieking Shack

Hogwarts looked much more different in the wintertime. The bewitched ceiling of the great hall showing the open sky rained down large tufts of dry snow, egg nog was a specialty drink served every day upon request, and a dozen of the largest Christmas trees Remus had ever seen lined the hall, putting everyone in the spirit of the holiday. The staircases were all hanging large icicles that were charmed to never melt or break and courtyards were home to dozens of snowmen, some bewitched to tip their hats and greet whoever walked by, or throw a snowball to anyone unlucky enough to be rude and not return the gesture. Even the forbidden Forest looked much more inviting with a dusting of snow over the treetops.

With all of the changes in scenery and pace, winter was slowly transitioning into Remus’ favourite season. Three moons passed, and every time more successful than the last and after the first snow started to fall, falling ill was something much more believable. What was more, every class Remus missed, Lily was there to catch him back up in the Gryffindor common room after he’d returned. He would be lying if he didn’t at least admit to himself that he didn’t look forward to spending time with her most of all. Even with the misunderstanding between his friends and her friend Severus, Remus really appreciated the fact that the two could look passed their differences in the company they kept. With everything going so well for Remus, it was a refreshing change of pace.

        

“You think you’ll be going home on Christmas?” Peter asked the others as they all sat down in the Great Hall for dinner after classes. He nodded his head over to the teacher’s table where Professor McGonagall stood collecting forms from groups of students at a time.

“Yeah, I’m definitely going home.” Said Sirius rolling his eyes. “Every year my family does this _pure_ dinner with only the _purest_ foods and talk around the table about how _pure_ we are.” He embellished the word pure so much it made the rest of them laugh. Even though his dislike of his family’s ideals was obvious to them by that point, they still found it rather funny how much he could superfluously fit the word ‘pure’ into one sentence.

“That sounds like more fun than having your cheeks pinched by your great aunt telling you how much you’ve grown every single year.” James said, reaching over and grabbing Peter’s cheek. “’Oh Jamesy boy! Look how much you’ve sprouted! I’ll need to make you some longer socks!’” Peter knocked James’ hand off his face, which didn’t look too difficult since James was weak from laughing. Even Remus couldn’t help from giggling at James’ impression before Sirius nudged him to get his attention.

“What about you Remus? I mean, you grew up around muggles mostly right? Don’t you guys do… whatever?”

“Oh, yeah. I mean I visit my grandmother and cousins and stuff in Wales—“

“What’s that like?” Peter asked, cutting him off. The question caught him by surprise, and Remus tilted his head slightly before responding.

“What’s what like?”

“You know, being around muggles and stuff.” They all turned their attention to him now. It was easy to forget sometimes that even though Remus was the one who felt like he had so much to learn in the new world of magic open to him, that he could be equally as fascinating to people like his friends where magic is all they’ve ever known. Remus scratched his head before speaking again.

“Hmm… I imagine the same, just with no magic.” He said. His thought of his grandmother and her frantically scrambling around the kitchen to prepare dinner while making his father hold all of the heavy pots ands pans, knowing how difficult it must have been for him to resist lifting a finger to have to dinner cook itself in order to keep their secret. A small smile tugged across his lips as the nostalgia only made him look forward to see her again even more. “We eat dinner on Christmas eve and open presents first thing in the morning. It’s really nice actually. Much better than overly pure dinners and long socks, I bet.” Peter snickered as James and Sirius both rolled their eyes.

 

The others talked about their extensive Christmas lists after that. Remus wasn’t quite sure what most of the object they listed even were as they all sounded like toys from the most colourful shop in Diagon Alley. He watched them all get excited talking about broomsticks until something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He didn’t notice the stack of papers next to them moments ago, but they didn’t seem ordinary. He reached over and grabbed a bundle, spotting that the photographs on the front page were moving like the portraits around the castle. He smiled and quickly unwrapped the twine binding the pages together and laid the paper flat in front of him to get a better look when the headline caught him by surprise.

 

> **_LOCALS OF HOGSMEADE DUB ‘THE SHRIEKING SHACK’ MOST HAUNTED HOUSE IN BRITAIN_ **

 

Remus’ eyes followed down to the photograph to see his safe house plastered on the front page behind a group of witches all pointing and chattering. He felt his palms starting to sweat from fear that he’d been discovered or worse, that people were going to start trying.

“Hey, have you seen this?” He asked the others; trying to keep his hands steady for holding up the paper for them to see. They others turned their heads to look at him and peered at the paper

“The Prophet? What about it?” Peter asked. Remus turned the paper around to make sure he was showing the right headlines before putting the newspaper in the middle of the table for them all to read.

“Well listen, it says ‘the old building, now dubbed ‘The Shrieking Shack’ was given its new moniker due to the amount of odd activity reported as of late. Some locals say they’ve seen lights come on by themselves and—“ Remus cut himself off, feeling his tongue swell in his mouth before he could read the next words.

“And…?” Peter urged.

“’And screaming from the inside.” He continued, now catching the attention of the other two. “The Shrieking Shack was originally abandoned in 1893, as its original residents passed away, and has remained eerily silent perched on its hilltop since the rumors began.’”

“Shrieking Shack?” Sirius laughed. “People are _surprised_ and old rickety piece of junk building is home to a few ghosts, now? Sounds boring. If you want ghosts, just walk around here. You’ll run into one in five minutes, tops.”

“More like run through one.” James replied, earning a snicker from Sirius and Peter.

“Why would something like this make the front page if it’s not that big of a deal?” Remus asked, scratching his head. “I mean, doesn’t a newspaper have more important things to write about if that’s the case? And there’s hundreds of ghosts here, what makes this once the most haunted—“

“Don’t let it wind you up, Remus. Maybe they’re looking for a new reporter and it’s the best they can do.” James said reassuringly. “Mum and dad always tell me nothing good comes from that paper except the puzzles.” Remus nodded appreciatively. James was right to suggest not letting it get him so worked up. He was sure Professor Dumbledore already had a plan laid out for something like this happening anyway. He turned the page to keep himself from reading on the subject, when he noticed a photograph of Mr. Malfoy shaking hands with an official looking man also dressed in a well-tailored suit. Remus tilted his head again and squinted at the photo caption. _Abraxas Malfoy and Donax Winsor confirmed as partners in new project for Magical Creature Regulation for the M.O.M._

“Hey Sirius, that’s Mr. Winsor, that girl Thalia’s dad. The one who sent the howler, right?” Remus asked, making James groan as Sirius leaned over to see.

“Yep. That’s definitely him.” Sirius confirmed. Peter leaned over too to get a good look.

“Oh yeah it is... What do you think he’s in the paper for?” He asked.

“Who _cares!_ ” cried James, obviously getting worked up that they were all still looking at the paper. “He’s probably up to something no good like most people like him. I mean just look at how… ‘up to something’ he looks.” They were all staring at the photograph now. James had a point. There was a certain kind of sneer to Mr. Winsor that gave him a bad feeling.

“Apparently he’s working with Mr. Malfoy, so you might be right.” Said Remus, pointing at the caption, which oddly enough was the only text on the matter. “He never looks like he’s up to any good either.”

“Eugh… Malfoy.” Sirius agreed, making a face like he was going to be sick at the mention of him.

“How do you know him, Remus?” James asked, looking genuinely curious now. Remus inwardly cursed himself for his slip. Of course he couldn’t tell the others the reason he knew Malfoy was because he was the man who registered him as a werewolf.

“I don’t.” He lied. “Well, I know my dad works for him, and he never has anything particularly nice to say about him… and I think his son was the one who stopped me in the hall that time we were headed back from detention.” James and Sirius lit up with realization.

“Oh yeah, that _was_ him.” Said Sirius, snapping his fingers. “They’ll be at Christmas dinner too, no doubt. I can see it now, ‘Oh Luuucius, won’t you please pass me the _purest_ of cheese to go with my _purest_ of wines.’” This impression had Remus giggling at how spot on it was. He grabbed the paper from the table and folded it as he placed it in the empty space next to him.

“I would never guess you were related to the Malfoys.”

“Well I’m not _yet._ My cousin’s engaged to him.”

“Is she really?”

“Yep, my family doesn’t waste any time. I expect they’ll announce who _my_ future wife will be pretty soon.” Sirius tried not to look too anxious on the matter, but no matter how many jokes he passed, it was obvious to the group that it was something that stressed him out.

“Chin up, mate. With any luck, you’ll end up with Peter. A fine wife he’ll make.” Said James. Peter put his hands on his face and played along, pretending to blush at Sirius, making the rest of them laugh until a light tap on Remus’ shoulder startled him. He turned over his shoulder to see Professor McGonagall with a stack of forms in her hands as well as her own copy of the Daily Prophet.

“A word, Mr. Lupin?” She said in a sort of serious tone that made Remus not want to object in any way. She nodded for him to follow her, and she turned on her heel to leave. The others ‘oohed’ at him as he stood up, prompting him to roll his eyes and wave goodbye to them before grabbing his things to follow Professor McGonagall.

 

There wasn’t much conversation throughout their walk despite her pulling him away for ‘a word.’ At first Remus thought she wanted to speak with him about a past-due Transfiguration assignment he might of missed while he was ill but after she led him passed her own classroom corridor and up the staircase, he gathered otherwise. The pair remained awkwardly silent for the trip until she stopped them on the third floor corridor leading to in a statue gargoyle inside of a nook in the wall. Remus passed this floor with the others countless times before without ever needing a reason to explore, and was admittedly excited about being someplace he’d yet to see.

“The headmaster wishes to speak with you in his office.” She said, ushering him to stand on a slightly elevated stone next to the statue before taking a step back. He nodded to show he heard her but what he was feeling before as excitement, steadily melted into a bundle of nerves. Typically, if any of the professors wanted to speak with him, it usually had to do with his affliction. Remus fidgeted with his fingers and looked up at the details in the gargoyle’s stone to distract himself from overthinking. McGonagall spoke the password too quickly for Remus to catch right away, but the moment the words left her lips, the stones shifted into a spiral staircase around him and the statue leading to and opening above. He took a step up and turned to look over his shoulder to ensure she’d be behind him, only to see her standing frozen in the same spot.

“Are you not coming along, Professor?” He asked.

“Unfortunately not Mr. Lupin.” She replied, adjusting her glasses. “You were requested alone. You’ve done well in keeping yourself out of trouble the past few months, so you’re safe to assume you’re not expelled. Good day.” Remus blushed and turned his attention after catching the slight smile at the corners of her lips before hearing her shoes echo along the marble floor as she walked away. He took a deep breath and climbed the staircase into Professor Dumbledore’s office.

When he reached the top of the staircase, Remus walked through a small walkway that opened into a very large circular room. When he looked around the walls, there were portraits that lined all the way to the ceiling on the empty spaces that weren’t already covered with bookshelves. The room was full of odd knick knacks that reminded Remus of his father’s office, only on a much larger and organized scale. The different objects whirred and slightly whistled, giving the room a sort of ambience that was relaxing to him, especially the sound of the Sorting Hat snoring.

When Remus walked towards the desk in the middle of the room, he was met with a glass bowl of gobstones just like the ones he played with the headmaster on their first meeting. He smiled as he picked on up, being wary of the large red and orange sort of peacock that stood perched only a few feet away that seemed to be eyeing him very suspiciously.

Remus ignored and forgot about the bird the second he laid eyes on another dish holding dozens of tiny wrapped sweets. He reached for one and unwrapped it and the sweet and comforting smell of chocolate instantly filled his nostrils as he ate it all in one bite.

“Hello Remus.” He heard the headmaster’s familiar voice say from the top of a staircase at the edge of the room, making him quickly swallow the piece of chocolate before clearing his throat to answer.

“Hello Headmaster.”

“Please forgive my discretion in not retrieving you myself. It’s much better that other students aren’t aware of the special attention I give you, especially since I don’t bring many first years into my quarters.” Remus nodded and scratched the side of his face as Professor Dumbledore walked down the stairs. “I hope you’ll help yourself to a Morph Morsel.” He sat down in his chair and reached into the same dish Remus grabbed his chocolate, only when the professor unwrapped his own the candy was red, shiny, and smelled just like licorice. He ate the bit in one bite like Remus did moments ago and had a very pleased expression on his face. “They’re clever little treats. They change into whatever sweet you’re craving the moment it’s unwrapped. Please, sit.” Professor Dumbledore waved his hand and a wooden stool materialized, giving Remus a place to plant himself. He reached for another piece in the bowl again, this time examining it before he unwrapped it. The second time he did, the same bit of chocolate was waiting for him. He couldn’t help smiling and thinking of Peter as he ate his now second piece, knowing he’d go crazy for something like it. “I suppose you’re wondering why I’ve called you here?” Said Dumbledore after he finished chewing. Remus nodded. “I trust you’ve seen the morning papers?”

“Yes, I was actually just looking at it with my friends. You mean about the safe house, right?”

“Yes. It has a rather catchy new ring to it now though, doesn’t it? The Shrieking Shack.” Remus shrugged. He didn’t want to outwardly disagree, but he thought the safe house was a much better name for putting him at ease for what it was used for. “This presents a very unique opportunity.”

“Sir?” Remus asked, tilting his head before the headmaster tilted his head downward to look at him beyond his half-moon spectacles.

“Luckily for us, the people of Hogsmeade believe the activity to be ghosts. I think it would work in our favour if we play along with the notion.” He said, making Remus nod in understanding, though he still wasn’t put very much at ease. He sat up on the stool before speaking again.

“But professor, what happens if people try to enter? Won’t it be obvious then that I’m not a ghost?”

“Ah yes, the enchantments do play a part in that as well. Suffice to say there’s a reason people assumed there were ghosts should someone is lurking too close to the building without using the secret entrance.”

“Oh, that’s good! Er… well, not so good for whoever walks up to the safe house I suppose. Sorry, the Shack.” Dumbledore smiled at him and adjusted his spectacles that they were rested atop the bridge of his nose.

“That was all I wished to address, unless there’s anything on your mind you wish to speak to me about? Anything at all?”

“No sir.” He lied as he immediately thought of his night of detention.

“Ah well, have a happy holiday if we do not speak again until then. Do tell your parents hello for me.”

 

*   *   *

 

Being dropped off at King’s Cross station to go back to school was harder the second time around for Remus than he thought it would be, especially since it departed only a few days after Christmas day. Spending time with his parents felt more like a long weekend from classes than it did actual time off, especially since he had to take one of the earlier trains back to school to make sure he was back in time for preparation for the next full moon on new years eve. He was used to needing to make sacrifices for his affliction, and even though he loved going back to school, not being able to spend time with his family because of it was something Remus knew he would never get used to.

As the Hogwarts Express departed, Remus strolled down the car to the first empty cabin he could find when he saw a familiar set of blonde pigtails. Thalia sat with her face completely turned towards the window, watching the scenery blur by as the train was leaving London. Without thinking he immediately tapped on the glass to get her attention, relieved to know he wouldn’t have to spend the trip by himself. She turned her head to look at him and smiled before waving, giving him a gesture to join her. Remus adjusted his knapsack and entered.

“Hey Thalia. I didn’t know you were going to be here.” He said while taking his seat across from her. Thalia straightened up in her seat when Remus noticed the box she’d been cradling on her lap. She looked towards him and smiled brightly, looking happy enough to see him that Remus didn’t bother fixing his hair over his face out of nerves.

“Oh. Yes, my parents dropped me off early so I’ve been here since… well, a while.” She said. Remus didn’t quite know what Thalia meant, but he didn’t question it especially since it had implications that she’d been sitting by herself for so long already.

“Mind if I sit with you? I know I’m here already… for the rest of the ride, I mean.” Remus asked, awkwardly fumbling his words. “I didn’t think I’d see anyone I knew on this train. Everyone I’ve talked to said they were getting the last train back, so.”

“No, I don’t mind at all.” She replied almost immediately. “I didn’t expect anyone I knew either, so it’s really nice. How was your holiday?”

“Really good. I missed my parents a lot so I’m happy I got to see them and my gran. She doesn’t know about us, me and my dad being magic, so it’s always nice to kind of… take a break from it.” Remus’ stomach started hurting when he thought of his grandmother and how much he missed her already. He never got to visit her as frequently as he liked, and with the full moon on the back of his family’s mind creeping up on them, this visit was even shorter than usual.

“It must have been hard to have to leave so soon after Christmas.”

“It was but I’m happy I got to see them at all.” He shrugged, wanting to change the subject immediately so he wouldn’t have to think about them. “How about you? Did you have fun with your parents?” Remus regretted his question straightaway. He bit his tongue behind his lips as he thought about everything he’d heard about her parents and how going home for her was probably something much more stressful.

“It was lovely, thank you. My aunt spent time with us and I always really like seeing her.” From what he could tell, she didn’t take his question as horribly as he feared. Thalia lightly tapped her fingers on the box in her lap, which after getting a closer look, Remus now realized was a large book. “I really enjoyed seeing my parents too though. I know they seem a little strict from what you might have heard, but I know it’s because they love me and only want what’s best, even if other people don’t understand that… Like how I know your parents do too.” Remus felt an uncomfortable squirm at his insides again as he tried to imagine his parents sending him a screaming letter to humiliate him in front of everyone in the Great Hall for being placed in a house they didn’t like. He knew it was none of his business to ask about, so instead he took another stab at changing the subject.

“What’s that you’ve got there?”

“Oh, it’s a book my father gave me. He knows how much I like the Healers, so he gave me a book about them. I’m excited to read it. I know we’re only first years, but I’ve always wanted to be one. Here look, this chapter is my favourite so far.” The tilt in her voice changed to something much sweeter as she spoke about the book. She stood up and sat next to him on the other side of the cabin and opened up the pages to show him the different pictures of the magical doctors, only instead of like moving photographs like the Daily Prophet, they were like hand-drawn sketches put to motion. Even though he hadn’t given it much thought in months, the moving pictures in Thalia’s book reminded him of the book of monsters he found in the library. “It may be silly, but I don’t really understand what’s in most of this book. I think once we get better at magic it will start making more sense, though.”

“Yeah…” Remus started, looking along at the pictures until the scattering thoughts in his mind clicked at once. “You said your father gave this to you?” Thalia nodded slightly, her eyes not looking up from the pages she was rapidly turning to get to the next picture. In between his memories of the books of monsters and the mysterious man in the corridor, Remus kept thinking back to the newspaper article where her father was featured. “What does he do?” The turning of pages slowed as she started fidgeting with the corners of the pages more before speaking again.

“He works for the Ministry of Magic. A lot of our parents do, so it’s normal.”

“But he must do something specific? Like my dad, he works for the magical creature section.”

“I don’t think I’m really supposed to speak about it.”

“Oh, Sorry I… I just saw him in the papers a little while ago with that Malfoy man, so I was curious.”

“Was he…? I don’t really…”

“Yeah in the Daily Prophet after the article on the Shrieking Shack.”

“Oh. Right, that. I suppose it would make sense since he and Mr. Malfoy are friends, anyway. He says that little article was just some extra thing they put in to fill up space in the paper. I know he wasn’t very happy about it.”

“Why not?” Remus asked before Thalia closed the book and stood to her feet. The bright smile in her face had gone now and was replaced by an expression that looked much more anxious.

“You know, I’m getting a little hungry… do you want some sweets from the trolley? I think I heard her a few moments ago. I’ll go pick us up something. Do you like chocolate frogs?” asked Thalia. Remus knew he’d crossed a line with his probing questions and swallowed hard. It was clear to him after his prodding that whatever he was looking to discover wouldn’t come from Thalia without making her upset, and that’s not what he wanted at all.

“Yeah I love them, thanks.” He said. Thalia nodded and placed her book on the seat across from Remus before rushing out of the cabin, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He stared blankly at the book cover, trying to make sense of whatever conclusion he thought he was drawing up to. It had to be more than a coincidence that Thalia’s father would be in possession of a book that looked identical to the monster book he saw in the library, as well as have some sort of project with Mr. Malfoy who just so happened to work with his father in a department that specialised in magical creatures. He thought maybe perhaps he was the one lurking through the corridors that night.

The idea made him nervous, and Remus took a deep breath as he adjusted himself so he was sitting on his hands to keep himself from chewing on his nails out of anxiety. He calmed himself down by assuring himself that he was getting a little too ahead of himself over nothing. After all the books were in completely different languages, and he was sure if he were to pick out a random book from the shelf that he’d realise there were hundreds of books that looked the same kind. After another deep breath, the nerves slowly started to melt away. After all, he hadn’t thought about the book or the man in months, and he would just as soon put them both out of his mind again and focus on something more relevant like his studies or how not to unnecessarily interrogate people.

 

Thalia returned about fifteen minutes later empty handed, which wasn’t a surprise. Remus knew the lady who worked the sweets trolley hadn’t even begun making her rounds yet, but he appreciated that she politely excused herself for a few moments rather than lash out or get angry with him. Something like that he’d have imagined Lily to do, like she did with James after he upset her by teasing Severus and getting Remus into trouble. Thalia sat down and moved the book to her lap as she did when Remus first joined her, only now she stared at the cover instead of making eye contact with him.

“Sorry. I guess I was hearing things. She wasn’t there and I don’t have any chocolate.” She said quietly as she traced the bindings of her book with her fingers. Remus was thankful for the second chance. He knew he needed to maintain boundaries for himself that no one would discover him too easily, but pushing people away wasn’t going to do him any favours, especially someone as sweet as her. He smiled and reached for his knapsack and opened it to pull out a box of chocolates his mother got him over the holiday.

“That’s alright. I’ve got some to share if you’d like one.” He replied, earning a look from her that was both relieved and thankful as a small smile returned to her face when she nodded. The subject of her father had been completely dropped for the rest of the train ride, and the pair spent the remainder of the trip talking about nonsense like the strange ghost stories that have since come up of the Shrieking Shack or how much they enjoyed school.

Talking with her was different than talking to the others. He didn’t have to worry about constantly having to prove himself like he would with James and Sirius, didn’t feel the need to prepare witty comebacks to stick up for Peter when they teased, and didn’t always feel so nervous and sweaty as if he were talking to Lily. Though he would never admit it to them, it had been the second time Thalia was a welcome break. While it was oddly settling to hear about the horror stories being made up about the most haunted house in Britain, he never entertained the thought of letting Thalia know that the truth behind them was how a boy spent his days when he was ill. Her friendship was one he intended on keeping.

 

After they returned, the days trickled by before more and more students returned from their holiday season. The full moon spent on new years eve was the least stressful by far since there were no classes to miss, and Remus wasn’t at all well known enough that anyone would have missed him for a day they already had off of classes. When he returned to the boy’s dormitory from the Hospital wing, the familiar sight of the boys all sitting on their beds with James mid-story greeted him. He assumed they all must have arrived the night before while he was out creating stories for the people of Hogsmeade. When James caught sight of him, he pulled a cracker from underneath his pillow and pulled a string, the fireworks spelling out the number 1972 in big red lettering.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” He shouted, followed by the other two, who also had the exact same crackers and seemed all too excited to make as much noise as possible. In the middle of his jumps and giggles from all of the loud noises, Peter reached out to hand Remus a cracker of his own. All of the looked at him expectantly to pull the string like dogs all waiting for a slab of meat to be dropped from a dinner plate before Remus finally gave into the temptation. The cracker popped and the year fizzled up and out in front of him as he shouted Happy New Year with the same gusto as the others, making them all laugh.

 


	10. An Unseen Discovery

The holiday had gone exactly as they predicted as they all talked about theirs over the next few days in the boys dormitory. Peter and Remus had relatively normal visits with their family as they said they would, and all of them still fascinated that Remus celebrated his without any sort of self-caroling trees or hardworking house-elves. Of course, Remus didn’t have a very good idea exactly what house elves were but was clear on the fact that Christmas in the wizarding world wasn’t quite complete if they weren’t constantly shuffling around with food or bins for trash.

Sirius talked about his Christmas with as much contempt as he did before he left. Apparently the dinner went exactly as expected with all of the predicted company, including the Malfoys. He talked about how his family made up for not sending a howler by telling him how much of a disappointment he was for not being sorted into Slytherin, a notion that immediately reminded Remus of Mr. Winsor. He wasn’t quite sure why it was so important to pureblood families like his for Slytherin to be the only house, especially since James and Peter were sorted into Gryffindor too. Sirius continued on talking as if it didn’t faze him. Perhaps he truly didn’t care about what his family thought about him, but Remus knew if he were ever told how much of a disappointment he was by his parents, he’d be taking it a lot worse.

James turned the mood around by starting with how his Aunt did not in fact join them as he feared, but that he did get something incredible for Christmas. Naturally, the others leaned in as he spoke, especially since before he went on, he had to look over his shoulder to make sure the other boys in the dormitory weren’t listening in.

“I got something pretty amazing.” He said, his voice only just above a whisper. “It’s a cloak of invisibility.”

“No way.” Said Peter, making the others shush him for being so loud before he continued. “What in the world would you need with one of those?” He asked. Remus agreed, as it was a legitimate question to ask. Giving an eleven year old a cloak of invisibility seemed like a pretty irresponsible thing to do.

“Way. Mum and dad both wrapped it up extra fancy. Said it was a family tradition or something to have it passed on.” James said, puffing out his chest as Peter looked at him in awe. “Guess it means I’m a man now.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, mate.” Sirius joked, making James elbow him hard in the ribs. Remus still remained skeptical about the whole thing. It wouldn’t have been the first time James came up with a ridiculous story to one up on the rest of them.

“Can we see it?” He asked. James face fell from his dopey smile to furrowing his brow. “I mean, if we can. I know you said it’s a cloak of invisibility, so…“

“No.” He answered back quickly. “I wasn’t allowed to bring it to school since I got in trouble a few months ago.” Remus nodded, rolling his eyes afterwards as he shook his head. Something told him a cloak that would render anyone invisible was a stretch even in the wizarding world.

“So what you’re saying is you’ve snuck it in your trunk anyway.” Sirius deadpanned.

“Sirius, what kind of disobedient child do you take me for?” James asked, placing his hand on his chest. “Honestly, I’m insulted.”

 

*   *   *

 

The most difficult part of returning from winter holiday was getting back into the swing of classes. It was as if all of the teachers expected everything to fall out of their heads with all of the homework assignments being given and the school year being on its final stretch, preparation for exams was the basis of their classes. The boys all sat around a table in the library for a study session in order to chip away at the mountains of work. It all started well since it was clear none of them wanted to repeat their first year, but after an hour or so was when focus started to slip.

Sirius was the first to break when he leaned back in his chair and kicked his feet up on the table, groaning about how there was too much reading. James was next as his concentration shifted from jotting notes to balancing his quill on his nose shortly after, then Peter, who was making an honest attempt to not lose his focus, was now bumping his head on the table into his textbooks, clearly trying to see if the information would seep into his brain if it were pounded in. Even Remus who was usually the most studious of the four could feel his attention slipping away when he caught himself reading the same sentence about Wiggenweld potions five times.

“Break time?” Peter asked, breaking the silence. The rest of them let out a collective yes and pushed their books farther out in front of them.

“I think my brain is going to explode.” Said James

“At least then you’d be excused from the exams.” Remus replied. The look of consideration on James’ face afterwards would have concerned him if he weren’t sharing the same hope.

Slowly Remus’ attention span wandered around the library at the endless shelves off books lining the walls until he stopped at the mysterious dark corner of the restricted section. His curiosity tugged at the back of his mind again as a flicker of the books of monsters flashed in front of his eyes, making him want to open the gates barring the students off to see if he could pound all of the secrets in his head as Peter was trying to do with their Transfiguration notes.

“Hello? Anyone home?” Sirius asked, waving his hand in front of Remus’ face. Remus snapped his attention back forward, noticing the other start to pack their things. “Come on, let’s go get some dinner downstairs.”

“Oh, sorry. I think I’m going to stay back for a little bit to finish up. I’ll catch up later though.” He replied, making Sirius roll his eyes before replying,

“Whatever, mate. Suit yourself.” He said as they all left and waved him goodbye, leaving him on his own.

        

After they left Remus brought out his transfiguration textbook to start over on the work again in hopes that maybe working in a subject he enjoyed more would help him focus more at the task at hand instead of the impossible. Just as he was finishing up, the parchment was snatched from underneath his quill, causing a long black line get drawn down the middle. Frustrated, Remus looked up thinking it was James or Sirius back to convince him to come downstairs or to take a break and head back to the common room, when instead he was met with a completely different group of students.

Sterling Avery was stood next to him reading his notes out loud and laughing along with his two friends on either side of him, friends Remus didn’t care to catch the names of or remember. His frustration took a different turn as he felt himself turn pink and gripe at his notes, only for Avery to hold it farther out of reach for him.

“Aww, what’s the matter? Didn’t your muggle mummy tell you that sharing is caring?” he taunted in a low voice, making the others giggle. “You’d be doing me a favour, I wasn’t planning on starting this for a while.” Remus felt his face get even hotter.

“Give it back, Sterling.” He said, snatching at it again too slowly.

“No please either? She must not have taught you any manners either.” He crumpled up the parchment and tossed it back to him, all of the fresh ink smudged. It was clear he’d have to start from the beginning if he wanted professor McGonagall to take it seriously or even accept it. He felt a hard lump form in his throat.

“What is your problem?” Remus asked, raising his voice. He started quickly packing all of his things to leave the library as soon as possible after the altercation was over. “I haven’t done anything to you.” Avery shrugged and folded his arms.

“Maybe not everyone wants to be friends with you, Lupin. Prats like you who parade around with purebloods like you’re one of us are the scum of the earth.” Remus felt himself shrink back. He wanted to yell at him that he didn’t know anything about his friendship with the others, but he knew all Sterling was looking for was an argument, and he didn’t want to make a difficult situation any worse. Instead he let himself seethe while packing as he continued to taunt him while his friends goaded him on. “What? Don’t have anything big and tough to say when your friends aren’t around? Aren’t Gryffindors supposed to be brave and bold? I think you’re in the wrong house.” He laughed, taking Remus’ seat as he walked as quickly as possible out of the library.

        

The sting of tears hit his eyes and the pull in his throat stiffened as he walked up the staircase back to the Gryffindor common room, doing his best not to cry. Even though Sterling was back in the library, Remus didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of even getting the idea that he got to him. He felt so stupid getting upset. If he was on the verge of tears over bullies like Sterling, how was he supposed to prove to even bigger jerks like Mr. Malfoy that he could prove him wrong? He wiped his eyes with his robe sleeves and adjusted the knapsack over his shoulder again as he approached the portrait of the Fat Lady, making sure to fix his face before muttering the password.

Remus kept himself alone in the boy’s dormitory, taking out a new roll of parchment in order to copy down the work Avery ruined so that his work in the library didn’t feel like a complete waste. He would have joined the others downstairs in the hall since it would have seemed to do much better for his mood, but he didn’t want to risk them seeing him upset. Even while he sat writing, he could hear Sterling’s taunts echoing through his head like one of his mother’s old records. He had to be careful not to dwell on them too much to make sure he didn’t accidentally start writing them instead of his assignment.

As he flipped to the other side of the page, he jumped after hearing the door creak at the edge of the room.

“Scared you?” James said, flashing him a crooked smile as he tossed his bag over next to his own bed.

“Startled me.” Remus corrected, looking back down and scribbling. “Where’s…?”

“Sirius challenged Peter to a pie eating contest. I’m sure they’ll be rolling up the stairs soon.” He replied, the smile practically showing in the tone of his voice. “S’matter with you? Wait, are you _still_ working on all of that homework?” Remus shrugged and kept writing. He kept thinking about how if he told James the real reason why he was in such a sour mood, it would have only proved Sterling right.

“Nothing. And yeah, I don’t want to get any poor marks. Or repeat first year—”

“You’re going to make us look bad if you don’t prove Severus wrong with the ‘brawns over brains’ thing about Gryffindor, you know.” Remus knew James was only trying to help in cheering him up, so he didn’t make it obvious that his comment made him feel marginally worse.

“Yeah well, one of us needs to balance us out since half of us are going to have pie for brains.” He muttered, not expecting James to giggle as much as he did.

“Hey, I think I might have something that’ll cheer you up.” Remus kept his stare down to his parchment that he was almost done copying down as he listened to James rustle around his trunk at the edge of his bed. “Look at me. I’m missing an arm.” The peculiarity of the statement was enough to make Remus look up. He felt his face shift in horror at the realization that James was not exaggerating.

“James, where— how did… your arm?” He stammered, unable to form complete sentences as he got up from his bed to walk over to him to get a better look.

“I told you I got one. Isn’t it great?” He grasped at thin air above his arm and moved what looked like a liquid fabric over his shoulder to cover his other so that he looked as though he had an armless torso. Remus got more and more excited as yet again the wizarding world didn’t fail to surprise him, despite his initial skepticism on James’ cloak. “I figure it’s big enough for maybe three of us at a time so if we wanted to play tricks or pretend to be ghosts, it’d be great.”

“You’re actually invisible.” Remus said, still too amazed to fathom what James just said.

“Yeah I know. What’d you expect?” He laughed. He slipped the cloak from his shoulders and it emerged into a silvery, flowing material with different astrological designs and runes in the fabric. He tossed it over to Remus who caught it in his hands, noticing first how light the cloak was despite its size. He looked back up to James, who was now encouraging him to try it on. “I’ve done it loads of times already. Now I kind of want to see how it looks to other people.” Remus nodded and smiled, turning the cloak out of its slight folds to drape it over his body and face. He looked up to James who was still staring at him but with a much more distant look, like he was quite literally looking through him.

From what Remus could tell, from underneath the cloak it looked as though a thin lining of lace only covered him. It was hard to believe that he’d completely vanished if not for James’ expression. He lifted the hood from his head, earning another giggle from James since now he was sure he looked like a floating head. He laughed in reply before taking the cloak off completely and handing it back to him.

“I thought you said your parents didn’t let you take it back to school?” He asked as James folded it up again.

“Right. Well they don’t know yet.” He replied as he walked over to his trunk, placing it at the bottom and stuffing all of his other changes of clothes and things on top of it so it was hidden. Remus felt himself frown. “Oh don’t give me that look, it’s my cloak now anyway.”

“You’re going to get in even more trouble, you know.” Said Remus, genuinely concerned for him. James always struck him as the type of person who would rather be scolded a hundred times than have to deal with an ounce of disappointment from anyone, if at least not from teachers, then definitely his parents. “I mean, won’t they be mad?”

“Maybe.” James shrugged. “Well, probably not. It certainly wasn’t under lock and key when I nicked it. Besides, it’s worth it since you’re not sitting on your bed moping anymore.” James shut his trunk and smiled at him as he adjusted his glasses. He never really thought of it before, but in that moment Remus was incredibly thankful for James for bringing him out of his mood. It was refreshing to see a side of him that wasn’t all about showing off to him and the others. “Just wait until Sirius and Peter find out.” He said, looking over his shoulder to make sure they weren’t there before lowering his voice. “I was going to put it on and mush their faces in the pies they were stuffing their faces with.”

“…You were going to travel all the way to Gryffindor tower, then all the way back to the great hall, then _all_ the way back to Gryffindor tower, just for a practical joke?” Remus deadpanned, making sure he didn’t make it sound at all like a question.

“Well it sounds stupid when you say it like that… But it would have been funny. Could you imagine the looks on their faces?” He replied, making Remus roll his eyes. He didn’t want to admit that he agreed.

 

Remus woke up later that night in a cold sweat. The nightmares had all been the same for the past few days, all having to do with the man in the shadows holding the book of monsters and smashing the book shut with Remus inside of it and turning him into the grotesque monster in the werewolf chapter. He turned over on his other side so that his back was to Peter who was still sleeping soundly, if his soft snores were anything to go by. He was getting frustrated with himself that despite having no evidence that either the book or the man existed in months, that both were still nagging at the back of his mind and making him lose sleep. It was like a splinter was being wedged into his brain that couldn’t be sated until he could put his hands on it again. He turned over again that he was laying face up looking at the moonlit canopy, trying to let his mind go blank so that he could fall asleep again. If only there was a way to see it, even if it was just for one more time…

The idea struck him like lightning as he darted to a sitting position on his bed. It was a long shot, but using James’ cloak of invisibility to get into the library was a perfect way to satisfy his curiosity. He would slip in and out unnoticed and be back in time for breakfast. The only trick was figuring out how to use it without James knowing and getting upset with him. Remus felt his hesitation manifest in his gut like he’d swallowed ten stones as he looked over to James lying sound asleep in his bed. Only hours ago his friend had gone out of his way to bring Remus out of a slump, and now he was seconds away from stealing something of his for his own selfish reasons.

But it wasn’t _truly_ selfish. There was something about the book that Remus knew wasn’t right. He swung his legs over his bed and quietly slipped into his sneakers, stalking quietly over to James trunk. As he rummaged, he justified to himself what he was doing. If James knew what he was after, he would understand… but he couldn’t know so long as Remus held his secret. He felt another pain in his stomach wondering about how if James truly knew, or even Peter or Sirius for that matter, if remaining friends was something that would stay on the table for them.

After sifting as quickly and quietly as possible, Remus finally grasped the silky material of James’ cloak; looking up at the bed to make sure he hadn’t woken up by chance. He carefully shut the trunk and stood to his feet to drape the cloak over himself as he did earlier so that he had the film of lace in front of his face. He stood still for a moment, still letting the doubt he felt tug at him to stay in the dormitory. On one hand, he was breaking a serious school rule about sneaking out passed curfew, and professor McGonagall already gave him a fierce warning about getting into trouble.

On the other it would also be the perfect way to prove Avery wrong that he really did belong in Gryffindor, that he had enough guts to do what he wanted just like the rest of them. He knew that even though he kept his mission a secret and that he’d never have anything to show for it, proving it to himself that he had the nerve to do it would be enough for him too. After making sure he grabbed his own map to prevent getting lost in the castle at night like last time, snuck towards the door and used every bit of concentration he had to not make a sound as he shut it behind him to make sure the cloak didn’t get snagged in the door.

 

The castle was like a different place at night. None of the torches were lit, so the only source of light was the moon peeking through the windows. It was eerily quiet too. Instead of the portraits dull chatter keeping the staircases lively, their mixed snores were the only thing serving as background noise. Remus looked down to his map, holding it at an angle towards the moonlight so that he could see what detours would get him to the library the fastest since the stairs had long since halted in their own order. Now that he’d been in the school for a considerably longer amount of time than before, he was relieved at how much easier it was to get around without feeling lost or too scared. His only hope now was that his nerve wouldn’t fail him as the closer he arrived to the library, the more he could feel his hands start to shake and heart beating faster.

Eventually, after sneaking passed and maneuvering through the patrolling prefects, teachers, and different corridors, Remus finally approached the double doors of the library. He checked over his shoulder to make sure he wasn’t being watched, then felt his heart pound in his ears as he gripped the handle to enter once the coast was clear. Before pulling the doors open, he felt a chill run down his spine as he rested his hands on the grips. It wasn’t the same feeling as being cold or feeling a draft, but something that ran deeper through his bones, enough to make him let go. The sensation wasn’t new to him, as it was the same chill that he felt just before he blacked out during his transformations.

After letting go of the handle and pulled the cloak tightly around himself, spooked by the feeling and worried he would pass out at any moment or worse. He quickly turned on his heel in an irrational hunch to head right to the hospital wing when a dull hum in his ears pierced the silence, completely deterring him from his mission. It didn’t sound as though it were in his head or simply filling the castle, but as though it were coming from a specific direction like a beacon. He looked around to find the source of the noise when his eyes stopped on a patrolling prefect in the general direction he could hear it coming from. He scratched his ear while he watched her as she carried on normally, realising that no one else could probably hear it but him.

After further sneaking and drawing closer to the source of the humming, Remus felt the same chill again. He found himself in front of a new door now, a door that he’d used rather frequently. He gripped the handle again and quietly swung the door open to the familiar sight of the scattered desks and cushions of Professor Zilar’s classroom. Remus treaded towards the desk at the front of the room where from what he could tell was exactly where the noise was coming from. He shed the cloak and placed it in a bundle on the professor’s chair to get a better look. He bent forward and put his ear to the desk to find out where exactly the object making the noise was hiding when his anticipation bundled up so tightly that he haphazardly opened the first drawer, making a loud clunking noise that echoed around the room that Remus was sure the entire school had to have heard.

A distinct rustling came from beyond the door at the top of the stairs behind the desk, practically giving Remus whiplash from how quickly he turned his head. He began to panic as he quickly put the drawer back into place as best he could before he heard the creak of the hinges reverberate loudly. He swung the cloak back over to make himself unseen again as he heard soft footsteps make their way down the stairs.

Professor Zilar was out of his teaching robes, but still in his regular clothes. He yawned and ran his fingers through his hair as he stood behind his desk with his back to Remus, who was now using every fiber of his being to not make a sound. It didn’t take until after he was on the verge of being caught to regret sneaking out of the dormitory with his friend’s stolen cloak that was probably breaking a hundred school rules for even having inside the castle walls. He felt his heart beat faster and the hum grow louder in his ears, practically driving him mad before a loud click came from the Professor’s desk. Remus refocused his attention away from being caught and noticed Zilar reach under his desk, making another loud clicking noise before opening a drawer that Remus was sure wasn’t there when he gave the desk a once over the first time.

The professor reached inside and pulled out the source of the humming sound, the book of monsters. The noise ceased at his touch.

At first Remus didn’t quite believe what he was seeing, but he knew for sure it was the same leather-bound book. Once he got passed the fact that his Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was holding the exact thing that was driving him crazy thinking about for months, he thought about why that might be. He tried coming up with a solution that made sense to him in his head as his hands shook slightly from making sure the cloak was wrapped secure around him. Realistically he knew that something like that was probably safest in his hands anyway since who else would know what to do with it. He thought about Hagrid too, but he didn’t think Hagrid knew much about Latin to be able to get much more out of it than from the pictures, just as Remus did in the library.

Nevertheless, the coincidence was still almost as unsettling as when he drew one for Mr. Winsor, if not more. The professor was one of a handful of people in the school who knew about Remus’ secret, and the fact that he had a book in his hands that had a chapter of werewolves made his stomach churn. It wasn’t a stretch to know Zilar could understand every word written in the pages, and even though Remus knew it should have made him feel more comfortable, it didn’t. He couldn’t trust professor Zilar the same way he could trust professor Dumbledore or madam Pomfrey, not since he found out that he’d exposed him to magic on his first transformation at school with the knowledge it would only make things worse.

Zilar turned his head behind him looking at Remus, completely snapping him from his train of thought and making him forget for a moment that he was invisible. His eyes peered through him and scanned the rest of the room before he put the book back into the secret drawer and tap his desk twice with his hand, making it click twice again loudly before yawning and heading back up the stairs. Remus waited for the rustling behind the door to settle before dashing light-footed to the door to head back to the common room.

 

He didn’t bother wasting time closing the door behind him. If anything, Remus was thankful the castle was much better lit that he had a clear path to rush back to the dormitory without making too much noise. He found himself in the fifth floor corridor again, going much slower now to catch his breath now that there weren’t as many prefects or teachers on patrol. It felt like he’d been gone for hours the way his head was reeling from what he saw. The conversation Professor Dumbledore had with him in his family the night he invited him to study at Hogwarts kept replaying in his head like a broken record, about how the teachers were there to help him… that it would be absolutely absurd for any of them to put him in danger.

 

Remus couldn’t believe his luck at the sight of the first patrol of Gryffindor prefects coming his way to enter through the portrait just as he reached the top of the stairs. He shuffled quietly behind them, following them through the portrait hole and into the common room where the next prefects were waiting to take their turn patrolling the halls. As they chatted, Remus yawned walking towards the spiral staircase leading to the boy’s dormitory. He didn’t realise how tired he was from staying awake or how exhausting being invisible while sneaking around could be. He gently opened the door, being careful not to make the hinges creak before walking into the familiar sight of the dormitory. Never had the sight of his messy bed been such a beautiful spectacle before.

The clock on the wall read four in the morning, which made him want to groan about how long he’d been gone and how much sleep he’d missed. He took off the cloak and held it up in front of him to make sure there weren’t any rips or tears before slipping off his sneakers and tiptoeing to James’ trunk. Remus folded the cloak into a bundle in his hands and rummaged around the mess of clothes again to dig towards the bottom where he’d put the cloak as he found it. The creak of the bed made Remus quickly look up to see his friend lazily rubbing his eyes and sporting a very untidy bedhead.

“What are you doing?” He moaned, making Remus jump as he reached for his glasses and blinked several times to get the sleep out of his eyes. “… Why are you looking in my trunk, Remus?”

“I was just...” Remus started, trying to think quickly on his feet before pulling out a small bundle of gray cloth and holding it up. “I was just going to steal a pair of socks for class tomorrow. All of mine are dirty, so… Please don’t be mad.” James squinted and tilted his head. Remus just hoped he was too tired to not buy it. Despite worrying whether James would question what he was really doing or not, the only thing that came to mind was when Mr. Filch told him he needed to be a better liar.

“What time is it? This couldn’t wait?” He asked exasperatedly.

“I didn’t think you’d wake up in the middle of the night and catch me.”

“Fair point. Do I have extras?”

“Erm… _Yes_.” Remus said, looking down to notice that James actually did have a lot of extra pairs of clean socks. He assumed he stuck to one pair that he wore until washing day, which would have explained the odd smell. He was suddenly very thankful for the blanket James was under. He yawned and took of his glasses again before plopping his face down into his pillow with a light thud.

“Then sure, you can use them.” Whispered James loudly enough that Remus could hear him very clearly, but still quiet enough as to not wake anyone else. “Dunno why you didn’t just ask.” Remus felt his cheeks get hot as the irony in his words set in along with the guilt that he just got away from truly stealing from one of his friends.

He couldn’t help the nagging feeling of disappointment in the back of his mind underneath the guilt. Sneaking around helped him find the book, which he knew he should have been satisfied with since that’s ultimately what he set out to do, but he still felt like his efforts didn’t matter. The only remotely positive thing that came from his night was proving to himself that he had what it took to even do it, that the sorting hat rightfully placed him in Gryffindor for being so brave and bold and showing nerves of steel. That Sterling was wrong. Now that he was back in the safety of the dormitory, he didn’t quite know if the feeling alone was worth it. Anyone can be anything when they’re invisible.

He quietly walked over and settled to his own bed, still too tired and exhausted to keep his eyes open, yet he couldn’t get the image of his professor holding up the book of monsters out of his head despite everything else he was feeling. He stared at the canopy above him before drifting off to sleep again, wondering what would have happened to him had he not been invisible and Zilar found out someone had discovered he was hiding something. He thought of his face when he turned to look around the room, eyes looking right at Remus as though he knew he was there.

 

Of all of the teachers cracking down for examinations coming up, Professor McGonagall was by far the worst. She was militaristic in her reviews and lessons to the point where they were all sure she’d have them muttering incantations in their sleep. In the classroom, the pressure to succeed was so intense that everyone either couldn’t produce the proper spell, or in Sirius’ case, produce far too much and almost cause a catastrophe. After setting a small fire to James’ classwork, she dismissed them all for the day.

“Well,” Remus started as they made their way to the hall for dinner. “I think that lesson went rather well.”

“Yes I completely agree, you know, aside from Sirius almost blowing up his mouse.” Snickered James. “What d’you think, Pettigrew? Learn anything useful?”

“I think the poor creature wouldn’t have deserved it. We’ll be getting passing marks for sure.” Peter said sarcastically, making the others giggle.

“Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad.” Sirius interjected, still brushing the soot from his nose and making sure he’d ruffled the singes from his messy hair. He walked in front and turned around so he could speak to them. “You have to admit it was pretty cool. You should have seen the look on McGonagall’s face when—“ Sirius was cut off when he bumped into someone as they rounded the corner from the staircase corridor before reaching the hall.

“Hello young Mister Black.” Said the silky voice of a man, cutting him off mid-sentence. A startled Sirius practically jumped out of his skin and turned around immediately. Before Remus even looked up to see whom the voice belonged to, a familiar chill made him feel like all of the blood ran cold through his body as he recognized it straightaway. Abraxas Malfoy stood in front of them, still looking as slick as sharp as he remembered in his all-black tailored suit. “Glad to see we are wisely taking advantage of our time studying at school and the… _company_ you’ve been keeping.” He flicked his eyes to Remus’ for a moment before looking over to James and Peter, who were both didn’t bother making eye contact at all. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I must meet with Professor Dumbledore. Give your parents my best.” He nodded to them and walked through them towards the staircase.

“What the bloody hell is _he_ doing here?” Sirius grumbled.

“Yeah, I hate that guy, he gives me the creeps.” Said James. Sirius and Remus nodded in agreement while Peter shrugged.

“I don’t know. I doubt it’s just for tea with the Headmaster.” Remus said quietly. James scoffed before speaking again.

“Whatever the reason, I’m glad he’s out of our faces now. If he stayed another minute or two I would have really let him have it.” As usual, Sirius agreed, Peter looked impressed, and Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes since he knew if he did so every time James said something similar he’d have chronic headaches. “I mean honestly, even in person he has the same, you know, ‘ _up to something’_ look.” Remus couldn’t help but agree. Seeing Malfoy within school walls outside of the Daily Prophet made him feel uncomfortable. He knew the reason he was there was because of him, despite not holding his gaze for more than half a second. Remus turned to look over his shoulder and watched Malfoy walk up the stairs towards the third floor corridor, also knowing that if he were truly were here for him that it couldn’t be for good reason.

 


	11. Zilar's Secret

After their brief interaction with Malfoy, Remus was sure it was only a matter of time until he was called into the headmaster’s office. Sure enough, after their potions lesson, Professor Slughorn called for him to stay back only to inform him that his presence was requested immediately by Professor Dumbledore.

Again.

“I’d offer to escort you myself of course, but discretion was requested…” the professor awkwardly bumbled as he stacked papers, keeping minimal eye contact. “I trust you know the way? Perhaps I can lend you directions?”

“That’s alright sir, I’ll be fine. I know you’re busy with exams coming up soon too, so—“

“Too right! Good lad. I’ll let him know you are on your way.” He interrupted sounding very relieved. “The password is Gobstone, by the way.” Remus smiled and excused himself after thanking professor Slughorn, feeling an awkward shudder creep through the room just before he shut the door behind him. He was used to Professor Slughorn being so cautious around him that the gracelessness between them stopped bothering him months ago. At least enough to not make him as self-conscious anymore.

As he sifted up the staircases weaving through the students, Remus prepared his nerves for the meeting. He tried not focusing on the fact that the last time he’d met with Abraxas Malfoy, he’d had blood drawn and talked down to for registering himself as a werewolf. After all, the very fact that they were meeting in the castle while he was enrolled as a student was accomplishment enough for him to have more confidence instead of rash boldness. When he approached the gargoyle he made a silent promise to himself to not let Malfoy under his skin.

“Gobstones.” He muttered, making the gargoyle shift in its place and the familiar spiral staircase formed in front of him.

 

“He will be here shortly.” Remus could hear professor Dumbledore say as he entered the room through the walkway. Malfoy was facing the headmaster with his back to Remus, sighing impatiently before speaking.

“Yes, a good while ago… you know I don’t like to be kept waiting, Dumbledore.” Remus bit his tongue and fought the urge to clear his throat to keep his silent promise. He Headmaster caught sight of him and smiled.

“Here he is now.” He said, making Malfoy turn his head to watch Remus walk up and stand next to him. “Thank you for meeting us here. You’ve met Abraxas Malfoy?”

“Yes sir. He… helped with my registration.” He replied, making Malfoy chuckle. Remus fought the urge to wrinkle his nose again at the pungency of his aftershave.

“Indeed, we are _acquainted_.” Said Malfoy, now toying with the end of his walking stick. “I’m here by request of the minister herself to check on the progress of this little experiment. To make sure all is going well and there haven’t been any unfortunate casualties being swept under the rug.”

“I haven’t hurt anyone.” Remus piped up, earning their full attention. “I- I mean, when I’m not ill I don’t want to, and when I am, I’m far away enough that I can’t—“

“It’s all right, Remus.” Said Dumbledore, holding up his hand to stop him. “I wanted you to join us to share how _you_ think the year is going so far.”

“Oh.” Suddenly his mind went blank. He’d been preparing for a completely different conversation than small-talk. “I er, think it’s going good. Like, _really_ good.” He said, clearing his throat after Dumbledore smiled at him from looking over his half moon spectacles. “I’ve been keeping my grades up, even with missing classes. My professors help me catch up sometimes, and my friends help me too. I think I’m doing better than them, actually…” He trailed off, moving his hair slightly over his face out of instinct. “I haven’t told any of them though, I know how important it is to keep it secret. Even though it’s hard sometimes, I think it’s been working—“

“Yes, being confined in a broken down shack with paper-thin enchantments from a do-it-yourself spellbook seems to suffice now until it won’t anymore.” Said Malfoy, making Remus bite his tongue. “Then again, that’s why you have your failsafe, right Headmaster?”

“I assure you as I assured the minister, if there were any incidents, the ministry would be notified right away, and the situation would be dealt with.” Said Dumbledore, giving Remus an uncomfortable squirm in his stomach. His mind went back to when Malfoy first mentioned about a severe punishment should he hurt anyone, and he didn’t like the fact that it was something the headmaster agreed to… or the fact that there was something he’d set in place to carry it out if he heard Malfoy correctly. He felt his palms start to sweat and he fidgeted with his robe sleeves out of nerves.

“Hm. Well, in that case, you won’t mind if I observe conditions in-between your little field trips.” He turned his head to look at Remus. “If you’re truly as harmless as the headmaster believes—“

“That will be fine, Abraxas.” Said the familiar voice of Professor Zilar, walking in to join them. “You’ll see that everything is under control here. Unless you plan on spending most of your time observing Lupin in the library prepare for his exams, I don’t expect you’ll get the result you’re looking for.” He sauntered over to join them standing at the headmaster’s desk while rolling up his sleeves. Remus felt himself tense as couldn’t pick between the two men standing on either side of him whom he disliked more.

“Ah, Ellis. Thank you so much for joining us.” Said Professor Dumbledore. Professor Zilar nodded to him then to Remus before the headmaster spoke again. “If you could escort Abraxas through the grounds and procedure? I’m sure he would feel much more at ease if you should do so.”

“Of course. What are old friends for?” said professor Zilar, earning sneer from Malfoy. The two departed, leaving Remus alone with Dumbledore. Remus refrained from taking a seat even after hearing the stone staircase shift in case he was dismissed.

“You must grow tired of walking up the staircase to my office.” Said Dumbledore, breaking their silence with a soft smile. Remus smiled in return, ruffling his hair over his face at the realization. “I couldn’t help but notice that Professor Zilar unsettles you.”

“Sir?” He replied, being caught completely off guard for the second time by the headmaster.

“Forgive me, just an observation. Though I’m curious as to why?”

“It’s nothing.” He lied. Uncomfortable as he was with his Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Remus was in no position to be picky over the people who were handpicked to help him. He didn’t want to seem ungrateful even though the Professor rubbed him the wrong way. Though, he knew if the headmaster noticed something, he’d need some sort of cover. “I think it may just be what I’ve heard from other students.” Dumbledore nodded in understanding.

“I assure you,” He started, looking at Remus from above his half moon spectacles again. “Despite what you’ve heard or what you may hear, your safety is paramount. I would not allow someone in these walls who would be a threat to any of the students, and you are no exception.”

The notion was slightly reassuring, but the image of professor Zilar pulling out the book of monsters was blocking him from accepting his words completely. He knew if there was anyone he could trust it was Dumbledore, but he couldn’t ignore his own instincts either. He then thought that perhaps he was being too harsh in his judgment. After all, as much as everyone speaks about Zilar, they equally speak about Dumbledore. If there was one thing that was constant, it was that nothing went on in the castle that the headmaster wasn’t aware of.

“Can I ask you something, sir?” Remus asked, fidgeting his fingers. “Has anyone ever… broken into Hogwarts before?” He felt the silent pressure fill the air though it only lasted a few seconds.

“What makes you ask, Remus?” Dumbledore asked as he straightened his beard and walked around his desk. Remus felt like another heavy stone dropped in his insides. He hoped for a simple yes or no rather than ask why. He’d already been dishonest once today with him, and it wasn’t a habit he intended on making.

“I thought I saw someone here I didn’t recognize. A man who didn’t look like a teacher and he wasn’t a ghost.” He said quietly. It was the first time he said anything about it aloud before, and the words felt odd leaving his mouth. Dumbledore ‘hmm’d before speaking again.

“I see. Did you happen to see this man’s face?” Feeling even sillier, Remus shook his head.

“Maybe it’s nothing.” He bounced back quickly. “I— I have bad dreams sometimes after my transformations. I might just be seeing things.”

“Perhaps… Nevertheless, I will look into it. Now, off you go. I’ve kept you long enough.”

 

Remus scaled the staircases down to the great hall only to find his friends must have long since left and were probably relaxing in the common room thinking he was off studying in the library. He thought of turning around to join them when a nasty growl in his stomach urged him to grab something to eat. He scanned the hall for a place to sit when his eyes locked onto a familiar face reading a spell book with her red hair scrunched into a ponytail. He smiled as he approached her, knowing it’d been too long since he’d had a conversation with Lily.

“Has McGonagall gotten you so worked up for exams that you’re studying between bites?” He asked, prompting her to look up at him and return a bright smile.

“Professor Zilar, actually. I’ve been trying to get a head start on his assignment.” She replied, tucking some stray hairs behind her ear. Remus refrained from groaning, as the subject of Zilar seemed almost impossible to escape. “I think I’ll be halfway done in a few days at this rate… I don’t think I’m very good at this class.”

“I’m sure it’ll get easier as we go on. Plus, you’re farther along than I am. I haven’t even started his work yet.” He admitted as he piled some dinner rolls onto his plate.

“No? That’s surprising. I thought you’d have been done with it by now considering how well you do.” Remus felt himself blush when she spoke, fixing his hair over his face to hide the colour.

“I… do alright.” He replied sheepishly.

“Well, I think you do better than most. I think the professor knows it too. A couple times when you were sick he got on your friends to pick up the slack.” Hearing that made him straighten up a little in his seat. Whenever he was in class, Professor Zilar didn’t show any favour towards him that he could tell. From what he understood, it was very much the opposite. Now that he was thinking about it, there hadn’t really been a repeated incident of when he hastened his transformation at the beginning of the year. He slowly started losing his appetite.

“They’ve… never mentioned that before.”

“Well, that’s _not_ surprising.” She giggled. “Sort of fascinating though, isn’t he?”

“The Professor?”

“Yeah. He’s got that mysterious thing about him, you know?”

“It’s a little frustrating if you ask me.”

“Only because you don’t know what it is. I love a bit of secrecy. It makes him more interesting I think, especially to listen to.” Lily mused, twirling the end of her ponytail with her quill. Remus pondered if she felt the same way about him knowing he had mysteries of his own. “Don’t you ever wonder which rumors are true about him? Marlene says she would hear different things all of the time.” He quickly snapped himself from the idea as she spoke, deciding not to entertain the notion since obviously there was a difference in him and the professor that he knew he shouldn’t bother competing with.

“What kinds of things?” He asked. “I mean, how many secrets can someone have?” Lily shrugged before continuing on, now totally distracted from her work.

“Just things. That he’s an ex-auror, that the ministry of Magic would hire him after he resigned to do special tasks, that he’s tamed dragons…” Remus felt a sour taste in his mouth. He didn’t see the big deal about whatever an auror was, plus his father worked for the ministry in a department that pretty much specialised in dragons anyway. “She even said she heard one of the older students say he’s gone toe to toe with vampires and werewolves.” He bristled at the word. It wasn’t too often that he’d hear it out loud. Even his parents, the professors, and madam Pomfrey never referred to him as what he was. Usually the term ‘affliction’ or ‘illness’ was used in its stead. Hearing Lily even say it out of the context of him still made him feel more uncomfortable than it should have, like he was being exposed. He broke off and ate a piece of his dinner roll despite his now far gone hunger seemed to him now.

“Makes you wonder which is true.” He said, hoping he wasn’t too obvious in his attempt to deflect.

“Exactly. I wonder if anyone’s ever even asked. I know he’s only been around since the start of this year, but he seems like the type of fellow that wouldn’t mind sharing a story or two.”

“And spoil the mystery?” He teased; smiling and earning a nose wrinkle from Lily in confirmation that she’d much rather keep the unknown intact. “I’m surprised no one’s gotten into his office yet to find out on their own.” As soon as the words left his lips he felt another idea strike him again as it did the night he discovered the book in Zilar’s office. He knew if he was hiding the book of beasts in his desk, he must have been hiding other secrets all over the classroom. Remus took a large bite from his roll.

 

He didn’t want to leave right away on a note like that; otherwise it would have been far too obvious where he was going. Instead he stayed and helped Lily as she turned pages with one hand and ate with the other. Besides, with everything going on in his head lately, he forgot how much he loved spending time with her even if it was just doing something simple like assignments. With how much she helped him with his classwork whenever he fell ill, it was something he thought was special between them. He also didn’t want to spend the majority of the time with her being salty over her keenness towards their professor… whom he now realised after talking to her that he had no real reason to be so suspicious of.

Still, his curiosities of the mysteries of Professor Zilar were gnawing at the back of his mind.

Remus finished eating and excused himself, knowing that if Professor Zilar was still showing Malfoy around and taking him up to the shack, he’d still have enough time to poke around his classroom without him knowing. He knew he’d have to be fast since he wasn’t going to go under James’ nose again to steal his cloak.

The classroom door was unlocked as he let himself in, scanning to make sure there was no one else there before closing the door behind him. It was all he could do to keep himself from shaking at his nerves. He took a deep breath and approached the professor’s desk, hoping that perhaps there would be some sort of beacon like the humming he heard that led him to the book. After a few seconds of silence, Remus set his knapsack aside and reached under the desk in the same fashion he saw the professor do. He searched for a type of switch or latch when his fingertips found purchase and the familiar double clicking noise echoed through the classroom, revealing another empty drawer.

He wasn’t surprised to see that the book had found a new home. If professor Zilar was even half of the things Lily thought he was, cautious was certainly one of them. Still, Remus sifted through the drawer again, hoping to find another secret compartment without any luck. The more he thought about it, the less likely it seemed to him that he’d hide something about who he was in his desk. He sighed and closed it carefully, reaching around underneath for the same switch to lock it back together and waiting for the clicks to let him know it was secure.

Remus stood up straight again and ruffled his hair to think as he looked around the classroom. He truthfully didn’t even know what he was looking for. The only hunch he had to go on was from word of mouth. He started to get frustrated with himself when he turned his head over to the staircase leading to the professor quarters. The thought of his father crossed his mind, how all of his knick-knacks, books, and any indication of his magical persona were all locked into one room when they lived in the muggle world. He climbed the stairs hoping that his intuition was correct in assuming if there was anything revealing his secrets, it was in his room.

After trying the locked handle once, Remus drew his wand.

“Alohamora.” He whispered, hearing the lock shift on itself and give way for Remus to push the door open. He exhaled in relief that such a simple charm from a lesson he had months ago was all it took.

Zilar’s office was a lot like his father’s without nearly as much clutter. Instead of the walls being lined with books, there were hung frames of what he assumed were newspaper clippings and portraits that he didn’t bother approaching, as he was much more preoccupied with what was holding his attention at the end of the room.

“I hope you’re not here searching for that book again, Mr. Lupin.” Said Zilar, turning around to face him and waving his hand to shut the door. “I assure you now, it has a new home.” Remus couldn’t make sense as to how or why he was in the room since he was sure the professor should have been in the middle of taking Malfoy to the Shack, yet there he was, leaning against his desk the his arms crossed and his head annoyingly tilted to the side like he’d been expecting Remus for tea an hour ago and was disappointed he was only now just showing up. He felt his tongue swell in his mouth and his heart rate pick up so that the only noise to him was his heart pounding in his ears, giving him a slight headache. He couldn’t even think of a lie to cover himself.

“B-Book? Sir?”

“There’s no need to lie. You’re not in trouble, However, I do need to ask you why are you being so secretive?”

“I don’t mean to sneak.” He replied quickly, feeling the colour rise in his cheeks from embarrassment. “I wasn’t looking for that book this time, I swear.”

“Yet here you are.” Said the professor, pushing himself forward to walk around and take his seat behind his own desk. “If you weren’t looking for the book, what brings you to my office?” He leaned forward on his desk, looking Remus straight in the eye, compelling him to crack under the pressure.

“I… I came here looking for something about you, sir. About who you were before you came to Hogwarts.” Zilar raised his eyebrows after Remus spoke.

“Is that so? Well, I can’t say I blame you. Like you, I carry secrets of my own. Secrets mind you that the headmaster believes are best kept private for your protection. Do we understand each other, Mr. Lupin?”

“Yes sir.” He answered quietly while looking down. He felt the absolute worst sinking feeling in his stomach and instantly thought about James and Sirius being caught by Filch the day they all got in trouble, wondering if they experienced the same thing.

“However,” Zilar chimed, making Remus look up. “If that is a question you need answered, by all means.” He pointed to one of the hung frames on the wall. “That will sum it up.”

Remus warily walked towards the wall to see the newspaper clipping up close. From what he could tell, it looked like a snippet from the Daily Prophet dated back in 1965. Nest to the text was a moving photograph of a bit younger looking Zilar, only the same airy confidence he carried around the school was nowhere to be found in the photo. He squinted to see the header of the article of text. He felt the colour leave his face almost as quickly as it rose when he read the headline, making him turn to look over his own shoulder at his professor. He urged him to read on and Remus turned his attention back forward

> **ELLIS ZILAR: MURDERER _and_ LUNATIC?**
> 
> _Ellis Zilar has recently been charged with the murder of Fenrir Greyback, a homeless muggle man accused of being a “dangerous werewolf” by Zilar himself. Zilar still claims the death on the 5 th of October was an accident as in his line of work he claims “lives are to be protected and not lost.” However, after being put under investigation, the evidence stacks up highly against him to premeditated murder rather than self-defense. Evidence, as ministry officials gave permission to disclose, included but is not limited to a satchel of dried wolfsbane, a vial of mercury and his wand (which is still being held pending a potential sentence to Azkaban prison). Ellis Zilar was renowned for his work on werewolves at the time, being an authority on the beasts for the Ministry of Magic, who has now severed all ties upon discovering his crimes. Little is credited to the accusations of Greyback as a werewolf as the situation as well as the Minister for Magic Nobby Leech’s swift action to dissociate with Zilar, discredited him greatly. (cont. on pg. 11)_

 

 “Go on. Ask me what you want to ask me.” Asked Professor Zilar as if already reading Remus’ mind after giving him enough time to read the article four times over.

“Did you really murder that man?” he asked, feeling more unsettled by his professor than he’d ever felt before. He looked over his shoulder to see him still sat down at his desk, lightly tapping his fingers on the surface. He took a deep breath before speaking.

         “For a while I thought I did. In the middle of February only a few months after that article was posted, Fenrir Greyback was sighted again. Your father, unbeknownst to him, had him and a few others in the custody of the Ministry of Magic where they belonged, but he was let go. That very next night was a full moon and incidentally the same night he attacked you.” He pointed his finger at him and for the first time, Remus noticed the professor looking directly at his scars. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “The sad truth is, if I were a murderer you would have never been bitten. I’ve been tracking him ever since.”

His last note hung in the air as Remus absently touched his fingertips to his scars. He never knew the name of the werewolf that attacked him until that point, that hearing it then felt surreal.

“If he attacked me, why hasn’t anyone caught him yet?”

“It’s… complicated.” Zilar replied, making the hair on the back of Remus’ neck bristle in frustration. Instead of prodding that particular matter forward, he thought it best to leave it. He’d had enough shell shocking for one day and if the answer to his question was truly so complicated, he’d rather saved it for another day.

He turned back around to the wall and read through the article again, stopping every time he saw his name.

_Fenrir Greyback._

He’d always felt pity for him, pity knowing that there was no way to control the transformations or the pain they caused. That the poor person who cursed him was suffering just as much as he was.

_Fenrir Greyback._

He thought even his name sounded vicious the way it burned like acid in his mind. Pity slowly melted into anger, knowing he could now put a name to what caused him and his family so much pain. While he wanted hate Greyback and be angry, neither of those things would heal him or make the transformations end. The most he could do now was prepare himself as he knew it was only a matter of time before became face to face with him, whether it be his choice or not.

“So then… you’re a werewolf hunter?”

“I prefer the term ‘tracker.’ It was my job to find and incapacitate werewolves, not kill them. _Never_ kill them. Unfortunately after my accusations, the ministry decided they didn’t want the bad press anymore and cut us loose.”

“There are more of you?”

“Not anymore.” He said quietly. Remus averted his eyes to the floor, gathering on his own what that meant. “What’s important now is that you’ve got me to handle him should he show his unfortunate mug.”

“You think he’d come after me again to… kill me?” Remus asked trying not to sound like the idea of being hunted absolutely terrified him.

“No.” He replied, scratching his face, as the idea seemed to put him into another thought “No, if he wanted to kill you he would have done so seven years ago People like him want an army, not a graveyard.” Remus couldn’t help but feel less at ease after he spoke. If he understood him correctly, it sounded like he was saying that Greyback was looking to recruit him. For what cause, he didn’t want to know. “Dumbledore knew I would be of use to you since being away from your father means you’re exposed. You’re still young. _Impressionable,_ if you will. I’m here to make sure you’re protected from danger and from influence.” Zilar kept his tone even as he stayed sat behind his desk as if dropping the truth on Remus like a ton of bricks was a part of his schedule today. His aloofness on the matter started frustrating him.

“Is that why you made me use magic before my first transformation here?”

“…Also complicated.” He said again. Remus was really starting to despise the word since it only left him with more questions, but he couldn’t help feeling relieved this time hearing it. “He thinks you’re too young to know about this, the Headmaster… about me, Greyback, all of this. Do you agree?”

 He hesitated before shaking his head.

While it was true that the more he uncovered about Professor Zilar’s past, the more Remus regretted learning the truth. It seemed that no matter the situation, the more he indulged his curiosity, the more he wished he hadn’t. Answers only ever seemed to lead to more questions like a never-ending cycle. But something inside of him knew that finding these answers were important. If it was Greyback he was preparing for, he had to be brave and accept the truth rather than shut it away. There were so many more questions he had that needed answers. What was so important about the book, why he was hiding it, and if he even knew about the man stalking the halls… he wanted to know all of it, but it was all simply too much, at least for one day. Remus was so mentally and emotionally exhausted he couldn’t even bring himself to ask. He had enough to digest as it was, and answers wouldn’t mean anything if he couldn’t make sense of tem all.

He glanced back over to the wall to the article again; now realising that the other frames that lined the walls were all probably keepsakes and snapshots from his old life. Remus understood that by agreeing to work for the school and agreeing to protect him that it was as close to his past as he would get, and that was hardly something he could blame him for.

“Why do you keep the it with the others?” Remus asked, not quite understanding why he would keep a clipping of his downfall amongst all of the others that praised him. “The Greyback article, I mean?”

“Because I think it’s important that we all keep something to remind ourselves every once in a while that we are not the monster people think we can be.”


	12. Ravenclaw vs. Slytherin

“All I’m saying is that you’ve been too busy being couped up with your spellbooks and parchment and inkwells and stuff that you’ve actively been missing out on the greatest part about being at Hogwarts.” Said James as he plopped down into the seat next to Remus who was steady preparing for astronomy at the main common room table. Acknowledging him, Remus smiled and ruffled the back of his own hair.

“I think you may be exaggerating—“ Remus replied. He knew of course James was referring to Quidditch, the main pastime for the students at school played on broomsticks. He didn’t know much about it other than that his dad used to play for the Ravenclaw team back when he went to school. It wasn’t for lack of interest, it was largely due to him spending most of his free time either playing catch up or being distracted by the the book of monsters despite not actually learning anything about it other than it was safest in it’s current location with Professor Zilar.

“Don’t waste your breath James.” Said Sirius as he walked passed them, tailed by Peter. “I’ve been trying to get him to go to the games with us since November and he’s pretty set on having no fun. I’ll save you a seat at the pitch.”

“You should come this time Remus… it’s the final. Slytherin versus Ravenclaw, and it’s supposed to be intense.” Peter said as he rolled up one his sleeves with one hand while the other gripped a rolled up poster.

“We’re supporting Ravenclaw of course. Wouldn’t be caught dead on the same side as Severus Snape…” Said Sirius pointing to Peter’s poster, which Remus could now see had blue lettering on the inside.

“Or your family.” James cut in.

“Details.” Sirius replied, waving off James with one hand as he nodded to Peter for them to get going, prompting him to pipe up.

“I’ll save an extra one just in case. A seat, I mean.” Remus smiled and the two waved goodbye before disappearing through the portrait hole along with the steady flow of other Gryffindors making their way to the game. The moment they were out of sight, he felt himself frown and his brow furrow.

“It’s not—I know how to have fun… I just…” He started. He decided against letting his hurt feelings get the best of him and talking himself into an explanation that he wouldn’t be able to escape. “Besides, we have astronomy tonight.” James rolled his eyes and shut Remus’ spellbook.

“Tell you what, the game doesn’t start for a few more hours. We’re supporting Ravenclaw. Alice Fortescue said she had extra paints and she would colour half of our faces blue.” The tilt in his voice made the offer much more tempting. In truth, he really didn’t have any excuse not to go. He’d read the last chapter for their lesson already, and since his conversation with Professor Zilar the night before, he could do with some unwinding. He’d been so busy shutting himself away from them hoping they’d not catch onto his affliction, he hadn’t considered looking passed it to simply have fun with his friends. It was only a game after all, and the full moon wasn’t for a few days.

“…Alright, you’re right. I could use a break from all of the books.”

“That’s the spirit. Plus, better to get you used to watching games now since you’ll be seeing _me_ flying around the pitch next year.” Remus raised his eyebrows in amusement at how quickly James puffed his chest.

 

The pair met up with Alice in the Charms classroom, who was all too eager to splatter navy blue paint all over opposite halves of their faces to match her own. At first Remus had been nervous that someone was going to be getting so up close and personal, but after watching Alice’s round face contort in concentration to make sure she coloured in all of the bare spaces of his skin, the nerves slowly melted away. It only helped more that she managed to fair her own in keeping a witty banter with James the whole time.

Something else that Remus appreciated was that for the entire time she’d been working on his face, not once did she protest about having to paint over his scars despite noticing her stare at them for the moments she needed to, and for that he was grateful. As she finished up and packed her stuff away to rush back to Ravenclaw tower with a smile and bounce in her step, Remus felt a sad tug in his stomach as she joked along with James in their farewell and simply waved to him that he didn’t spend more time getting to know her. Before he had any more time to sulk in regret, a half blue-faced James nudged him to follow him along to the quidditch pitch.

 

“Mind giving me a quick rundown so I know what I’m enjoying?” Remus asked as they opened the main doors to follow the steady flow of students all making their way last minute.

“Sure! Let’s see… There’s seven players to a team.” He started, holding out both of his hands to count on his fingers. “Three chasers, they’re the ones who throw the red ball through the hoops to score throughout the match— which you’ll see. The Keeper is the one who defends the hoops— which you’ll also see.”

“Oh, so kind of like football.” Remus interjected, earning an incredulous look from James like he couldn’t believe he’d just been interrupted in his master explanation of the sport. It also just occurred to Remus that James probably didn’t have a very good idea of what football even was. “Nevermind. Go on.”

“Two beaters hold the clubs and smack around the bludger, that’s the smaller black-looking ball—Which you’ll _defninitely_ see. Usually they aim for the Seeker. That’s the one zipping around chasing that golden snitch.”

“Which I’ll see?”

“No actually, that’s the ball that no one ever sees really because it’s so small.” He said, Remus’ tongue-in-cheek comment going completely over his head. He held out his thumb and forefinger while winking to show the size, which seemed no bigger than a walnut. “Game’s over when they catch it.”

“Only when they catch it?”

“Mhm. Doesn’t usually happen as quickly as you think.” Remus nodded along, quite impressed with his layout for the game. Quidditch seemed simple enough to follow along, which meant that he could spend less time understanding and more time enjoying.

“You’ll be trying out for Chaser next year, I expect.” Said Remus, knowing James was one for glory and it seemed to him that the ones scoring points during the game were more popular and glorified.

“Chaser? Nah. Seeker’s what I’m after. You’ll see why.”

 

The stands were packed. As James led Remus to the area bannered with the Gryffindor colours, he noticed there wasn’t an empty spot to be found in the entire perimeter of the oval shaped field. Even when looking up to the stands towering above near the height of the goal posts it seemed there wasn’t a vacant spot anywhere. At first it struck him as odd since he didn’t think that Hogwarts had quite so many students, but the deeper James led him to where he assumed Sirius and Peter were saving them seats, the more he realised that some of the people brushing passed were either too old or too young to attend the school. The only explanation that made sense to him was family members of the players showing their support and enthusiasts of the sport not wanting to miss the final match of the season.

James and must have had Sirius and Peter hang onto some sort of homing beacon from how relatively quick he found them. Sirius waved his hand frantically at first until he saw Remus. He must not have recognized his painted face at first due to his perplexed expression but once his identity became clear, it turned into something that resembled rage. It only added to the fun that him tagging along was winding him up. Thankfully, Peter came through with saving an extra seat so that the four of them could enjoy the game together. He patted Remus on the shoulder as he took his seat next to James in-between the two of them.

“How did he convince you to go?” Sirius shouted across James so that Remus could hear him over the chatter of the other spectators. Remus shrugged.

“He said I wouldn’t want to miss you screaming like a girl when the bludgers go after the seekers.” Remus responded, hoping he got the terminology correct. If Sirius reaction by smacking James across the head was anything to go by, he got it right. “Plus, I wouldn’t miss out on Peter’s snack choices.” He reached into a bag on Peter’s lap and palmed a few licorice wands. He took a bite and Peter gave him a giddy smile, clearly excited that he was able to go as well enough to not care he’d helped himself to his sweets. Remus felt content as ever spending time with them. What was more was he liked the feeling of knowing without a doubt no one would be looking at him. He felt completely invisible and he loved it.

 

The game was like nothing he’d ever seen before. The blurs and streaks of green and blue flew through the sky so fast that he’d almost gotten whiplash trying to keep up. Luckily the commentator of the match was keeping up with every exciting detail in case the crowd couldn’t, only adding to the excitement and atmosphere. Every time Ravenclaw scored, Remus cheered as loud as he could while helping Peter hold up his poster that read “Birds of Prey” after the Ravenclaw team being made up of all girls. Whenever Slytherin scored, there was an equal amount of cheering from half of the stadium. With all of the noise rattling the stands, it was hard to know exactly which half went for which team. It was all just noise, shouting, swearing, and laughing, and he had never had a better time in his life.

The tension rose when the two seekers started racing towards a glittering light zipping across the field. James stood to his feet and jumped up and down with Sirius, as it was hard to tell in that moment which of them was going to catch it. They weaved in and out of the other players almost like it was a synchronized routine. Just as it looked like one of the seekers was going to catch the snitch, it changed direction and the chase grew more intense. The crowd screamed and cheered to either distract or encourage whichever team they were rooting for, and Remus cheered along with them, feeling his own throat grow sore and scratchy the more he screamed. The chasers were frantically trying to use every last second to score and the beaters volleyed the bludgers to the opposition in hopes to give their teammates an edge. The field was like an organized chaos as the seekers raced until eventually Remus found himself bouncing along with James and Sirius in the excitement. It was impossible to tell who had the edge now. The crowd went wild as the chase ensued until eventually the Slytherin seeker broke off from the chase as the Ravenclaw seeker snatched at the glittering light—

“SHE’S DONE IT!” A voice resonated through the stands, causing so much more cheering and stomping that Remus thought they would fall apart for sure. “Pratima Patil has scored one-hundred and fifty points and Ravenclaw wins the Quidditch Cup!” The stands echoed ‘Birds of Prey’ over and over until all seven girls made at least a dozen laps around the pitch. Remus didn’t have a voice left to chant along.

 

The boys all walked back towards the castle with the mob of other students as the sun began to set, still left in the hanging excitement of the match. Peter thankfully brought lozenges for Remus that helped soothe and restore his throat that it didn’t feel like a raw a scratchy mess every time he swallowed or tried to speak. James was the first to start conversation, stepping in front of them to walk backwards that he had their attention.

“I’m telling you lads, that’s gonna be me ringing in all that glory.” He started as Remus unwrapped and stuffed the hard candies into his mouth, humouring James like the others by remaining silent and letting him speak. “Can see it now. ‘James Potter, Gryffindor Seeker. Winner of all things Quidditch and the greatest player the house— no, the _school_ has ever seen. It all starts next year when I make seeker—“

“You’ll have to be good if you’re _that_ ambitious.” Lily interrupted, making the four of them turn their heads to her as she caught up next to them. Severus, who remained silent, accompanied her. They both were wearing green, clearly in support of Slytherin. Sirius snickered in what sounded like agreement in response to her and Remus placed another lozenge in his mouth.

“And what makes _you_ think I’m not good enough, Evans?”

“Severus says all of the Seekers are in their later years in school anyway, and they’re all _really_ good.” She shrugged. Severus remained silent and refused to make eye contact with any of them. “Plus they’ve already probably been training their replacements… so it sounds like it’s mainly decided on skill and experience.”

“Which you don’t seem to have.” Severus added, making the rest of them look at him. It was much like tennis the way their heads turned back and forth between the three of them.

“I’ve got plenty!” James snapped back, his face turning a slight shade of pink that Remus wasn’t sure was from the setting sun or not. Lily giggled and shrugged before replying.

“Best of luck then. I mean, you’ll have to do something pretty amazing the get seeker next year. I think Sev said the youngest was a third year and that was something like eighty years ago—“ Before she could finish, Marlene and Alice appeared by her side bragging about how she was on the wrong side of the match. Effectively taking her and Severus away from the boys to a heated conversation of a complete play by play of the match. Remus placed another lozenge in his mouth, feeling the soothing effects coat his throat.

“Glad that shut her up...” James scoffed when they were out of earshot.

“I can’t believe you came, Remus.” Said Sirius in a wanted change of subject.

“Yeah, it was a hundred times more fun with you around.” Peter added. “You should have seen your face when the bludger hit her straight in the face. WHAM!”

“It looked like it hurt!” Remus muffled with lozenges still stuffed in his cheeks. “She’s gonna have a bloody nose for weeks. Weeks!”

“Tragic. And to think, you were this close to missing all of that action. I’m glad you changed your mind.” Sirius said, ruffling Remus’ hair in what seemed like an attempt to match his own while James stretched his arms out, knocking him and Peter in the face before resting his arms around their shoulders.

“I don’t know about you lot, but I’m exhausted just watching them…”

“Don’t get too sleepy, you know we have astronomy in a few hours.” said Remus.

 

“I dunno how you can stand her, honestly.” Said James to Remus as he peered through his telescope for their late night astronomy lesson. Remus took his eyes away and scribbled down his constellations on his parchment.

“Huh? Oh, Lily?” He replied, knowing full well whom he was referring to. Ever since she told him off in the common room, James harbored bitter feelings towards her, and their conversation after the game certainly didn’t help.

“Yeah, she’s such a… a—” He caught James looking over his shoulder to Lily who was busy giggling and chatting while doing her own classwork with Marlene. Without bothering to break from his work, he peered back into his telescope before finishing James’ thought for him.

“Know-it-all?”

“Thank you. A _know-it-all_.” He said, making Remus smile slightly. James was reliable in his behavior if not in his ability to help in team assignments. Had it been another class it would have bothered him much more, but something about peering up at the endless blanket of stars made astronomy much more enjoyable than sitting in a classroom brewing potions. “I mean, I get that you guys share the whole ‘muggle upbringing’ thing—” He was interrupted by a low growl coming from Sirius, who from what Remus could tell was apparently much more distracted by James if his scribbled out constellations and sloppy notes were anything to go by.

“Oh, come off it James. You only hate her because she told you off for getting me in trouble and put you in your place.” He snapped, crumpling his ruined parchment and tossing it off of the astronomy tower, earning a warning from Professor Sinestra who was threatening them with point deductions if anything else was tossed off. After sheepishly apologizing, Sirius turned the telescope to Peter while he looked over at Remus’ parchment to copy down his answers.

“Well it wasn’t any of her business!” James continued, now keeping his voice hushed. “And she told you off too, remember?” Remus could hear Sirius grumble as he pulled himself away again to take notes, now looking over his own shoulder to get a glimpse of Lily. Even in the moonlight her red hair glowed like embers, which was enough to keep him warm as he looked at her despite the cool spring air. She met her eyes with his and wiggled his fingers at him to wave, which was unfortunately was what their interactions were limited to when he was around the others. He waved back and went to jot down his notes when he realised Sirius has completely commandeered them. Remus snatched them back, earning another groan from him as James droned on.

“If you hate her so much why are you are you talking about her so much in the middle of astronomy?” asked Peter frustratingly as he looked through his own telescope. It seemed to shut James up for a few seconds at least which was definitely to everyone’s benefit.

“Because…” he quipped in reply, still grabbing to have the last word. It was incredible how much faster that class went by without him moaning about her and before they knew it, Professor Sinestra was giving them their last minute study tips before their exam next astronomy class.

 

The group of Gryffindors all shuffled down the tower in a hurry to get to back to their own quarters to get enough rest before Transfiguration in only a few hours. For weeks McGonagall was promising them the opportunity to spend an entire class making a cheat sheet for the exam, so naturally the boys had their own game plan of how to cram a year’s worth of information on a piece of a three by five inch piece of parchment. Just as they reached the courtyard, Remus could hear Sirius patting himself down.

“Bloody hell, I forgot my wand by the telescopes!” He said, stopping dead in his tracks and making the others follow suit.

“Not gonna get far without that.” James laughed. “How did you leave it? We don’t even need wands for astronomy.”

“I took it out because I was ready to hex you from all your moaning.” He quipped back, making James’ smile switch to a frown immediately.

“Forget it, I’m not walking all the way back up there.”

“Well I’m not going by myself, so you better start drawing straws.” Sirius folded his arms and looked between the three of them, all avoiding his gaze as if they were avoiding a teacher asking them a question they didn’t know the answer to. Peter was the first to speak up

“Just wait until it shows up in lost wands tomorrow morning.”

“That doesn’t open until class starts and I don’t want to waste any time if I have a hope of getting decent marks… Unless—“

“Don’t bother, I’ll go with you.” Remus interrupted. He didn’t want to encourage any rule breaking that he was sure was on the tip of Sirius tongue. An extra ten minutes taken away from his sleep was a more than fair enough trade for dealing with what consequences came from whatever the alternative was.

 

The pair made great time to and from the tower despite being incredibly exhausted from having to scale the steps again. They both made sure Sirius grabbed his wand and double checked for anything else before running down the tower again to race back to Gryffindor tower before any patrolling prefects tried busting them fro being out too late since the herd of the class was most likely back to their own common rooms by now.

It wasn’t until they were just outside the main doors of the castle from the courtyard when Sirius nudged Remus with his elbow, pointing at someone staring up at the castle as if waiting for another door to appear.

“Hey, who’s that?” asked Sirius. Remus felt his blood run cold as he recognized the silhouette as one he hadn’t seen since the start of the year. “Let’s go see—“ He quickly gripped Sirius’ robes to hold him back.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why not? He’s a teacher. We can just walk back with him.”

“Or we can just go back now and not waste any time. He doesn’t look like any of the teachers I know.”

“Go on Remus, what’s making you so nervous?” The look on Sirius’ face hit Remus hard as he couldn’t tell if it leaned more towards frustrated or annoyed.

“N-nothing, I just—“ He replied quietly as he let go, getting the familiar and unsettling sensation of his pulse in his ears. Sirius cleared his throat before calling out.

“Hello! Sorry, we got held back in class, is it okay if we walk back with you?” The man didn’t budge, and Remus experienced a very unpleasant form of déjà vu. “Hm. Maybe he didn’t hear me.” He took a step forward, loudly crunching over some stray twigs in the courtyard, making the man turn his head. His physical features were clear now though they were still too far away to make out his face. He looked refined, far too much so to be lurking in or around the castle. He wore long brown leather robes and his dark hair was neatly combed back like he’d only just returned from one of Remus’ father’s meetings. It was no wonder Sirius thought he was a teacher. Almost immediately, Sirius froze in place as he took a few steps towards the man with one foot in front of the other in a walking motion.

Startled, Remus jumped when he noticed him immobilized and immediately rushed to his side. Sirius was still as stone; even his robes were suspended along with his last motion, a smile plastered across his face as if he were mid-joke. Remus felt as though he were looking at a photograph in real time. He felt the inside of his mouth dry up in fear until his tongue felt like sandpaper.

“Sirius…?“ Remus said quietly, reaching out a hand to touch his statue of a friend. He was still warm to the touch, giving him at least some sense of relief. When he turned his head over, the man was now facing them in the dark. He turned and drew his wand as fast as he could, keeping an outstretched yet shaky arm pointed right at the man as he stepped in front of Sirius. “S-stay back.” The man looked between the wand pointed at his chest to Remus.

“Cute. Where is it.” He asked in a low and smooth voice, not bothering to make it at all sound like a question.

“Where’s what? W-what did you do to him?“ The man looked behind him at Sirius before shifting his attention back to Remus again. Now that he was closer, Remus could make out his chiseled features in the moonlight. He looked younger than he thought he would in his qualities, yet still looked aged. As if the lines he could see in his face were set in too early. “Who are you?”

“ _And_ inquisitive. He’ll be fine. Now lower your wand before someone gets hurt.” Still shaking, Remus kept his arm outstretched. A part of him was too scared to move, the rest of him was scared of what would happen if he did. The man sighed heavily before using his index finger to direct the tip of Remus’ wand away from his chest before repeating his original question: “Where is it?”

“I don’t know what you’re looking for.“ He lied. Almost immediately the man reached for his collar and snatched him closer, the force of which made Remus drop his wand in the dark.

“I don’t have time for games.” He said through barred teeth. With his free hand, he roughly turned Remus’ head until a familiar dull humming sound rang through his ears. “You can hear that, can’t you?” Remus fought the urge to respond. Even though he was scared, he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of a reaction. After a few seconds the man sharply inhaled through his nostrils and Remus could hear the growl of frustration in the man’s voice before letting him go. It was hard for Remus to grasp what caught the man’s attention since it was hard to concentrate on much else other than the droning hum in his ears and a distant tapping noise like footsteps on top of it. Someone was coming; whoever it was must have scared him. “Forget it… this is a waste of time. Just stay out of the way while you still can.”

“No,” He replied indignantly, making the man raise his eyebrows. “Not as long as you’re looking for that book.”

“Is that so?”

“Why do you want it so much? What does it do?”

“So eager to defend something you know nothing about… Did your new best mate Zilar not tell you?” Remus felt himself shrink back. He hadn’t thought to ask the professor what made the book so important that he felt the need to hide it. Now that he knew someone was after it, he wondered if Zilar knew there was someone else snooping for it other than him. “Not that he would dream of it.” The man said, interrupting his train of thought. “Hunters like him don’t trust werewolves, even pups like you. You’d be wise to follow suit.”

“Tracker. He’s not a hunter, he’s a tracker…”

“Right, I’m sure that helps him sleep at night.” The man chuckled, frustrating Remus even more.

“Why would I listen to you?”

“Because I’m just like you.” Said the man as grabbed the collar of his own shirt and moved it to expose a section of his shoulder revealing a large crescent-shaped scar. Remus felt like he was staring at it for minutes rather than for a few seconds. He’d never seen another werewolf before. A storm of questions filled his head in that instant and the newly common ground between them made him forget his anger. Before too long, he fixed his robes over his shoulder again. “Zilar is dangerous. If you think I’m unpleasant, you have no idea what he’s capable of. Why don’t you ask him yourself what that book does? See how you feel after he tells you.” He started walking backwards farther into the shadows of the courtyard until he disappeared completely from the only bit of moonlight illuminating him. He spoke again in a voice that was quiet like a whisper, yet still clear is Remus’ ears. “He’ll be here any moment now. I’d recognize that smell anywhere.”

        

Seconds later, Sirius continued on his stride, immediately knocking into Remus’ shoulder from behind.

“Whoa Remus, how’d you get over here so fast?” He asked, whipping his head behind him where he stood when he was immobilized. Remus tilted his head. Even though Sirius was frozen, he thought he was at least conscious being put under a body bind spell.

“I—“

“Lupin? Black?” Professor Zilar called out to them, making both of them jump. Of course it was his footsteps Remus heard… it seemed that he always was at the right place at the right time. As he strode towards them, an odd scent of pine and soot filled his nostrils.

“Professor! We were just—“

“Heading back to Gryffindor tower from Astronomy.” Remus interrupted. “I dropped my wand over here somewhere and Sirius stayed back to help me look… didn’t realise so much time had passed.” He looked over to Sirius who was predictably willing to lie to a professor even if he wasn’t sure as to why. In all honesty, he didn’t want to risk Sirius spilling anything on the man, especially since it would only cause more problems if Zilar knew there was someone else aware that Fenrir Greyback was stalking the grounds. He couldn’t think of another reason he’d have known to come to the courtyard unless he was there to keep an eye on Remus instead. Either way, he didn’t like the fact that his trust was conflicted.

“Oh look, here it is.” Said Sirius, bending down to pick up a twig like object that luckily enough turned out to be Remus’ wand. If he wasn’t so wound up by the conversation he just had with Greyback, he would have been much more relieved. For now, giving Sirius his thanks and the most sincere smile he could muster was apparently convincing enough for Zilar. Sirius scratched the back of his head before piping up again. “We’re not in trouble are we? If we get detention can it at least wait until after we make cheat sheets for McGonagall?” Remus gave him an incredulous look that he just offered a detention sentence.

“No, you’re not in any trouble.” Zilar replied with a slight smile tugging on the corners of his lips. “Unless you’ve something to confess?”

“No.” They both responded immediately.

“Excellent. I’ll escort you boys back to the common room, then. There’s a curfew for a reason boys, and you’d do well to follow it.”

 

*   *   *

 

The transfiguration lesson was everything they hoped and dreamed it would be. As planned, the four of them sat together and spent the whole lecture making notes to bring with them to the exam. Much to their surprise, Sirius was the one working most diligently in making sure their notes were concise and only made sure the boys wrote down the essentials. It wasn’t until five minutes before Professor McGonagall dismissed the class that she broke the news that all of their intense note taking served as a study tool. The collective groan of the class nearly drowned out the dismissal chimes.

He broke off from the boys on the way back to Gryffindor tower to the hospital wing. The full moon was only a couple of days away, and he always liked to stop by to see madam Pomfrey beforehand. She always gave him sweets from her jar and made sure he wasn’t having any aches too close to his transformations. It tended to make him feel a little less homesick; especially knowing he’d be leaving in a few short weeks. As he walked through the double doors, he expected to find the madam sitting at her desk or shooing away some of the older students faking stomachaches, but neither were anywhere to be seen. The only indication of anyone in the hospital wing was the partitions closing off a lone bed in the back corner that she usually reserved for him. He crinkled his nose as a bitter smell suddenly filled his nostrils as he turned his head to follow it, too distracted to hear the double doors open and close behind him.

“Mr. Lupin,” Zilar said, practically making him jump out of his skin just as he was about to move the curtains, almost getting whiplash from turning his head so fast. “You’re very early. The full moon isn’t for a few days.”

“Right, I was just… Have you seen Madam Pomfrey?” Asked Remus. He couldn’t shake his uneasy feeling with the professor despite learning his secret and knowing he was only truly there to help. He thought perhaps it was spending the entire year being so suspicious that the feeling was only out of habit. Whatever it was, the feeling didn’t stop him from thinking about what Greyback told him about the trackers. The last thing he wanted to do was let anything he said get to him.

“Yes, she’s erm, _ill_ it would seem.” He answered as he walked over to join Remus, gesturing to the bed. Remus turned his head again, reaching out a hand to move the curtain to see her when the Professor stopped him. “Ah ah— I wouldn’t. She’s probably contagious if all of this is necessary. I don’t think you should expose yourself this close to the moon.” Remus nodded and let go of the curtain, moving around the bitter smell from before that it was much more prominent along with the hint of another familiar smell that he couldn’t quite place. Something sick and sweetly.

“Who’s going to… you know.” It was the only question that remained for him now, which was a quickly rising concern of the obvious. He couldn’t very well go off to the shrieking shack alone. Madam Pomfrey was always there to enchant the trapdoor again that he didn’t accidentally open it an escape. He’s always needed her and now that she was ill, he started feeling helpless.

“I’ll be escorting you.” His reply made Remus look up at him immediately as the Professor led him away from the bed and towards the double doors out of the hospital wing. “Can’t leave you running about by yourself just yet.” He jested. “It’ll be new, but I’m the back up plan for a reason. You’re in good hands.” It suddenly seemed very strange at how very true that was. After all, none of the other professors or even madam Pomfrey for that matter had as much knowledge on werewolves as he did. It would have made sense for him to be the escort from day one.

“Yes sir.” Remus said quietly the professor smiled at him and shut the double doors. He was still in shock upon discovering the Matron being ill. The concept seemed so backwards to him that he hardly considered it or Professor Zilar’s convenient role in stepping in. As he walked back to the common room alone he thought about his impending transformation and for the first time since the beginning of the year, didn’t know what to expect.

 


	13. The Book of Beasts

While the rest of the students were having trouble sleeping for restlessness in the term ending, Remus could only wish for something as sweet. With everything running through his head it was hard to focus on much of anything lately, especially knowing that only a few nights ago he’d come face to face with the werewolf that bit him. To him that was the worst part. It made him want to skip breakfast and throw up whatever bad feeling was left in his stomach so that he wouldn’t have to feel so nauseous.

Remus filled up what time he could reading through his notes when he wasn’t around his friends, who spent their free time loafing around and not worrying about creature tomes. He was thankful that none of them had picked up on his pattern of disappearing yet. It was odd to admit that muggles picked up on it sooner than they had, but he also went to a school where only a week ago had a lesson in changing a candlestick into a house plant. He took advantage of being alone in the dormitory to pack his bags for his trip to the Shack. If there was anything giving him comfort it was the fact that it would be the last time he needed to for the term. After this full moon was less than a week until he was on the train home and he couldn’t wait. The thought alone actually made him giddier despite everything else. Though he knew no one would believe him, he was actually looking forward to not spending all of his time studying.

        

Professor Zilar had given him specific instructions to meet him in his office rather than the hospital wing. It made sense after all, since he wouldn’t be seeing Madam Pomfrey since she was ill. According to Zilar, she’d only gotten worse in a few days and Remus wasn’t fond of catching anything else. He thought he would get her something before the end of the term anyway. Even though she wasn’t going to be around for his first-last transformation didn’t mean he didn’t appreciate everything she did for him. As he walked through the empty Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom to Zilar’s office, he wondered if Professor Sprout would let him give her something from her greenhouse that smelled nice.

He knocked twice before the professor invited him in, the familiar smell of pine and soot filling his nostrils as he closed the door behind him. The professor shut the familiar leather-bound book as he turned to face Remus and set it on his desk.

“Not much more to be keeping from you now.” He said, nodding towards the book as he leaned back to sit on his desktop. “Do you have everything you need?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Remus replied, lifting his knapsack of supplies trying not to feel to proud of himself that he stayed a step ahead.

“Good. We’ve lucked out on you not having classes during this full moon. Though taking you will be a little more suspicious during the day like you’re used to. That being said…” The professor reached into his vest and pulled out his wand, waving it and summoning a small black pouch into Remus’ hands. “You’ll need these.” Remus opened the pouch and examined its contents. There was a small glass vial filled with a silver liquid, and another smaller sack that emitted a sweet smell that relaxed him instantly. He didn’t even realise how hunched over he was.

“What is this stuff?” asked Remus, taking out the vial and holding it up to the light, watching the silver liquid scatter around the small bottle whenever he turned it.

“It’s preventative. Helps slow the transformation process. Since we will be leaving much later in the night you’re going to need it.”

“I’m supposed to drink this?”

“I— Yes. I left instructions on how to mix it in the pouch too. We’ll meet at Hagrid’s at sundown. I think it’s best we aren’t seen leaving together.”

“ _Sundown?_ ” he cried, completely taking his focus away from the pouch and its contents. “But—“

“You’ll be fine, it’s only in an hour.” Zilar responded reassuringly, walking over to Remus and placing his hands on his shoulders. “I promise you it’s safe. Got a few tricks up my sleeve that Madam Pomfrey didn’t.” He said with a smile and a wink. I know he meant to, but it didn’t make Remus feel much better at all. “Sundown. Please don’t be late.”

“I won’t.” Remus replied, setting his knapsack on the coatrack for later. He turned on his heel to leave the room as the professor reached for the book behind him on his desk, making him stop before he even gripped the handle of the door. He’d come all this way and done so much worrying, thinking, and speculating over the book he was so casually reading, that Greyback’s words about asking what it truly was echoed through his head. He did bring up when he walked into the classroom that they were beyond the point of secrets. He thought maybe it was time he learned this one.

“Can I ask you something, sir?” He asked, turning around and ruffling the back of his hair. “It’s about—“

“Can it wait?” He cut him off, still not taking his eyes from the pages. “If it’s what I think it is, here might not be the best place to have that conversation.” Remus open and closed his mouth a few times before nodding. Later was better than never.

 

Remus emptied the satchel’s contents on the table in the great hall. Sure enough the instructions for mixing were written on a small slip of parchment, which luckily for him didn’t require an advanced knowledge of potion brewing.

 

_A pinch of the dried plant. A sip of the silver. Don’t fall asleep. Sundown._

 

It seemed pretty straight-forward to him. Though it looked like there was more than just a pinch and a sip for both, he figured the professor thought it was best to leave him with too much rather than too little. He opened the vial and carefully opened the pouch of dried plant, the sweet smell filling him up again. He grabbed a bit between his fingers and dropped it into the bottle and swished it around before taking a sip.

The metallic taste ran down the back of his throat, making him close his eyes tight and wince. It reminded him of blood the way it seemed to fill up his entire mouth and trickle down into his belly. When he opened his eyes again his eyes were on the unlit fireplace of the hall… at least he thought it was. It was hard to focus on one thing the way the room seemed to be spinning. His throat still tickled lightly from the liquid, and his fingers started having an oddly familiar tingling sensation that made his head feel like a balloon. Remus kept his hands on the tabletop when the feeling of exhaustion swept over him, like he hadn’t gotten enough rest last night and he was in the middle of a particularly dull lesson of History of Magic. He started to feel himself get the hint of a drift when he remembered the note ordering him not to sleep.

He was only snapped out of his haze when a balled up piece of paper hit him on the side of his head. Remus jumped and looked around to see Sterling laughing with his friends from the table behind him as well as several other balled up pieces of paper within reaching distance on the table. They’d must have been throwing them for the passed few minutes.

“Fifty points for a head shot boys. Who was keeping score again?” he heard him say to his friends, who were of course rotated from the last time Remus saw him. He tried convincing himself that Avery was someone too abrasive to keep friends for more than a few weeks rather than admit that he’d managed to make more friends than he could count on all his fingers. Still feeling light-headed, Remus turned back around doing his best to ignore the snickers.

Dizziness changed into pounding rather quickly, and unfortunately the headaches came with soreness in his joints that it was uncomfortable to move. Whatever plan he had of leaving the great hall to escape Avery seemed much too tiring. Remus settled for moving down the table instead. The pain coupled with the lethargy he was feeling was a reason he knew he could never grow to like potions. He looked up to the enchanted ceiling of the hall to keep time, knowing that the slightly pink tinge it was beginning to take meant that it would be time for him to leave soon. He yawned deeply and fought off every urge he had to rest his head on the table. He wished more than ever that he had his friends around to distract him or keep him occupied, but they were seven flights of enchanted stairs away.

 

An hour melted by slowly as the sky turned from pink to purple, signaling him to stand up despite the aches to head to Hagrid’s. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion around him. The chatter in the corridors were much louder than usual, even the smells were stronger. It was like someone put a dial on his senses and turned them passed the maximum. What was more, it was taking most of his concentration to walk in a straight line. Luckily by the time he’d made it out doors, there weren’t many students roaming the grounds that he would run into. He knocked on Hagrid’s door and was greeting shortly after by the giant man beaming down at him.

“Remus!” Hagrid boomed, making Remus immediately put a hand to his ear to make sure his eardrum hadn’t ruptured. Hagrid must have realised he’d been too loud as when he spoke again his voice was at a much more tolerable volume. “You all righ’? Yer lookin’ like yer gonna be sick.”

“I’m fine… I think.” He replied, feeling the very opposite of fine the way his head was pounding and his body was aching. “Is Professor Zilar here?”

“He’s only jus’ arrived here a minute ‘fore you did.” Hagrid invited Remus in and closed the door behind him. “‘Ave a seat, I’ll make you a cup—“

“Unfortunately there’s not enough time.” Said professor Zilar as he emerged from the back door with Fang, who immediately gravitated to Remus and put his face under his hands to be pet. “Ah good, you’ve taken it. That will make things much easier.”

“Easier?”

“Yes, I suppose it doesn’t seem that way, now—“

“What exactly did you have me drink?” He asked, cutting him off. It was frustrating being intentional kept in the dark when it came to his professor. He knew he’d needed to trust him, but he was making it difficult. Between his old life, what Greyback told him, and the potion, it was really annoying him how cryptic he was.

“It’s a developmental wolfsbane potion. Only a bit of mercury and monkshood does the trick nicely.”

“Mercury? Isn’t that poisonous?”

“Not to you.”

“But the monkshood is.“

“In it’s natural state yes. What I gave you is dried and harmless. Speaking of which,” He held out his hand for Remus to hand him the satchel. “Still some kinks to work out, but for what we need, this will work. Again, speaking of which, we should get going. Now that the sun’s set we’ll need to move quickly as usually you’d be a wolf by now.” He slung Remus’ knapsack over his shoulder and walked towards the backdoor, holding it open for the two of them to make their journey. “Whatever you do, just keep yourself from looking up. Hagrid.”

“Ellis. Remus.” Hagrid said, raising his cup of tea to them while he pet Fang on their way out.

 

At first the two started walking along the already beaten path towards the Whomping Willow when the professor them towards the perimeter of the forbidden forest. Usually Remus would have protested but considering the potion’s effect he didn’t have it in him to question. Perhaps it was a shortcut. After all, Madam Pomfrey was terrified of the forest and he knew her well enough that she’d never step foot beyond the tree line. The canopy of trees and branches also served well in blocking out the moonlight that it was much less tempting for Remus to look up. The professor lit his wand to illuminate their new path before speaking.

“You were going to ask me a question in the classroom. Am I right to assume it was about the book?” He asked turning his head towards him as he adjusted the knapsack over his shoulder.

“I was… and you are.” Said Remus. “What exactly _is_ it?” Zilar smiled before nodding. The look on his face made it seem like he’d been waiting to tell someone, yet was keeping his composure as best he could.

“It’s one of a set of three of the Grimoire. They’re very old texts… much older than the school actually if that means anything to you. From what you’ve seen, it’s a book of beasts. But the secret of the book is that it holds the keys to controlling one of the most powerful aspects of magic.”

“Its creatures.” Remus piped up. It made sense. It wasn’t as if he had anything else to go by other than the moving sketches with nothing to label them with other than a language he hadn’t the faintest idea of understanding. Of course if what the professor was telling him was true, it meant that the book held the key to controlling werewolves.

“Yes. It’s all based on legend of course, but before people there were these _beings_. Magic existed in them first. Some even believe they’re descended directly from them. What’s more is that it’s alive in a sense.”

“Alive? The book?”

“In a sense. It started out with very pure creatures of magic. Some of them exist now like phoenixes and unicorns… and some of the not so cuddly variety as well. As they mingle or evolve, so does the book.” Zilar’s explanation sounded like a fairy tale. Magic, living books that were thousands of years old yet still in perfect leather-bound condition seemed extreme, even for the wizarding world. Then again, it may have been something completely normal for all he knew. “It can be used to control the magic in creatures, channel it, and harness it, and in turn do the same to them.”

“So it’s like an instruction manual to magical beasts?” He asked, keeping his gaze down to his feet.

“In layman’s terms yes. Beasts, wraiths, spirits, demons… Imagine the possibilities. One could amass armies to do their will. There’s no resistance.” The tilt in his voice leaned more towards eager than informative. Beneath the soreness, Remus could still feel what he could only compare to heavy stones dropping into his gut. He wasn’t quite sure why a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher would find something like that useful, but now his conversation with Greyback about trusting him was so fresh in his mind that he felt like he could still remember the scent.

“What was in doing at Hogwarts? Shouldn’t something that dangerous be in the hands of people like my father? Handling magical creatures is what he does.”

“It was brought here, and yes that does seem ideal. The ministry wouldn’t know what to do with something so—“

“Sir, where are we?” He asked, cutting him off as he looked up around the thick woods. Before he could see the edge of the trees, but it seemed they were both now completely lost in the black bark of the forest. The faster he felt his heart beat in his ears, the closer he felt to blacking out. He was closing in on his transformation with or without looking at the moon, and he wasn’t sure if it was him or Zilar that he was more worried about.

“Almost to our destination.”

“But the willow isn’t in the forest.” Just as the professor was about to reply, another recently familiar voice cut through the wood.

“He’s not taking you to the willow.” Said Greyback, averting both of their attention to him. His dark figure was almost completely blended in with the trees save for his pale skin against the peeking moonlight through the branches. His face looked different than before, as the set in lines were now much more prominent and his eyes looked sunken in like he were terribly ill. Just by looking at him Remus could tell he was on the same sort of preventative that he was, and if the way he looked was anything to go by, neither of them had much time left. The odds of two wolves against Zilar seemed grim, tracker skills or not. “Hello pup. Not so good at following advice are we?”

“You.” Said Zilar through gritted teeth, pointing his lighted wand at him. “Not you. Not this close.”

“Yes, me. Now hand over the boy before things get out of hand.” He said as he took a step towards them, making Remus instinctually take a step back next to Zilar.

“I’m not going anywhere near you, Greyback!” He snapped. The fact that he thought Remus would even consider going along with him willingly made his blood boil.

“Greyback?” The two men said simultaneously. Remus looked between the two of them confused.

“You think I’m Fenrir Greyback… I’m insulted.” The man scoffed, a slight smile teasing at his chapped lips. Remus swallowed hard and licked his own lips that he could feel also starting to split and peel. He’d been convinced that he had the mysterious man figured out and now he was back to where he started save for being able to place a face. Whether he was Greyback or not didn’t make him seem any less dangerous. The fact that he was also a werewolf still remained. “Now let’s go. If we hurry we might actually be able to—“

“Remus, get behind me.” The professor said while snatching him, still holding his wand out.

“Oh, don’t let me interrupt. Go on, exactly where _were_ you taking him? Like he said, that entrance to that safe house of his isn’t in the forest.” Remus felt Zilar’s grip tighten on his arm as he held him in place. “Don’t be a fool Ellis. I have a very specific request for him that I’d like to keep up my end of the bargain for, so if you please—“

“Flipendo!” Remus shouted from behind, the spell hitting the man square in the chest and knocking him back into a protruding root and tripping him. The intense exertion of magic made his body tense up and go almost rigid. The streams of moonlight coming through the trees warmed his skin. Remus dropped his wand to the ground and began to shake, as the professor turned around quickly, grabbing his shoulders to keep him standing upright and in place. His teeth began to hum and resonate in his head as he felt them shift in his mouth. “Remus, listen to me. Find it. Hide it. You’ll know where to look. Run. No matter what you hear don’t come back, do you understand me?” There was a grotesque crunching noise along with a guttural growling coming from where the man fell down. The professor whipped his head around and back to Remus, tossing the knapsack aside before looking back at him. “Whatever you do, stay in the forest. Go” Remus took a step backwards, his eyes adjusting clearer in the dark enough that he could see the look of fear in his eyes and hesitated. It was tempting. “ _GO!_ ” He shouted at him now, snapping Remus into enough consciousness to take off as fast as he could in the opposite direction deeper into the forest.

 

As he ran he felt like his body was falling apart. Every inch of him burned like his skin was melting away. Eventually the pain was too unbearable to take anymore and he stopped in his tracks, falling to his knees. He waited for himself to blackout from the pain. It would have been easy after that. All he had to do was close his eyes and his mind would shut off, then he would wake up in the hospital wing with madam Pomfrey and the whole night will be like a forgotten hazy nightmare. He heard a loud howl in the distance and like a trigger; the sensation shot through him like a bolt of lightning. He quickly opened his eyes and craned his neck up that he could see the full moon through the break in the trees; it’s light reflecting in his now tearing eyes and filling him. The transformation was starting, and he was going to suffer through it.

It started in his bones. They stretched and broke until reaching the size they wanted and compelled him to stand, forcing and tearing his skin along with it as it emitted the same horrible crunching sound he heard the man go through only minutes ago. He screamed to drown out what he could only describe as the most horrible pain. When he looked at his hands he could see the dark fur spreading and thickening until his skin wasn’t visible anymore. His back hunched while he was still on his knees to make up for the rapid growth of his bones and his voice cutting through the air turned into something more grating and animalistic like a snarl. He whipped his head around as he felt his bones shift to make room for his already elongated teeth and still rapidly growing teeth. He felt his mouth start protruding into a muzzle and his newly clawed hands frantically scraped and scratched at his face until the pain eventually subsided, leaving him stood hunched over and whining with a voice that wasn’t his.

In that moment he stayed conscious of himself. He looked around him, ducking his ears back as he stood up straight trying to sense if there was anything or anyone around him. As he sniffed the air, a rusty metallic scent mixed with a hint of pine and soot filled his nostrils and like another spark he felt an unnatural hunger and burning desire to tear whatever it was into pieces. He howled piercingly into the night and took off towards the direction of the scent on all four of his legs, being able to navigate and move much faster than before. It wouldn’t be long at all before he could tear into human flesh himself.

 


	14. The Last Moon

Remus arrived back to the exact spot he stood with professor Zilar before but was disappointed to find it empty. He sniffed and searched the air for where the metallic scent was the strongest, leading him into a thicker brush of trees. He followed what he discovered as a trail of blood littering the foliage and bark until he reached a clearing in the wood. There was another, like him, hunched over a pile that he couldn’t quite discern in the middle of the clearing. The other stood up straight, and Remus could see that he was much larger than he, towering at least twice the size of himself. He stalked over, making him shrink back down and tuck his ears back again. As he sniffed Remus over, he was close enough that he could see his bloodstained claws and muzzle. When he was done giving him a once over, he startled Remus by roaring loudly in his face enough to echo through the forest and make his eardrums ring.

The other took off quickly passed Remus, leaving him in the clearing alone. Once he was sure he was alone, he walked over to the mound to see what the other werewolf was hunched over. Now that he had a closer look, he could see that hidden beneath a pile of dirt and leaves was a set of eyes staring back at him. He curiously dug and brushed away at the dirt, revealing the rest of the body… or at least what was left of it. After exposing him to the night air, it was obvious to him now that it was the source of the scent he’d followed since he transformed. He didn’t recognize his professor in his current state, so the sight of his mangled body on torn limbs didn’t do much to faze him. The most seeing him accomplished was causing an incredible amount of frustration that he didn’t get to tear into him first. He sniffed the air again hoping to find another trail that would lead him to the satisfaction.

The forest had been much more welcoming than the shack. The deeper he travelled the wilder the wood became in comparison to its borders. The trees changed in shape in colour that reflected and illuminated the foliage with the moonlight Eventually he’d reached a point deep enough where the trees stopped moving with the wind and instead moved on their own. It was a completely different place than when he’d arrived, even the creatures he could hear scurrying and rustling in the night he could sense were completely native to this wild reach. Therein seemed to rest the problem for him… it was all only just the creatures.

It seemed that what he forgot when he was human was all present memory while he was a werewolf. Nights of tearing the floorboards and clawing at the walls, windows, and doors were all very prevalent in his mind as if they were spread out days ago rather than months at a time. Memories of being enclosed seemed to stir up more feelings of rage and animosity. He broke into a run, not even sure for what he was searching for anymore. The farther he pressed deeper into the woods, the more desperate he became to find something to sate him.

He must have traveled a dozen miles alone. The solidarity was frustrating him so much that when he finally took a moment to stop, he lashed out and ripped at the trees and dirt around him. It didn’t matter to him that when his claws and teeth gnashed against whatever would show resistance that he in turn was hurting himself, just hurting something felt good. He thought of the shack again, how the walls were like stone in a guise of wood and the windows were an unbreakable veil; neither of which would show any more damage than superficial marks. This was so much better, feeling the tree bark splintering and the earth tearing beneath him.

His rampage was interrupted when a large branch swooped down and knocked him off his feet, knocking him back in the air a considerable distance from the tree. He stood up and roared in a similar fashion the other wolf showed him, only not nearly as terrifying. His ears perked up as he sensed he wasn’t alone. Remus hunched over again and braced prepared himself to attack when he saw a wolf with crystal blue eyes, and fur as white as the full moon in the sky emerged from behind trunk, far enough away that he could only just make it out, but close enough to spring and attack if he needed to. He snarled in their direction hoping to scare them away, and was disappointed to see the wolf not budge an inch. Instead a dozen other wolves emerged from behind the surrounding trees, making him feel strangely isolated and endangered. He was the only making any noise. The pack stood around in complete silence focused on him. His snarls turned into whimpering and he looked around to find an opening in the wolves to escape only to find they had him enclosed.

 _There is no need to be afraid; you are safe here among us._ A female voice rang through his ears. Remus knew well enough that the voice wasn’t coming from outside, but rather in his head. He couldn’t explain how, but he knew the voice belonged to the white wolf. The other wolves sat down in affirmation of the words ringing through his ears. _I am Yuna, leader of this pack. It is not often we find lycanthropes stalking our wood._ The word sounded like a far off whisper in his mind, like he’d heard it in another life but couldn’t quite place it. It stopped mattering him in a few seconds. Now that the other wolves had been pacified, he hunched himself over again to prepare to run. _We cannot allow you to roam free._ She said, making the other wolves stand again. _I know you may not know yourself, but I know you, child._ _The humans will come when the sun has risen and you will have much to face with them._ Remus wasn’t sure of what she was eluding to, but the longer she droned on in his head, the more frustrated he felt as a low growl built in his throat. Y _ou won’t satisfy your savage hunger here_. The last thing he could remember was lunging in the opposite direction of Yuna to run before another wolf flanked him from the side and knocked him out cold.

  
*   *   *  
  


At first light in the morning well before the rest of the castle woke, two figures strode into the Forbidden Forest with their wands drawn. One of them being Professor McGonagall, who had fashioned herself with a thick dark-green travel cloak along with Professor Dumbledore, who both drew deeper into the wood with steady determination and worry for their mission.

Routine broke when Professor Zilar didn’t return to report back to the castle that Remus had reached the shack and transformed. It didn’t take long after that to put two-and-two together that he’d run off to the forest, or had been taken. Fortunately when Zilar had initially joined the faculty, he’d passed on basic knowledge of basic tracking skills to follow a werewolf’s path that led the pair to a clearing near the border of the forest and school grounds. In the daylight, it wasn’t hard to deduce what lied beneath the messy pile of dirt and leaves on the far end. McGonagall still approached it warily; covering her mouth and nose upon discovering Ellis Zilar’s broken and slashed body, staring at it for a few moments before shaking her head. Doing best to save face, she brought her hand back down to her sides. 

“What are we going to do Albus?” She asked as he steadily approached. “There will be questions. The Ministry will want him to answer for-for what’s happened to Ellis...”

“They will make him answer for crimes he hasn’t committed, I’m afraid.”

“You don’t believe he was capable?”

“I believe he was more than capable…” Dumbledore waved his wand revealing one of the more gruesome slashes across Zilar’s chest. “Guilty however...”         “Right, your ‘theory.’” She replied sounding slightly annoyed. “There may not be time for that, the lacerations alone are enough to convince the Wizengamot to—”

“I will deal with the Wizengamot when the time comes. For now, we need to get him safely back to school and alert his parents.” Dumbledore said while cutting her off and waving his wand again that the leaves and foliage around him unraveled and loomed together to form a fabric that wrapped itself around Zilar’s body, cocooning him until they two would undoubtedly need to bring him back along with Remus.

 

As they finished, a large white wolf walked into the clearing from a break in the trees, grabbing both professors’ attention. As she approached it became more apparent that she’d been carrying something on her back. It was Remus. Professor McGonagall gripped her wand tightly in her hand, ready to stun the beast and take the boy when the opportune moment arose when a very clear voice in her head stopped her from attacking.

 _My pack found the boy and kept him from harm, though unfortunately not from himself._ Said the voice of the wolf, echoing in their minds. Professor McGonagall lowered her wand. Yuna walked until she was stood in front of them, carefully leaning down until Remus rolled off of her back. Almost every inch of him was either cut or bruised _There was another._ Was the last thing she conveyed before bowing her head and sprinting off in the other direction until her white coat was no longer visible in the wood.

Almost immediately, Professor McGonagall shed her green cloak and wrapped it around Remus to cover him, being mindful of his injuries. She then scooped him up and looked at Dumbledore, who still had a dreamy look in his eyes as he stared off into the direction of where Yuna ran off.

“Hagrid did mention to us that there were other werewolves in the forest.” 

“Yes, I gathered that too, but it certainly was not what I expected. Especially considering, well.” She gestured to the bundled up Remus in her arms. 

“Indeed. Shall we?” Dumbledore pointed the way with an open hand. As they began to leave the clearing, he flicked his wand towards the professor and the wrapped body levitated, following close behind them as they journeyed from the woods back to the castle. 

“Professor, should he be around the other students?” Said Professor McGonagall, making Dumbledore give her a quizzical look. “I simply mean he is injured… it might raise questions." 

              “Nothing our matron cannot handle. Now that the poison is out of her system, she’s opted to restore him by this afternoon at the latest, which places him in time for your Transfiguration exam if I’m not mistaken.”

  
*   *   *  
  


He was in his old house again, sat on the armchair with his feet on top of the coffee table. Remus realised he wasn’t in control of his actions again when he brought a cigarette to his lips. He took a deep drag and blew a cloud of smoke towards the ceiling before burning a hole into the cushion to put it out. He’d been planning. Getting into the house was the easy part. He hoped a wizard like Lyall Lupin would be stupid enough to go soft in muggle comforts and not enchant the locks. Since he now had time to kill he figured he’d enjoy himself before the real fun began. The animosity in his thoughts made it clear to Remus who he was. He was Fenrir Greyback in his home the night of the attack. He’d been the main character in his recurring nightmare again, only now it seemed different. The colours were brighter, the sounds clearer and the smells were stronger. He could practically taste the tobacco in the air. He didn’t remember this all from previous dreams. It was as if he were truly there. 

He turned his head towards one of the curtains to see the full moon light peeking through, and smiled as he stretched and cracked his neck. It felt good knowing he had a control over his transformation that night, at least until he needed it. He stood up to get to work, walking carefully around the living room to find something to pick up a scent. With the musk of tobacco in the air, it was much easier to pinpoint something rather than have a mix of others. This was a delicate operation, and he needed to be meticulous… plus, he rather liked the taste of Lambert and Butler. He kicked around the toys and socks on the floor, hoping one of them would elicit a strong smell, only finding purchase from the bundle of clothes that reeked of Remus conveniently placed on the sofa.

The next part was familiar, the way he could pinpoint the direction of the smell after bringing one of his small shirts to his face and inhaling deeply. He could detect faint traces of how Remus ran through the living room and kitchen, being more prominent as it spread through the back of the house. Greyback stopped first at the hallway, looking at all of the family photos of the Lupins. First was the happy couple, then the couple with a bundle of joy. It made him feel sick, like a perfect ignorant family. When he stopped at what he gathered was the most recent family picture of them all smiling together, the glass splintered. They looked entirely too blissful. He caught a glimpse of his own reflection in one of the shattered pieces, but before Remus could get a good look at his face, he’d already turned to continue down the hallway.

Greyback had tried the first door on this left, turning the doorknob until the new scent swept over him when he cracked the door. The anger rose in him again as the memory of the night before was fresh in his head. How close he’d come to luring a muggle away to attack until Lupin interfered. How he’d kept him for hours on end asking stupid questions and throwing around baseless accusations. How he insulted him.

His arrogance would not go unpunished.

Almost as quickly as he’d opened it, he closed the door, still gripping the doorknob tightly as if he’d intended to draw blood. Thinking of it now, it would have been easy to kill Lyall and his wife in their sleep. There wouldn’t have been time for him to frantically reach for his wand, let alone protect his muggle wife from having the flesh peeled from her bones… Then again, the revenge he had in mind was much sweeter. He let go of the door handle and turned to Remus’ scent again, inhaling the air once more to allow him to see the trail leading to the last door at the end of the hallway. 

Just as carefully as before, he’d opened the door without a squeak of the hinges. Greyback treaded lightly on the carpet and took a deep breath through his nostrils once again to soak in the savory smell he’d been practically watering his mouth for all night. He drew his own wand from inside his jacket pocket and flicked it toward the window, making the glass panes silently slide against one another to allow in a breeze as well as the full moon’s light filtering through the curtains. He sat down at the edge of the bed and pulled back the covers to reveal the face and pungent aroma of a much younger and smaller Remus, completely asleep and devoid of scars. The anticipation had been building to this point. He was going to get his payback. He nudged the young Remus awake, and knowing how the current moment of the dream sequence played out, Remus had waited for the point of view to change. To watch the transformation from his own young eyes, reliving the worst of his memories. But nothing changed.

Young Remus wiped the sleep from his eyes and stared back at him waiting for his eyes to adjust. The moment he mistook him for his own father made it even more obvious this dream would be different from the others. His little voice grated in his ears as he asked him whether or not is was bedtime, and Remus could feel the hair on Greyback’s neck prickle as the curtains parted enough to expose him completely to the moon. He answered in a strained voice as he could feel his transformation begin... but it wasn’t like anything Remus remembered.

Even in his dream in Greyback’s skin, Remus could remember the night before. He could remember the he incredible pain, the uncomfortable shifting and elongating of his bones stretching and ripping his skin. It was difficult for him to remember a more terrible experience, despite what he was witnessing through his dream now since most of it had been blocked for good reason. Even so, he could feel his body going through the same changes but they weren’t painful, in fact it was quite the opposite. Transforming for Greyback felt _good_ , like his body had been ready and waiting. It was a relief, like the human side of him was a coat he simply shed and the wolf was the real version of himself. Through his alteration, he wasn’t even paying attention to the little boy crying and scared on the bed. 

“Wh-What’s that noise?” Asked the younger Remus, making Greyback turn his attention to him, breathing heavily and ragged. “I’m scared.” He could tell now that the boy couldn’t see the werewolf in his room just yet, which made the anticipation that much better. What a surprise he would be in for. The only thought crossing his mind was how scared he was right to be.

Just then he let out a horrible yell as the realization came to. It was a bit disorienting at first, being so sensitive to noises had that drawback. Greyback quickly lunged at his face a second too late as he’d brought the blankets over his head, still wailing. He knew he wouldn’t have a lot of time left as he could hear the rustling around in his parent’s room down the hall. Not wasting a moment, he swiped the blanket, shredding it with his claws and tossing it to the floor before roaring loudly in the boy’s tearstained face. 

Remus wanted to close his eyes, as he knew what part came next, but no matter how tightly they were shut, the scene still played without interruption in his mind. He grabbed the younger version of himself by the arm to bring him closer and felt his teeth sink and tear through the skin of his face, making the wailing eerily cease immediately. Remus felt his own face burn in that instant, like being forced to watch himself get bitten caused a reaction. 

In a moment of admiration if his work, he looked at the passed out little boy, seeing his teeth marks etched in his skin like a signature. The two longest and most prominent lacerations in parallel lines looked deepest and drew the most blood, where the smaller ones in-between just began to for their own pinpricks all along his face.

A second later a new scream pierced the night from his mother who’d been standing outside of the doorframe as his father blasted him with a stunning spell that made him take a step backwards after dropping the boy back onto the bed, effectively staining the bed sheets red. He was hit by another spell, then another, then another before roaring in frustration. The spells stopped when Lyall’s sudden realization of who he was changed his tune. Remus watched as angry tears filled his father’s eyes and in righteous anger threw more aggressive curses. Before more of the nasty ones could hit him, Greyback jumped out of the open window an escaped.

  
*   *   *  
  


Remus’s eye fluttered open in the hospital wing, his face still a bit sore from his dream. Still adjusting to the light, he looked down at his hands to see bandages individually wrapped around his fingertips and thumbs. He wasn’t as sore anymore, but he still had vivid memories of the night before of practically scratching the bark off of trees that he was sure was the reason why they were dressed. Unfortunately it wasn’t the only thing he’d remembered. It had been in fact the only full moon night that he was able to fully recollect in his mind at all. He pushed the nightmare towards the back of his mind now that he could focus on the waking world. There was too much at hand now to worry about his unsettlingly vivid nightmares.

“You’ll be fine taking those off now if you’d like.” Said a female voice, making Remus smile in relief in getting to focus on something else. It wasn’t until his brain caught up with his ears that he recognized it, knowing it didn’t come from Madam Pomfrey… or any other member of the faculty. He sat up quickly, almost making himself black out again from the rush of blood to his head when he saw a girl with a familiar set of blonde pigtails sitting in the chair next to his bed. 

“Thalia? y-you shouldn’t be here.” He said, looking around frantically, only realising then that he’d been shirtless with more dressing wrapped around his chest. Still, he instinctually grabbed the blankets to cover himself. “Madam Pomfrey— y-you can’t see me like th—“ 

“It’s alright.” She said, looking down at her lap. “She left a few minutes ago the greenhouse. Besides I wanted to make sure you were okay... after last night.” Remus remained silent, getting more and more stressed out the longer she sat there. It was passed the point now of pretending to be ill with sickness since he had bandages all over him. She looked up to him then quickly back down, slightly pursing her lips. “I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re afraid of.” 

“I’m not afraid.” He replied as a knee-jerk reaction, not really fooling her or him. They sat in a few seconds of silence before he asked the question hanging in the air. “How…?” 

“Someone I care about is the same. So I know the signs.” She said, looking up at him and finally making eye contact. He tilted his head at her. “And it’s hard not to notice you disappearing once a month. At the full moon.” Remus looked away and started to feel sick. Someone else knew. He could practically see everything unravel in front of him now.

“Has anyone else…?” He asked, trying to keep his voice from shaking. He hoped with everything he had in him that she’d say no. If the headmaster made anything perfectly clear it was that no one could know.

“I don’t think so. Everyone does believe you’re ill. At least in the classes we have together. Which isn’t much, but… No one really talks about it anyway.” She shrugged. It made him feel relieved, and even still worse. He was thankful that the charade was still intact, but had he really been drifting by this invisible the whole time that no one noticed? Or cared? Remus sat up a little straighter as he thought about his friends all sitting around enjoying their company without him... then he thought of Lily doing the same and the feeling got worse. Thalia must have sensed his mood as she cleared her throat, bringing his attention back to her.

“I should get going, the matron will be back any minute now.” She stood up and flattened her skirt “I really am glad you’re okay.” She said with a small smile. “I remember you told me you liked chocolate frogs on the train, so I brought you one since I really didn’t get to last time. It helps.” He looked over to the stand next to his bedside and smiled weakly at the unopened box. 

“Thank—“ He looked back to her and she was gone, disappearing behind the curtain and footsteps clicking farther away “you…” Remus reached for the chocolate frog and unwrapped it, making sure to catch it in his bandaged fingers before it jumped away and took a bite to negate the spell as he picked off the chocolate limbs. It was difficult to eat it the way he wanted with the bandages. Using his teeth, he bit at the fabric of his index finger to unravel it. The cloth turned darker brown the closer he got to his skin like there’d been a lot of blood, but by the time he’d reached his flesh there wasn’t a scratch on him. His fingernail had completely grown back. 

“Snuck one of those in your knapsack did you?” Said Madam Pomfrey, startling him. He didn’t hear her walk in but judging by her demeanor, Thalia must have just missed her. Whatever the case, he was happy to see her healthy. “I meant to take those off before I left, sorry about that. As soon as we’re done, you’ll need to go back to your common room to get ready.” 

“Right. Class. Exams.” Remus replied as she waved her wand in small circles, making all of the bandages unravel themselves into a neat roll in her hands.

“Your exams have been postponed until next week.” She said without looking at him.

“What? But why—“ Remus stopped himself. Attacking the trees and himself weren’t the only things he’d recalled about the previous night as he remembered the dead eyes of the professor staring back at him from the ground.

“There’s a memorial service… I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this Remus, but professor Zilar is gone.” 

“Gone…” He echoed, staring down at his unscathed fingertips. She checked his torso and made the same motion to have his dressings removed. As if knowing what he was thinking, she spoke again.

“No one is sure as to what from as of yet. If only I’d not been ill, I may have been able to…” She sighed deeply. “It won’t start for a few hours, but you’re well enough now that you should spend time with your friends.”

 

After her routine check ups to make sure he was okay to leave, Remus climbed up the enchanted staircase to the seventh floor, hearing whispers of the students as he passed them by. He was selfish enough for a few seconds to think they were about him, knowing now that Thalia knew his secret. As he walked by, in passing he could hear how they were all about the same thing, yet none of them about him. Professor Zilar. The stories and rumors started as vague ideas, and grew more preposterous the higher he went until eventually they began closer to the truth.

_Maybe an old enemy put a hit out on him.  Y’think?_

_I heard he was attacked by something in the woods._

_Must have been something big, yeah?_

_I mean it was a full moon. Could have been a werewolf._

_From what I heard he’s torn up enough that it could have been a whole pack of them._

The questions and suggestions all rang through his ears like church bells, each hitting him harder than the last. It reminded him of where he was at the same time the year before in the muggle school, listening to the students privately chat on about their theories of what happened to an accidentally bewitched teacher while he rushed away from the spotlight as fast as he could. Thinking of his former croaking teacher made him realize just how far he’d come since then from honing his magic to making friends, only to end up in the exact same position of running away from the truth by avoiding anyone smart enough to realise that what happened was his fault.

 


	15. Lone Wolf

It was normal to see everyone wearing black since the Hogwarts robes were solid pitch aside from the trim on their sleeves, however as the students all filed out from their common rooms into the great hall, the sea of black was much more eerie. Just as at the start of the year feast with the sorting, the students were all asked to wear their ceremonial pointed black hats, which only added to the somber feeling in the air. As he walked in, Remus could see how the hall had been completely redecorated for the memorial. The ceiling filtered through the twilit sky, making the hundreds of white wax candles burn brighter in contrast. Black banners hung from the corners and sides to frame the room, all gesturing towards where the teacher’s table was supposed to be. In its place was a closed casket with a large bouquet of a familiar indigo bloom that Remus recognized instantly from the sweet smell emanating from it. He bit his lip at the irony as he assumed an awkwardly placed smile at a time like this was inappropriate.

The Hufflepuffs and Slytherins were the first to file in taking up the outside seats, followed by the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws occupying the middle. As he took his seat Remus could see that like the Quidditch match, there were other people there outside of the school that had come to pay their respects. As he scanned the room he could see among them was Abraxas Malfoy, standing with his walking stick near the Slytherin table and oddly sticking out with his blonde hair and black suit. Standing next to him was another man Remus recognized from the Daily Prophet. It was Thalia’s father, Donax Winsor. Just like in the photo in the paper, he was wearing a suit similar to Malfoy’s. He had the same blue eyes as Thalia, but framed with his sharp yet smooth features, perfectly combed hair and upturned nose, the shade reminded him more of ice. What was more upsetting was that despite him looking so hard and refined like a marble statue, Thalia’s resemblance to him was unmistakable. He met eyes with Remus and he immediately felt a chill run down his spine as his ice theory was proven instantly. Winsor’s lip curled into a smirk, making Remus nervous enough to finally avert his eyes and turn back to the table.

“Think he’ll tell us what happened to him?” Sirius whispered, prompting James to elbow him hard enough to knock a bit of wind from him. “Ouch! What? I just think we deserve to know is all…” This didn’t seem to comfort James in the slightest as he turned away from Sirius to focus his attention away. Even in the common room Remus noticed that James had taken the news harder than the others of Professor Zilar’s death. He’d never thought to ask before, but it was entirely possible that like many others in the room, he’d lost his favourite teacher. The absolute worst wave of guilt washed over him, as he knew he’d been partly if not mainly responsible. Professor Dumbledore clearing his throat focused his attention almost immediately on the headmaster standing at his podium.

“Good evening. Thank you all for coming.” He said, his voice still sounding serene, yet strained. “As you know we are here to honour the memory of our beloved teacher, colleague, and friend, Ellis Zilar…” As he spoke, Remus could see Abraxas Malfoy start to slowly stride along the crowd towards the front of the room. “Though he was only with us for a short time, the imprint he left among us will never fade, the imprint of a man who was brave, and loyal. It’s unfair that such a life was taken so soon from us, that we had such little time to spend with him… but he will not be forgotten.”

Remus liked Dumbledore’s words. Even as he slowly stepped away from his podium, it was clear he’d expressed what most of the room was feeling. No one had really known him that well. The man kept his secrets and that was something Remus understood, but as the floor opened and a gloomy silence settled, he realised how lonely keeping secrets could be. After a minute or two, the sound of Abraxas Malfoy’s shoes clicking against the stone floor cut through the silence. Some of the room broke out into quiet chatter, asking for or whispering his name. Malfoy took his stand behind the headmaster podium and cleared his throat before he spoke.

“Good evening. As some of you well may know, my name is Abraxas Malfoy. I work for the Ministry of Magic as the Head of the Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures Office—“ A camera snapped a flash. “—Zilar used to work as an integral part of our team, and I speak for us all when I say we terribly… _terribly_ regret his loss.” He said, his voice cracking slightly as he fixed his tie and cleared his throat. If Remus weren’t already convinced that Malfoy was a scumbag, he’d have completely bought the act. “I… we’ve received information on what truly happened on the night of his attack. There are people who wish that I don’t speak of this, but I think not doing so would be an insult to everything he stood for. Bravery… loyalty…” He glanced quickly at Dumbledore before walking away from the podium that everyone could see him. “On an errand requested by the headmaster, Ellis Zilar was attacked, _killed_ , by a werewolf. A _monster_.” As soon as he spoke, the room broke out into quiet and scattered chatter, while Remus sat completely silent and focused feeling like his insides were melting. “He was caught off guard in the forest… He didn’t stand a chance against the beast.” Remus clenched his robes underneath the table as he could feel his blood boil. Zilar wasn’t caught off guard… he was protecting him... unless… “The identity of the beast is unknown to us now. We imagine now they’ve assumed their human form again, poisoning the public with their existence. Thinking they have us fooled. I do promise you this, we _will_ find who murdered him. And they _will_ be brought to justice—“ he locked eyes with Remus “—without mercy. Such beasts are undeserving of such. We will have new laws coming in place for the registration of any werewolves to make sure that they remain separate from civilized society, to keep the current population of witches and wizards pure from their filth. Your ministry _will_ act, and so long as we have your support, together, we can make this future a reality. Thank you.”

The room burst into applause as more cameras flashed and snapped, and the gathering instantly felt less like a memorial and more like a press conference. Looking around, Remus could see he was the only one not clapping. He put his hands together to blend in just as some of the older students stood to their feet in standing ovation. The rest followed suit, hearing James, Sirius, and Peter all cheer along with the rest of the room.

Watching them celebrate made it seem like his ears filled with a gallon of water by how quickly everything around him seemed to muffle as he slowly clapped his hands. They agreed with Malfoy when it came to purging the world of people like him, of monsters. He could never tell them his secret. They’d been his only friends. If he did anything to jeopardize that, Remus would be left alone. Just like he’d been in his old schools… just like he’d been since he was bitten.

He had to play the part.

He had to keep his secret.

If he had any hope of happiness, he had to hide from what he really was, what everyone— even his closest friends— would only ever seen him as if they ever knew the truth. A monster.

 

*   *   *

 

The week of exams after the memorial continues as normal. As deputy Headmistress, professor McGonagall administered Zilar’s Defense Against the Dark Arts examination, much to everyone’s disappointment since they’d all been convinced it would be cancelled with his passing. After the hustle and bustle was done with, there were only a few days left in the school that had everyone either scrambling to make sure everything was packed or taking their final days at Hogwarts to lounge around until the train arrived. Remus wasn’t surprised to see that his friends were a complete mix of both.

As he stood carefully folding his clothes on his bed to make enough room in his trunk for everything to take home, behind him he could hear Peter stomping around and turning his own quarters over to look for his misplaced books.

“Relax Peter.” Sirius groaned while was lying down on his own bed and not even having touched his own things yet. “Train’s not here for a few days. You have time, mate.”

“But what if I forget something and I don’t realise it until after the train’s already left? I don’t want to forget anything.” He replied as he burrowed under his bed to check there.

“Who cares? We’ll be back after two months anyway. By that time you’ll have a new shiny set of books to lose.” This didn’t manage to make Peter feel any better despite the hint of a joke in his voice.

“Did you check the classrooms?” asked James, who like Remus was steadily packing his things. A loud ‘thunk’ followed by a cry of pain made all of them turn to Peter as he quickly stood up rubbing the back of his head.

“I didn’t! I think I brought stuff to Zilar’s exam just in case they gave us time to cram afterwards for other ones.”

“Peter, you know that was our last exam right?”

“I was panicking!” he cried, making the rest of them giggle. “I guess since I know now I better sort what I’ve turned over.” Remus turned his head and saw the piles and piles of clothes scattered on and around Peter’s bed. He quietly clicked his trunk closed after he finished his own packing until it clicked in his head that he still had one more thing that he needed. Something that if not for Peter, he would have been equally as upset had he left it at the school.

“Hey, I just remembered I left something in Zilar’s room too. I can pick up your books while I’m there Peter.” Said Remus, making Peter’s face light up.

“You’d do that? I’d really appreciate it… I got a lot of repacking to do.”

“Yeah, until he realises he’s forgotten something else and turns goes mad looking for all his stuff again.” Said Sirius pretending to throw things in the air. Remus ignored him.

“Of course, mate. I’m already finished up so I’m free now. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Great! That saves us loads of time then. By the time you get back, Peter will be finished and we can grab a bite to eat.” Said James, quite proud of his plan. “Hey, you should just meet us in the hall. By the time you get his stuff you can just give it to him there.”

“Yeah! Oh, but if it’s a bunch of them though I think I’d rather bring them up here than carry them to dinner… If it is I’ll just catch up.” The idea didn’t even really make sense in Remus head either, but he couldn’t let them see the extra book he’d be carrying along. He’d need a chance to hide it in his trunk, and James did just present an opportunity to do so. They seemed to buy it anyway.

“…Okay whatever.” James shrugged. “See you for dinner Remus.”

 

The Defense Against the Dark Arts room had still been unlocked. As Remus creaked the door open, he could see the sheets over all of the displays and desks to prepare for the summer of being untouched. Everything had been moved around completely to make enough floor space, though he wasn’t quite sure why. What made him start panicking was that the desk he was going to unlock with the Book of Beasts was moved, and most likely pushed against a wall and covered with a sheet, making it much more difficult to find. He honestly didn’t know if he was going to have enough time to rummage through everything.

Remus took a deep breath to calm himself down. He couldn’t give up so easily, especially when it was practically Zilar’s dying wish that he move the book to a safe place. He thought about what the other werewolf did when he was looking for it in the courtyard. He knew that the book had a beacon, he just had to find a way to activate it. With his eyes still closed, he thought about the pages, the Latin scrawled along the cover, the beasts… the sketch of werewolves. He just wanted to find it. Find it, and keep it safe with his father. He of all people would know what to do—

Like a switch he could hear it. It started out like a dull hum at first, but grew much louder as seconds passed. He zeroed in to the farthest corner of the room where a few of the larger sheeted object rested against the wall. Remus dashed over and lifted the cloth on each of the pieces until he found the wooden desk, the hum emanating from it the loudest. Just like before, he reached underneath for the switches and triggered them both, unlocking the compartment where the book lie untouched. It hummed loudly until he placed his hands on the leather cover, as if calming it to silence.

As he held it in his hands for the first time since he’d found it, Remus’ curiosity got the best of him as he cracked open the bindings to get another look. The front scribbles that he saw in the library had disappeared. He assumed Madam Pince must have erased it. HE flipped through the pages again, not bothering to really look at the pages so much as to see how many monsters there were until he reached the werewolf page, where nestled in the middle was a folded piece of parchment. Remus tilted his head and reached for it, watching again the man transform on the page before unfolding the paper, seeing a note written.

 

> _Remus,_
> 
> _Keep it safe._
> 
> _—Proffesor Zilar_

Seeing his note made Remus feel strange. He knew must have been the last thing he’d written down before he died. Did he know they were going to be met in the forest with the other man? Or did he expect Remus to transform kill him instead? The notion made him uncomfortable. Even in death he was mysterious… and it made Remus sad knowing he was gone. Really for the first time since he’d gotten back to the school, he was alone. He could think about the night he changed without distraction, and remember every painstaking detail from when Zilar told him to run away, to finding his body in the clearing.

A loud thud echoed in the empty classroom from him dropping the book. He brought his shaky hands to his head and ran them through his hair, pushing it back and exposing his face rather than pushing it forward. The sobs hit him like a storm. It was his fault he was gone. He’d spent so much time not trusting him when he should have, all because he was afraid. It was impossible to cast away the feeling that there was something more he could have done to save him. Maybe if he’d been quicker to leave the castle, or maybe if he’d been stronger with the potion he gave him, he’d be alive now telling him what there was to do next.

Remus pulled himself together after a minute or two and crouched down to pick up the book, wiping away any dust it gathered. He used his sleeves to wipe his face from any tearstains and walked towards the door, making sure to close it behind him as he left.

 

He was making good time at this pace. Being able to find the book right away would put him right on time for his meal with his friends without them suspecting a thing. He skipped a step and practically tumbled down the staircase when Remus realised he completely forgot to check the room for Peter’s books. He stood there frozen, contemplating running down a few floors just to check to make sure. His legs wobbled in protest as he was sure if they had a voice of their own they would definitely be against scaling the main staircase more than they had to—

“Hey Remus.” Lily called out right as she rounded the corner from the corridor. She walked up to him smiling, causing Remus to completely forget about whatever it was he was worried about. It didn’t seem anywhere near as important.

“Lily” “Hi, I er… thought you’d be packing.” He replied as the pair continued to walk up the stairs while he continued to hold his book close to his side and away from her.

“Oh, I finished a few days ago. It may sound silly but I’ve been so excited to get home to tell my mum, dad, and sister about everything.” She smiled and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, making a lone butterfly flutter around in Remus’ stomach. Being wary of his coordination, he managed to break away from staring at her for a few moments to make sure he wasn’t missing any more steps. “Your mother is a muggle too right?”

“Mhm. She’s still getting used to it all too. Like when I was little, one time I stole all of the cookies she’d just finished baking. The jar came right to me. That’s how they found out I was magic like my dad. That was a little before—“ He stopped himself from finishing his sentence and bit his tongue. “My er… accident.” He instinctually fixed his hair over his eyes more as he could feel Lily glance at his scars.

“Hm, not surprising. I feel like every time I see you and your friends, there’s always one of you eating sweets.” She responded after a few seconds, much to his relief that she didn’t venture into the subject.

“Yeah, that’s true. Wh-what about you? How did you find out you were magic?”

“Sev told me.”

“Wait, Severus? Really?” Remus asked, trying not to sound too surprised… or annoyed. He envied their relationship and this news only solidified that.

“Mhm. That’s why we’re so close you see. He was my first _real_ friend. He told me I was special. He still does every once in a while.” He fought the urge to tell her that he understood why. However true it was, it would have sounded dumb and cheesy. “What book is that?” She asked, pointing at the leather binding peaking out from under his arm. His heart skipped a beat as his mind scrambled for something on the spot.

“Oh… just a book that’s way past due. I suppose I should go the library and turn it in before I get some last minute points taken from Gryffindor.” Lily giggled and shook her head.

“You still have a day or two. If it were me, I’d hang onto it until the last second since I don’t have anything like this to come home to. _Wollywort.”_ The portrait of the Fat Lady flicked her wrist and swung open to reveal the portrait hole back to the common room. She turned to him and smiled again before speaking, her green eyes standing out brighter than ever against the scarlet walls and tapestry of the common room. “See you on the train? Maybe we can sit with you on purpose this time.” He nodded sheepishly and the two parted to their respective dormitories.

 

The room hadn’t been in a much better state than when he’d left. James and Remus’ beds were the only ones that looked decent where Sirius and Peter’s looked like a storm blew through and only touched their things. Clearly they’d gone with the plan of eat first, work later. It worked out better for Remus anyway since he didn’t want anyone seeing him take the book. He carefully moved the folded clothes out of the way so that he could put the book at the bottom of his trunk, that it would be tucked away and hidden until he got home.

Remus kept his hand on the lid of his trunk after he closed it. He was tasked with keeping the book safe, and he knew giving it to his dad was the best way to do it, but something about it all still made him feel strange. Like he was stealing it. Professor Zilar told him all of the power it had in the wrong hands, but wouldn’t Hogwarts have been the safest place? He thought perhaps it wasn’t the same for objects as it was for people. As Dumbledore told him when he gave him his letter, there was no safer place to be than the school. Maybe with the book outside the walls it would be true… maybe it made the school dangerous. If other werewolves could sneak inside the walls just to get their hands on it, he had a responsibility to keep that particular danger as far away as he could. He stood back up to his feet and strode out of the dormitory, leaving it as untouched as it was when he walked back in.

 

“Remus!” Sirius called out as Remus walked into the Great Hall and took a seat next to him in front of a large plate of food he’d assumed they’d grabbed for themselves to share. “Thought you’d gotten lost. I was beginning to think we needed to get you another one of the first year starter maps.”

“Can’t get caught with one of those. We’re second years now.” Said James puffing out his chest.

“Practically kings of the hill!”

“The year hasn’t ended yet.” Peter cut in, making the other two groan and Remus smile slightly.

“Yes, thank you buzzkill.” Sirius replied, waving his hand dismissively at him. After finally looking down at the pile of food to see it meticulously stacked into a small tower. The boys took much more care into it than he would have suspected and it made him curious.

“What’s all this?” He asked, inspecting it with a fork and prodding the soft mash base with a fork. He personally wouldn’t have built a tower on something so unstable but he wasn’t going to criticize.

“Oh, we made you a mountain of food.” Said Sirius offhandedly, followed by James who piped up again after scooping a bit of gravy with his forefinger to taste.

“Everything a growing boy needs.”

“It’s got potatoes, pork, I think there’s some vegetables…” Shrugged Peter. “Only some though, we didn’t want to overdo it.”

“D’ya like it?” They all looked at him with wanting puppy dog eyes searching for a shred of approval from their friend. The irony made a sick knot in his stomach, but despite himself he managed a genuine smile at their effort.

“It’s brilliant.”

 

There was much more space on the Hogwarts Express on the way home than on the way to the school it seemed. Instead of the cars being occupied by one or two people at a time, most of the younger students that became friends during their time at school all fought to cram as many as they could into once car, including the four boys. James and Sirius sat long ways with their legs propped up on the seats while Remus and Peter sat on the other side mirroring them, trying to decide amongst themselves how to split up the last of Peter’s last haul of sweets from home. He divided the last of his goodies and tossed them to the others, realising a little too soon that there was no way their handfuls of cauldron cakes and licorice wands were going to last them the trip home.

“Well one of us is going to have to get up and take one for the team.” Sighed James, purposefully not making eye contact with any of them since he’d made it obvious he’d only just found the sweet spot in his seat and had no intention of moving. While Sirius and Peter were making an argument to justify their staying put as well, Remus’ eyes caught Thalia’s through the car window. She gave him a soft smile before continuing walking along with a boy with Sandy blonde hair who’d not yet changed out of his Slytherin Robes. His heart missed a beat as the hint of paranoia set in. Without saying anything he stood to his feet and walked towards the door and slid it open, hearing James shout to ask him to pick up pumpkin pasties while he was gone.

By the time he’d reached the corridor, he could she rounded the corner into her own cart, the only thing obstructing his path to her being the sweet old lady with the trolley. He didn’t know why the feeling of suspicion set in so suddenly since Thalia had never given him a reason not to trust her, especially with something so delicate as his secret. Surely she knew its importance too since she told him someone she knew had the same problem. It wasn’t as though he had much of a choice in the matter, and he’d rather not spend his summer worrying about it, especially since it would be the first one he spent going back to the same home without the threat of packing up and leaving looming over his head. The bad feeling melted away the more he thought about going home and seeing his parents again, and with a lighter step he walked towards the sweets trolley. Sterling had next in line for sweets before him, and had already changed out of his robes into what Remus would have seen the posh boys in one of his old towns wear. He stood behind him, trying not to get to close to the back of his head in case the product keeping his combed and sculpted hair into shape oozed onto him.

“That’ll be three galleons and eleven sickles for your lot, dear.” Said the old woman as he politely placed the gold coin in her hand, making Remus excited that he could treat himself to the lone chocolate frog perched at the end of the cart that he couldn’t help bouncing a little on the balls of his feet.

“Thank you,” He said; turning his head slightly before speaking up again, “Actually, is that the last of the chocolate frogs?” Remus felt his heart sink. Avery must have felt his excitement.

“Mhm! Been cleaned out at the shop since the last weekend.”

“In that case, I’ll take it. That’ll make the change even to four galleons instead os you wont have to bother with change.” The woman appreciated this and smiled brightly at him. Just as he turned around, he acted surprised to see Remus’ attempt of hiding his dejected expression. “Oh! Hello Lupin. I thought it was you behind me.” He looked between Remus and his newly acquired frog. “Shame there’s no more… heard you loved these too. Oh well, better luck next time.” He smiled deviously and knocked into Remus’ shoulder before heading into his own car of other Slyhterins.

“We have chocolate wands for you dear if you’ve a sweet tooth for that sort of thing?” She asked, keeping her tone as dulcet as what filled the trolley.

“Thank you, that would be great. Could I have some fizzing whizbees too and that box of every flavour beans? Oh— and a few pumpkin pasties, please.” He said, almost forgetting what James asked of him.

“That will be three galleons and four knuts.” She replied as she bagged his things. Remus reached into his pocket and had no copper coins to spare. Feeling sheepish and guilty he handed her a gold and silver coin, forcing her to reach into her pouch and give him change. He smiled and thanked her before turning around and heading back to his own car.

        

With the new addition of junk and sweets, the boys had a much more fulfilling ride home. The ride back had gone by too fast between their laughing and reminiscing, and before they knew it, the train had come to a halt back at platform 9¾ , where their families all awaited them. He hopped off with the others, where they all said their final goodbyes until the start of term in a few months. They’d rotated addresses and promised to write in between to make the summer go by faster, which meant that Remus would most likely be the only one to do so if their focus in lessons was anything to go by. James was the first to spot his parents, who from a distance Remus could tell were older than his by the look of their matching silver hair. He took off in their direction first after nodding at them with a “See ya!”

Peter was next as a portly woman with the same mousy hair colour as him stood about the same distance away, paying more attention to a bit of fluff she’d seem to have found on her robes. After Peter took of to see her however, she smiled big and wrapped her arms around him, fixing his hair before planting what he assumed was an extremely juicy kiss on Peter’s cheek.

“Well,” Sirius started, “just you and—“ Before he could finish Remus guessed he spotted his family from the sound of the groan he made immediately after. Remus looked up and spotted the rest of the Blacks, all dressed up compared to any other family he’d seen, even the young boy (who Remus suspected was Sirius younger brother) had his hair combed and looked fresh pressed. His mothers’s pointed face bore an eerie sense of foreboding when Remus met eyes with her, while his father stood tall and stoic. It was similar to how Remus remembered Thalia’s father carried him self at the memorial… as if with a snese of superiority. Sirius sighed and shrugged, nudging Remus goodbye before walking towards them and disappearing into the crowd of people.

Remus looked around to spot his own family, searching for his mother’s red hair as that was the first thing he could think of to set them apart, when in the middle of his scan he spotted Thalia again. Her back was to him this time, but she was hugging a woman with equally blonde hair tousled into large curls. The sight made him involuntarily tilt his head. Last he remembered talking to Thalia about her parents, he didn’t make them out to be the hugging type until he remembered she mentioned her aunt. Their hug broke and he watched the woman smile excitedly at her and play with one of her pigtails when Lyall snuck up behind Remus and ruffling his hair interrupted him. Almost immediately Remus forgot what he was focused on and turned around to hug him, not realising how happy he was to see his father after everything that he could almost cry. Almost. Hope strode over a few seconds later to meet them and spared no expense on embarrassing him by kissing him all over the face, making him protest aloud though secretly he loved it.

It was clear there was much to catch up on as on the way out of the platform the questions began from all three of them, all including variations of the same questions of what needed to be caught up on since Christmas break, desperately looking to find out what their lives were from what they’ve left out of the letters.

 

Remus went first.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read through my fic! I had it typed up a year ago, but I wanted to explore another medium for tracking it, so that led me on over here. I've had a pretty good support pool, but I'm a little nervous moving from one pond and dipping my feet into another, so please bear with me. I hope you guys enjoy it, as there will be plenty more to come!
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts on it. I do appreciate any and all feedback so long as it's constructive.
> 
> <3
> 
> \- Ash


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